CAN'T HELP BUT THINK... • Hugo House DERAILED DESIRES • Pulp Vixens PASSION • That's Our Story

ONE WEEK ONLY

SEAN MOREY • Giggles

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

ABUNDANCE -- The wayward tale of mail-order brides who hoof it into Wyoming in the late 1860s, Pulitzer Prize-winning Beth Henley's Abundance promises "lyrical irony," in this inaugural production from Left Coast Theater Company. Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 729-9168. Wed-Sun at 8, through Aug 1. $10.

AN ANGEL CRIED A TEAR LAST NIGHT -- Amy Marschak visits from Colorado to perform her play. Angel, well received at 1997's Edmonton International Fringe Theater Festival, tells of one girl's experience with incest. Dance on Capitol Hill, 340 15th E, 368-4226. Sat & Sun at 8, some matinees, through July 25. $10/$7.

BULLSHOT CRUMMOND -- A "zany comedy" with a title that's almost a swear word, Bullshot parodies a 1930s detective serial -- in the opening scene alone, an airplane crash, parachute escape, and kidnapping ensue. Taproot Theater, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. Wed & Thurs at 7:30, Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, through Aug 7. $16-$22.

CAN'T HELP BUT THINK... -- The talented Philip D. Clarke (Tony & Tina's Wedding) plays nine different personalities who all have ordinary problems, in this party-within-a-play. A portion of the proceeds goes to Children's Hospital Foundation. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 322-1792. Thurs-Sat at 8, through July 31. $10.

THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF AMERICA -- "The Complete History of America is billed as a 'completely unhinged, completely skewed, and completely hilarious' chronology of American events, beginning with Columbus' voyage and leading up to the present state of the union. What this really amounts to is wacky sketch comedy. With such a wealth of information to draw upon, and such a powerfully talented cast -- Burton Curtis, Jonathan Hochberg, and Jeffrey Treadwell -- I expected more. Maybe in the end American history just isn't that funny, no matter how many dick jokes and drag queens you toss in." (Adrian Ryan) Empty Space Theater, 3509 Fremont Ave N, 547-7500. Tues-Thurs at 7:30, Fri & Sat at 8, Sat & Sun at 2, extended through Aug 8. $16-$25.

*DERAILED DESIRES -- See Calendar Box. Spintron, 916 E Pike, 442-2060. Fri & Sat at 8, open ended run. $10.

FIRES IN THE MIRROR -- Anna Deavere Smith's race-riot-inspired play is performed by Intiman with four actors -- two men and two women, two white and two black (Leslie DoQui, Joanne Klein, Dawson Nichols, and David Scully). From multiple points of view, urban ethnic violence is put under the microscope. Intiman Playhouse, Seattle Center, 269-1900. Sun, Tues, Wed at 7; Thurs-Sat at 8, Sat & Sun at 2, through Aug 14. $10-$39. See Review this Issue.

FOOTLOOSE -- If you're under 25, you might be more than six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon's dance-patriot movie, so here's the scoop: A small town, repressive religious parents, and the wild adolescent urge to dance turn a high school summer into the setting for such teeny-bop pop hits as "Let's Hear It For the Boy." Everybody cut! The 5th Avenue Theater, 1308 5th Avenue, 292-ARTS. Wed-Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, Sun at 2 & 7:30, through Aug 15. $19-$55.

THE GRAND DUKE -- The Seattle Gilbert and Sullivan Society and their 26-piece orchestra ham it up to parodies of Strauss and the Can-Can, in this "surprisingly modern" musical. Bagley Wright Theater, Seattle Center, 341-9612. Thurs-Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, through July 24. $12-$24.

IN SEATED COMFORT -- What will waiting room etiquette be like in the future? ExiTheater attempts an answer in this future farce directed by Michael Lindgren and featuring a giant chicken. University Heights Community Center, 50th Ave NE & University Way, 325-7152. Thurs-Sat at 7:30, through July 31. $8.

