OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS


ACTION MOVIE: THE PLAY!

Final week. "Given a choice between watching someone poorly lampoon a cliché and watching that cliché unfold on its own, which would you choose? If you venture to Consolidated Works before August 30, chances are you'll choose the good ol' fashioned clichés over those given a light spanking in Action Movie: The Play! (Bradley Steinbacher) Consolidated Works, 500 Boren Ave N, 860-5245. $10-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Aug 30.

ALEGRĂŤA

How much Lycra can one building comfortably house? That alone's gotta be worth the cheap seats. Cirque du Soleil at the Grand Chapiteau, Renton, 800-678-5440. $31.50-$165. Tues-Thurs at 8 pm, Fri-Sat at 4 and 8 pm, Sun at 1 and 5 pm. Through Sept 14.

BABY: THE MUSICAL

The terrifying threat of parasitic invasion haunts three couples faced with potential infestation in Richard Maltby Jr.'s 20-year-old musical, Baby. Second Story Repertory at Redmond Town Center, 16587 NE 74th St, 425-881-6777. $18-$22. Fri-Sat at 8:15 pm. Through Sept 20.

FUCKED: AN EVENING OF THEATRICAL ATROCITIES

Opening. See Stranger Suggests. Open Circle Theater, 429 Boren Ave N, 382-4250. $8. Fri-Sat at 11 pm, 18+. Through Sept 20.

THE HASTY HEART

Final week. To describe Pulitzer Prize-winner John Patrick's The Hasty Heart, ReAct's press release makes use of several death-kisses, such as the phrase "touching tale" (the tongue's most painful alliteration), and the eye-gouging blurb "soldier learns the true meaning of friendship, love and the value of life." But don't shoot the messenger. ReAct at Bathhouse Theatre, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 364-3283. $6-$12. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Aug 31.

* JOHN LENNON'S GARGOYLE

"Gargoyle is a fun ride with a good production team. Craig Zagurski offers a solid performance as Frank, the Candide stand-in, and the rest of the cast artfully manages a menagerie of characters, from a kidney-thief temptress to a sagacious Elvis Presley. Though Gargoyle gives us no additional insight into Candide, it is an amusing tale of mythological modern woe, a funny collection of urban legends we can enjoy from a safe, sadistic distance. " (Brendan Kiley) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Sept 6.

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE

Final week. Who couldn't stand to lose a few pounds? GreenStage Theater Company. Call for locations, dates, and times, 748-1551, www.greenstage.org. Free. Through Aug 31.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

Final week. Two smartypantses fall in love while a good friend of theirs almost dies from public humiliation. Seattle Public Theater at Bathhouse Theatre, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 524-1300. Free. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 2 pm. Through August 29.

POINT BREAK LIVE!

Final week. "After a week of hot anticipation for Point Break Live!, I'm sorry to say that the performance was disappointing. Co-directors Jaime Keeling and Jamie Hook have a wonderful vision, but their play failed to achieve terminal velocity. " (Brendan Kiley) Little Theatre, 610 19th Ave E, 329-2629. $10-$12. Thurs-Sun at 8 pm. Through Aug 31.

PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS

Australians spend an hour on stage playing with their wangs. Think of it as The Cremaster Cycle's retarded little brother. Moore Theatre, 1932 Second Ave, 628-1414. $24-$34. Tues-Thurs at 8 pm, Fri-Sat at 7 and 9:30 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through Sept 7.

THE SOUL OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

This week only. The endlessly retold fairy tale gets the Stax treatment in a youth theater adaptation. Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center at Paramount Theatre, 911 Pine Street, 628-1414. Free. Thurs-Fri Aug 28-29 at 1 and 7 pm.

THE SPITFIRE GRILL

Final week. "It flopped on Broadway and they blamed 9/11. That sounds like two loads of BS served with a side of crap, but the excuse might hold water. Something this derivative and formulaic should have been far more commercially successful. " (Adrian Ryan) Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $10-$26. Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm. Through Aug 30.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY


BEING MABO: SINGING JANIS IAN

Final week. Solo performer Mary Ann Boyd resurrects the work of Janis Ian in song-a-logue. Thumper's Restaurant and Bar, 1500 E Madison St, 328-3800. Fri-Sat at 9 pm. Through Aug 30.

BROADS OF BROADWAY

Two acts, three courses, and four women--Crepe de Paris hosts another diva-worshiping cabaret over crab cakes, with four women belting show tunes under various celebrity guises. Cabaret de Paris, 1333 Fifth Ave, 623-4111. $45 with dinner. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Sept 13.

* EXTROPIA

See review this issue. A musical about a world without music, as performed by Collaborator Productions (formerly the Stuntmen). Collaborator Productions at Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-6388. $10. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Sept 13.

MUTATIS AND FRIENDS: MUSIC FOR THE EARS

One night only. Pastor Kaleb Hagan-Kerr presents an evening of, well, something. Rendezvous, 2320 Second Ave, 441-5823. $10. Fri Aug 29 at 9 pm.

NIGHTCAP COMEDY IMPROV

Final week. Guffaw! Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $5. Fri at 10:15 pm. Through Aug 29.

THE TEMPS

Final week. Comprising members of the Habit, Up in Your Grill, and Some Kind of Cult, the Temps offer improv for hire--with little chance of long-term employment. Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. $8. Fri at 10:30 pm. Through Aug 29.

THE TEMPTATIONS OF TIKI ISLAND

One night only. In something of a disturbing departure, the ladies of BurningHearts Burlesque find themselves at testosterone ground zero, taking it off at Tiki Bob's Cantina. Creepy. BurningHearts Burlesque at Tiki Bob's Cantina, 166 S King St, 382-8454. $5. Wed at 9 pm.

THEATERSCHWARTZ

Final week. Classical improvisers the Spolin Players present improv the way it's meant to be... you know, without scripts. Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 425-417-5667. $8-$10. Sat at 10 pm. Through Aug 30.

LATE NIGHT


TWILIGHT ZONE

The cash cow returns... and it's thirsty for blood! This round's episodes: "Little Girl Lost" and "The Eye of the Beholder." Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $10. Thurs-Sat at 11 pm. Through Sept 6.

LONG RUNS
BROADVILLE CARNIVAL at Cafe Venus, 624-4516.

BUBBA AND BITCH at the Bar, 322-1788.

CABARET: THE ResERECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.

* THE HOKUM HALL VARIETY SHOW at Hokum Hall, 937-3613.

JET CITY IMPROV at Ethnic Cultural Theatre, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at ACT, 292-7676.

QUEER AS A THREE-DOLLAR BILL at the Comedy Underground, 800-992-8499.

TEATRO ZINZANNI 2301 Sixth Ave, 802-0015.

THEATRESPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.