OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS


A KAREN CARPENTER CHRISTMAS

Opening. See Stranger Suggests. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 325-6500. $12-$27. Sat at 2 pm and 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm and 6 pm. Through Dec 22.

* A TAP DANCE CHRISTMAS CAROL

Final week. "A Tap Dance Christmas Carol has none of the fancy sets or well-paid actors featured in better-known local productions. But its fresh reinterpretation of the story provides the opportunity for completely original 'Christmas Past' and 'Christmas Present' sequences--a minor miracle. Be glad it's back." (Tonnvane Wiswell) Anacrusis Modern Tap Dance at Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway Ave, 325-6500. $16-$20. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, matinees Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through December 15.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER

Bad kids overturn a church's Christmas pageant in another holiday cash cow. Bathhouse Theater, 7312 West Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $18 for adults; $10 for kids, students, and seniors. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 29.

BLACK NATIVITY: A GOSPEL SONG PLAY

Back for another season of popular acclaim, a gospel play that powers up Langston Hughes' poetry with narration and gospel songs. If Black Nativity doesn't get you in the holiday spirit, you might as well go home and listen to Lawrence Welk. Intiman Playhouse, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $10-$42. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun-Thurs at 7:30 pm, no performance Mon. Through Dec 28.

THE CASTLE

Final week. The West Coast premiere of Kafka's bureaucratic satire. Chareeva Productions at Center House Theater, Seattle Center, 464-9113. $10-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 3 pm.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

Schizophrenic miser haunted by his demons seeks redemption, ACT profits. (Well, everyone but the marketing staff. Can't wait to not return the calls of the new, "aggressive" PR team.) ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $23-$36. Sat at 2 pm and 7 pm, Sun at 1 pm and 4 pm, Tues-Fri at 6 pm and 8:30 pm. Through Dec 28.

CRAVE

Opening. If their public relations team is any indication, VIA's production of experimental playwright Sarah Kane's Crave, the West Coast premiere of this "groundbreaking" work, is really gonna be something. The celebrated late author's work has never before been produced in our city. Freehold East Hall Theater, Oddfellows Hall, 1529 10th Ave, second floor, 405-1612. $12-$14. Dec 12-15, 19-20 at 8 pm. Through Dec 20.

* THE DINA MARTINA CHRISTMAS SHOW

See review this issue. Dina Martina at On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $18. Thurs-Sun at 8 pm, with additional performances Dec 20-21 at 10:30 pm. Through Dec 22.

* HAM FOR THE HOLIDAYS V: CINCO DE PORKO

"The format is traditional Koch-Platt: sketch comedy, spoofs, and musical parodies, dusted with lowbrow cleverness and camp. But please note: Porko is nontraditional holiday humor, which means, as in most things, you don't have to be gay, but it helps." (Adrian Ryan) Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 Seventh Ave S, 325-6500. $18-$20. Wed-Sat at 8 pm, matinees Sat-Sun at 4 pm. Through Dec 29.

* HAPPYPANTS!

See review this issue. Hunter Koch Productions at ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $24.50-$29.50. Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm, Tues-Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 29.

HOLIDAY XXX

Opening. Four characters + three playwrights + three individual holiday-themed plays = hilarity? God knows, I'm rooting for them. Live Girls Theater, 620 Alaskan Way #203, 568-1985. $10. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

LIGHT UP THE SKY

Final week. Moss Hart's 1948 self-referential deconstruction of the paradoxical nature of Broadway productions. "Light Up the Sky is a silly and utterly predictable good waste of money." (Sean Reid) Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2210. $15-$40. Thurs-Sun at 7:30 pm, with matinees Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 15.

* THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE

An old wardrobe becomes a portal, and Christ becomes a lion in this ambitious staging of C. S. Lewis' Jesus-freak classic. "My son (who is six) and I enjoyed this adaptation of C. S. Lewis' most famous book for two reasons. One, the big set pieces. We are suckers for large backdrops that move mysteriously on and off the stage, and the winter world was superbly realized. Two, the play sticks very close to the original text. With exception of one small disagreement--my son liked the songs and I didn't--we were equally pleased with the performance." (Charles Mudede) Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St, 441-3322. $12-$26. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 5:30 pm. Through Jan 11.

* THE LIZZIE BORDEN PLAY: A SPECULATION

"Smart, scary, and wry, this true-crime deconstruction is a breezy, bracing antidote to an overdose of high-fructose holiday cheer." (Tamara Paris) Theatre Babylon at Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

MAG MOR

"While I am always happy to see new work that isn't total crap produced in local theaters, that's the best I can say for Mag Mor: It's new work and isn't terrible." (Brendan Kiley) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $12-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, matinee Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 21.