JEKYLL & HYDE -- It's a romance -- it's horror -- it's a medical musical -- it's gothic drama. London in the 1880s will never be the same. Paramount, 911 Pine St, 682-1414. Tues-Sat at 8, Sun at 7, Sat & Sun at 2, through Aug 1. $23-$46.50.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM -- And the nun goes on. Somebody really likes cute Catholics. This is an evening of audience participation and interactive improv theater: think Sister Windy crossed with Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You. ACT, 700 Union St, 292-7676. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, extended for eternity. $24.50-$29.50.

*MILLENNIUM CIRCUS -- 40,000 square feet of hangar space inspires the UMO Ensemble's newest (and largest ever) creation. "I am not going to be the critic to send an audience away from an evening featuring a choreographed bungee dance, with the cast members bouncing like notes in some spectacular stanza, high above what would be extremely punishing concrete. The production sometimes too closely resembles the chaos it is trying to explore, but it feels miserly to gripe after witnessing some of this show's wondrous fantasies." (Steve Wiecking) Sand Point Naval Base, 463-2128. Thurs-Sun at 8, through Aug 15. $10-$15.

OF ME I SING, BABY! -- Tom Orr is the clever-as- a-fox, nasty-as-a-porn-star lyricist behind last year's super-smash parody musical, Dirty Little Showtunes!. Now he goes it alone in this one-man musical revue. "For all of its homoerotic sexploitation and perhaps misplaced bravado, Of Me I Sing, Baby, is one heck of a fun show. With a blend of overwhelming confidence, lighthearted (and often lewd) anecdotes, and sheer force of will, Orr makes his life story entertaining enough to keep audience members firmly ensconced in their seats." (Adrian Ryan) Re-bar, 1114 Howell (at Boren), 323-0388. Fri-Sun at 8, through July 24. $12/$10.

STONEWALL JACKSON'S HOUSE -- Political orthodoxy be damned: In this "incendiary" satire by Jonathan Reynold, things are never quite what they seem. A tour guide (Tracey A. Leigh) leading visitors through Jackson's restored Virginia home offers to go home with two wealthy tourists as their slave. ACT's Allen Theater, 7th & Union, 292-7676. Tues-Thurs at 7:30, Fri & Sat at 8, Sun at 7, through Aug 8. $10-$40. See Review this Issue.

TARTUFFE 2000: T2K -- Moliere's tale of obsession and swindling is reset for the millennium in Hyperion Theater's update. "In setting Moliere's classic in modern day Los Angeles, Hyperion forces current cultural affectations upon the plot and characters, cluttering the stage with confusing actions and gratuitously inserted situations that the script simply does not support. A laptop-toting Orgon (the patriarch and dupe of the tale, played by David Crowe) runs about dressed in army fatigues, stockpiling weapons and provisions, and bit characters wear party hats with Happy New Year, 2000! emblazoned upon them for no apparent reason. Instead of allowing this masterful work to speak for itself, it seems as if director Joe Seabeck wants to detract from the words with the overblown staging. Unlike most classical theater, Moliere does not have to hit you over the head to remain funny or salient to modern audiences." (Adrian Ryan) Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 781-0022. Tues-Thurs & Sun at 7:30, Fri & Sat at 8, through July 18. $12.50.

TIMON OF ATHENS -- Timon has to learn his lesson: Money might buy you a good pair of shoes but it can't buy you happiness. One of Greenstage's "Shakespeare In the Park" offerings. Call for Location, 748-1551, www.greenstage.org. Fri & Sat at 8, through Sept 5. Donation.

TRIPLE ESPRESSO -- In this enervating showbiz spoof, the comedy team of "Maxwell, Butternut & Bean" relives their attempts to make it big-time. A touring production with Bill Arnold, Michael Pearce Donley, and Bob Stromberg. Performance Studio at The Children's Museum, Seattle Center, 374-9490. Wed & Thurs at 7:30; Fri at 8; Sat at 1, 5, 8; Sun at 3 & 7, through Sept 2. $26.50-$29.50.

