APPALACHIAN CHRISTMAS HOMECOMING
Final week. The return of the holiday deluge, in the form of forbidden hillbilly love. Yarns are spun, songs are sung, and memories are embellished upon. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $18-$26. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, matinee Sat at 2 pm. Through Dec 28.
THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER
Final week. Bad kids overturn a church's Christmas pageant in another holiday cash cow. Bathhouse Theater, 7312 West Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $18 for adults; $10 for kids, students, and seniors. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 29.
BLACK NATIVITY: A GOSPEL SONG PLAY
Final week. Back for another season of popular acclaim, a gospel play that powers up Langston Hughes' poetry with narration and gospel songs. If Black Nativity doesn't get you in the holiday spirit, you might as well go home and listen to Lawrence Welk. Intiman Playhouse, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $10-$42. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 28.
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
Final week. Schizophrenic miser haunted by his demons seeks redemption, ACT profits. (Well, everyone but the marketing staff. Can't wait not to return the calls of the new, "aggressive" PR team.) ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $23-$36. Thurs-Fri at 6 and 8:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7 pm. Through Dec 28.
* HAM FOR THE HOLIDAYS V: CINCO DE PORKO
Final week. "The format is traditional Koch-Platt: sketch comedy, spoofs, and musical parodies, dusted with lowbrow cleverness and camp. The inclusion of Andrew Tsakos (who was terrific, and often in a fruited hat) made it campier. But please note: Porko is nontraditional holiday humor, which means, as in most things, you don't have to be gay, but it helps." (Adrian Ryan) Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 Seventh Ave S, 325-6500. $18-$20. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, matinees Sat-Sun at 4 pm. Through Dec 29.
* HAPPYPANTS!
Final week. See Stranger Suggests. "HappyPants! teeters at the far edge of camp--where the act of mockery begins to overshadow the object of mockery and everything becomes garish and muddled--but the show pulls some tricks of sincerity out of the American Musical Handbook to create a splendid evening full of real talent." (Gregory Zura) Hunter Koch Productions at ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $24.50-$29.50. Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 29.
* THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
An old wardrobe becomes a portal and Christ becomes a lion in this ambitious staging of C. S. Lewis' Jesus-freak classic. "My son (who is six) and I enjoyed this adaptation of C. S. Lewis' most famous book for two reasons. One, the big set pieces. We are suckers for large backdrops that move mysteriously on and off the stage, and the winter world (the best part of the book) was superbly realized. Two, the play sticks very close to the original text. With exception of one small disagreement--my son liked the songs and I didn't--we were equally pleased with the performance." (Charles Mudede) Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St, 441-3322. $12-$26. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 5:30 pm. Through Jan 11.
RECKLESS
Final week. "Even under optimal conditions--nuanced direction, strong cast, nice space--it's a difficult piece to make work. Dark comedy requires an incisive attention to detail and subtext. Unfortunately, the Steeplechase crew, distrusting the script's virtues, seem determined to hammer out each and every laugh they can find. The production sacrifices the writer's examination of identity and fate (i.e., the recklessness of life) to the 'faster, louder, funnier' mantra that rules much of today's theater." (Jeff Meyers) Steeplechase Productions at Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29 with dinner. Fri-Sat at 6:30 pm. Through Dec 28.
SUGAR PLUM FAIRY
"Set in the suburban '70s, the story follows writer and performer Sandra Tsing Loh's battle with her skinnier and more talented older sister for the lead role in a ballet school production of The Nutcracker. The humor is bland, but as a performer, Tsing Loh has personality to spare and the requisite parade of wacky characters twinkled with heartfelt zest. Unfortunately, no matter how nice the set or how slick the performance, the fact remains that it's very difficult to care about yet another holiday memoir, especially one about a teenager with unfulfilled dreams and parents who just don't understand." (Matt Fontaine) Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. $32-$40. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, matinees Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Jan 12.
THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES
No, no, no... it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. No, really--I'm fine with it. No, really! This week starring Shawn Colvin. Moore Theatre, 1932 Second Ave, 292-2787. $26-46. Thurs Dec 26 at 8 pm, Fri Dec 27 at 6:30 and 9:30 pm, Sat Dec 28 at 5 and 8 pm, Sun Dec 29 at 2 and 7 pm, Tues Dec 31 at 8 pm, Wed Jan 1 at 5 and 8 pm. Through Jan 5.
FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY
A CHILD'S CHRISTMAS IN WALES
Final week. The noted Dylan Thomas yarn, as performed by--um, puppets. Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 568-0446. $10. Sat-Sun at 1 and 3 pm. Through Dec 29.
THE YIDDISH EROTICA TRIO
One night only. Dreidel? Check. Menorah? Check. Pasties? Check and check. The evils of the Jewish conspiracy explored just one evening after the celebration of the birth of the son of God. Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave, 441-5823. $10. Thurs Dec 26 at 7 pm.
DANCE
NUTCRACKER
Final week. You know, the only ballet you've ever seen. Yes, the one with the giant mice. Paramount Theatre, 911 Pine St, 628-0888. $15.50-$101.50. Thurs-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7:30 pm, Sun at 1 and 5:30 pm, Mon at 2 and 7:30 pm. Through Dec 30.
LATE NIGHT
* CARLOTTA'S LATE NIGHT HOLIDAY WING-DING
"Played brilliantly by drag-queen genius Troy Mink, Carlotta hosts a 'weekly cabaret-comedy-improv-variety show-whathaveya' for late-night theater patrons and culture aficionados. God bless Carlotta Philpott." (Lindsay Marsak) Ursa Major Theatre Company at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, fourth floor, 325-6500. $8-$10. Fri-Sat at 10:30 pm. Through Jan 5.
LONG RUNS
BROADVILLE CARNIVAL at Cafe Venus, 624-4516.
CABARET: THE ResERECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.
* THE HOKUM SHOW at Hokum Hall, 937-3613.
JET CITY IMPROV at ArtsWest, 938-0339; at the Ethnic Cultural Theater, 781-3879.
LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at ACT Theatre, 292-7676.
QUEER AS A THREE-DOLLAR BILL at the Comedy Underground, 800-992-8499.