MULE

See review this issue. JumpBac Productions at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 325-6500. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

OWEN MEANY'S CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

Book-It returns with its evergreen John Irving adaptation, in which an ornery runt (played with gusto by local fave Stephen Hando) screams and snarls his way through a sacred celebration of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Safely skewed schmaltz, performed with You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown! expressiveness by a large cast. Book-It Repertory Theatre at North Seattle Community College's Stage One Theater, 9600 College Way N, 216-0877. $15-$22. Wed-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 22.

PSYCHIATRIST'S NIGHT OUT

Final week. "If Psychiatrist's Night Out were a movie, it would become a cult classic. It's a wretched vanity project, and the second worst live performance I have seen anywhere in my life, including elementary-school holiday pageants and crooning, atonal hobos at the Pike Place Market." (Brendan Kiley) Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 877-820-6312. $6-$8 general. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 14.

RECKLESS

"Even under optimal conditions it's a difficult piece to make work. Unfortunately, the Steeplechase crew, distrusting the script's virtues, seem determined to hammer out each and every laugh they can find. The production sacrifices the writer's examination of identity and fate (i.e., the recklessness of life) to the 'faster, louder, funnier' mantra that rules much of today's theater." (Jeff Meyers) Steeplechase Productions at Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29 with dinner. Fri-Sat at 6:30 pm. Through Dec 28.

SUGAR PLUM FAIRY

"Set in the suburban '70s, the story follows writer and performer Sandra Tsing Loh's battle with her skinnier and more talented older sister for the lead role in a ballet school production of The Nutcracker. Unfortunately, no matter how nice the set or how slick the performance, the fact remains that it's very difficult to care about yet another holiday memoir, especially one about a teenager with unfulfilled dreams and parents who just don't understand." (Matt Fontaine) Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. $32-$40. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, matinees Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Jan 12.

SUITE NUTS... OFFERINGS GALORE

This week only. An abstract assemblage of holiday imagery, like Pee-wee's Christmas Special on fast-forward. Intimate Stage at a home in Green Lake, 2353 N 64th St, 526-5756. $5-$10. Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm.

TRUE WEST

See review this issue. Insight America at Chamber Theater, 915 E Pine St, fourth floor, 325-6500. $14-$16. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY


A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens with audience suggestions. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley (below Pike Place Market), 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

BROADVILLE

An open call to shine: the glitz and glamour of Cafe Venus' Broadville, a performing-arts open mic. Café Venus, 609 Eastlake Ave E, 624-4516. Free. Wed at 9 pm. Open run.

CHAOS THEORY

"Chaos Theory is touted as a bold new experiment where sketch comedy is unpredictably merged with improvisation to create an evening of "improvedy," if you will. The results of this experiment are not unlike most other improvised comedy shows. (Shanan Kelley)." (Jeff Meyers) The Habit Productions at Rendezvous, 2320 Second Ave, 696-8430. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

OPEN CIRCLE'S GREATEST HITS

Opening. Open Circle milks the supple teat of its back catalog (including The Dragon, The Naked King, Poona the Fuckdog, and Gorey Stories, to name a few), much to the delight of audiences everywhere. Open Circle, 429 Boren Ave N, 382-4250. $10. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 14.

* PHOENICIA & VIC AT THE HOLIDAY LOUNGE

Admirable choreographer Wade Madsen unleashes his similarly regarded alter ego Phoenicia--a svelte, blond, lounge-singing semi-sensation who's daffy as a duck, funny as shit, and accompanied by pianist Victor Janusz. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 233-9873. $13. Sun-Mon at 8 pm. Through Dec 22.

* VOICES OF CHRISTMAS

"With its terrific cast of harmonizing singers belting out nearly every holiday classic from the most sentimental folk songs to inspirational operatic arias, Voices of Christmas is sure to melt even the most cynical bastard's heart into figgy pudding." (Gregory Zura) ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $10-$26. Tues-Sat at 7:30 pm, with Sat and Sun matinees at 3 pm. Through Dec 24.

DANCE


NUTCRACKER

You know, the only ballet you've ever seen. Yes, the one with the giant mice. Paramount Theatre, 911 Pine St, 628-0888. $15.50-$101.50. Thurs-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 pm and 7:30 pm, Sun at 1 pm and 5:30 pm. Through Dec 30.

UNRAVEL UNRELATED EVENTS

This week only. See Stranger Suggests. Maureen Whiting Company at On the Boards' Studio Theater, 100 West Roy, 217-9888. $15. Fri-Sun at 8 pm.

LATE NIGHT


* CARLOTTA'S LATE NIGHT WING-DING

"Played brilliantly by drag-queen genius Troy Mink, Carlotta hosts a 'weekly cabaret-comedy-improv-variety show-whathaveya' for late-night theater patrons and culture aficionados. God bless Carlotta Philpott." (Lindsay Marsak) Ursa Major Theatre Company at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, fourth floor, 325-6500. $8-$10. Fri-Sat at 10:30 pm. Through Jan 5.

THE TWILIGHT ZONE

Opening. The cash cow returns... and it's thirsty for blood! Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $10. Thurs-Sat at 11 pm. Through Dec 21.