WOMAN IN MIND -- The dispiriting disappointment of middle class life urges a wife and mother towards escapism: When her fantasy family begins to intrude on her real life she has to make some decisions that lead to a surprise ending. Directed by Scott Morrison (Carlotta's Late Night Wing Ding). Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. Fri & Sat at 8, Sun at 7, through July 31. $8/$10.

DANCE

PASSION -- Live dance, mask work, and original music dramatize the story of Passion (Linda Matthews), an Asian woman exploring myth as a path back to her troubled past. Lakewood Theater, 10101 Lakewood Mall Blvd, 253-588-0042. Thurs-Sat at 8, through July 31. $10/$8.

FESTIVALS, CABARETS, & COMEDY

IMPROSIA -- Character-driven improv based on audience suggestions. Wit's End, 770 N 34th St, tickets at the door. Sat at 9:30. $7.

JULIE CASCIOPPO EXPERIENCE -- Songs and characters you may grow to love. The Pink Door, Pike Place Market, 1919 Post Alley, 443-3241. Tues at 8:30 & 11. No cover.

THE PROM REUNION -- The folks at Richard (Dick) Ultimate High School have decided to restage their 1970s prom, and you can be a part of it. Interactive theater in the style of Tony & Tina's Wedding, food included. Phinney Ridge Neighborhood Center, Community Hall, Lower Level, 6532 Phinney Ave N, 628-0888. Sat at 6:30, through the end of summer. $45/$35 (group rates available).

SEAN MOREY -- Funny man Morey sings send-ups like "The Man Song" and "The Woman Song," and has performed on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. He visits from L.A. for this limited engagement. Giggle's Comedy Club, 5220 Roosevelt Way NE, 526-5653. Fri & Sat at 8:30 and 10:30 only. $12/$15.

*TEATRO ZINZANNI -- Three hours of fancy food and thrilling spectacle from the world over, presented in an antique European dance hall imported from Belgium for the occasion. Now featuring body-juggling brothers from France and the jaw-dropping Kevin Kent. Seattle Center, 222 Mercer St, 281-7788 ext 700 or 292-ARTS. Thurs-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 6:30, extended through Sept 8. $88.

TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON VI -- Theater Schmeater, connoisseurs of surreality, act out eerie episodes in which a doll, a camera, and a TV send their owners into... the Twilight Zone. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 7, through Aug 21. $12.

LATE NIGHT

THE A.M. CABARET -- Amoral entertainment for insomniacs; promising naked poetry, music, strippers, and drag queens. You may think you're dreaming. Coffee Messiah, 1554 E Olive Way, 860-7377. Sat from 2-4 am. $5.

JET CITY IMPROV -- Improv comedy and music based on audience suggestions. Ethnic Cultural Theater, 3940 Brooklyn Ave NE, 781-3879. Fri & Sat at 10:30.

SPIN THE BOTTLE -- Annex's late-night performance is a slumgullion of juggling, dance, singing, and silhouettes, cultivated by the finely tuned Bret Fetzer. Annex Theater, 1916 Fourth Ave, 729-0933. First Friday of every month. No reservations. $5.

THEATER SPORTS -- Improv comedy with a competitive edge, brought to you by Unexpected Productions. Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. Fri-Sat at 10:30, $9; Sun at 7, $5.

CALLS

EDDIE MAY'S MURDER MYSTERY DINNER THEATER -- Interactive comedy murder mystery theater holds "open" auditions for weekly productions in Seattle. Performers, ages 20 through 60, require strong comedy improvisational skills. Paid positions. To schedule an audition call 362-4444 or e-mail eddiemay@teleport.com.

NORTHWEST ASIAN AMERICAN THEATRE -- Seeking three women and three men for world premiere fall production. Auditions will be held July 25 & 26 at Nippon Kan Theatre. Prepare one contemporary monologue and be prepared to cold-read. To schedule, call 340-1445.