OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS


ANNIE GET YOUR GUN

That old hack Irving Berlin muddles up another delightful story with those damned songs of his. Driftwood Players at Wade James Theatre, 950 Main St, Edmonds, 425-774-9600. $17-$20. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 21.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER

Two punks wreak good-natured havoc on a hidebound Christmas institution. Seattle Public Theater at the Bathhouse, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $10-$18. Thurs-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 28.

BLACK NATIVITY

Intiman remounts its always-excellent production of Langston Hughes' beloved "gospel song play," directed by Jacqueline Moscou and starring the Total Experience Gospel Choir. All this is perfectly fine--but when do we get Black Hanukkah? Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $10-$64. Tues at 7:30 pm, Wed at 12:30 and 7:30 pm, Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 28.

* BRENT OR BRENDA?

See review this issue. Scot Augustson penned this cheery Christmas story of a (you guessed it) transvestite named Brent--sure to warm the cockles like a fine mulled wine. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-0388. $TK. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Mon at 8 pm. Through Dec 27.

THE CARROLLS OF QUEEN ANNE

Taproot Theatre Company images Seattle as a site of Victorian sophistication in a story that sounds filthy with "madcap." Taproot Theatre Company, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $18-$28. Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm. Through Dec 27.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

ACT remounts its always-excellent rendition of Dickens' Yuletide-learning-and-growing classic for the 98th year in a row. ACT, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $14-$36. Tues-Fri at 6 and 8:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7 pm, Sun at 1 and 4 pm. Through Dec 27.

A CHRISTMAS STORY

Final week. A live rendition of the familiar film, replete with BB gun and bullies. Everett Theatre, 2911 Colby Ave, Everett. 258-6766. $7-$14. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 14.

A CHRISTMAS STORY

More Ralphie. Longview Stageworks at Pepper Studio Theatre, 1231 Vandercook Way, Longview, 888-575-8499. $11-$17. Thurs-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 21.

COLUMBO SAVES CHRISTMAS

Peter Falk (or some reasonable facsimile thereof) delivers us from evil over dinner. Northwest Murder Mysteries at Ramada Inn (Northgate), 2140 N Northgate Way, 706-7575. $55-$65. Sun at 7 pm. Through Dec 20.

* THE CRUMPLE ZONE

Extended. Fresh from Los Angeles (where it won the Los Angeles Times' critics' choice award), Buddy Thomas' Crumple Zone follows the confused love lives of five gay men in Staten Island. "Five lovesick fags come crashing together in a splashy/flashy/über-trashy holiday montage of ennui, ass-sex, and way too much tinsel on that ironic damn aluminum Christmas tree. And somehow all of this makes for an adorable night of theater." (Adrian Ryan) Capitol Hill Arts Center, 1621 12th Ave, 568-8585. $12-$22. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Jan 3.

DEATH OF AN INFORMER

Interactive dinner theater, set in a 1920s speakeasy. Northwest Murder Mysteries at Restaurant 164, 164 S Washington St, 706-7575. $50-$65. Fri at 8 pm. Through Dec 18.

THE EIGHT: REINDEER MONOLOGUES

See review this issue. Don't come expecting Rudolph. From the writer of Poona the Fuckdog comes this holiday alterna-classic, featuring each of Santa's reindeer delivering darkly comic monologues after life under the cruel hand of Kringle. Open Circle Theater, 429 Boren Ave N, 323-4250. $12-$14. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through Dec 20.

* FAR AWAY

Final week. New City presents Caryl Churchill's tale of a woman coming of age, told in three incremental jumps through several years of her life. "The production is deceptively simple, using its small stage and clever scene changes to maximum effect. The cast is excellent and understated, treating Churchill's twists on reality with believable devotion. Sincerity is the saddest comedy. " (Brendan Kiley) New City Warehouse, 2110 Airport Way S, 271-4430. $12. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 13.

THE GINGERBREAD BOY

Final week in Seattle. The boy cookie is the father of the man cookie, and so Thistle Theatre's holiday-themed Bunraku puppet has more to teach us than at first we might expect. Thistle Theatre at Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center, 104 17th Ave S, 524-3388. $7-$9. Sat at 1 pm. Through Dec 28.

GINGERBREAD MAN

A group of cleverly personified kitchen utensils face an ungodly, molasses-infused threat to their secure way of life. Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St, 441-3322. $12-$26. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 5:30 pm. Through Dec 21.

HOLIDAY XXX

Final Week. Last year, the Live Girls! fly-playwriting challenge yielded some good, some bad, and no real porn to speak of. Expect the same. Three seasonal shorts, each conceived by a different playwright, revolving around the same cast of characters. Live Girls! Theater, 620 Alaskan Way, 568-1985. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 13.

* THE HOUSE OF YES

Extended. Incest is best (and if it rhymes, it must be true...) in Wendy MacLeod's Hollywood quipfest of affluence, insanity, and murder. "The House of Yes was simply made for the theater (literally and figuratively); incest, raving lunatics in pink pillbox hats, loaded guns going off--there are more fabulous reasons to see this show live than you can shake a vintage magnum of Liebfraumilch at. " (Adrian Ryan) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 20.

THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE

An old wardrobe becomes a portal and Christ becomes a lion in this ambitious staging of C. S. Lewis' Jesus-freak classic. Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $12-$30. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 5:30 pm. Through Jan 11.

THE MUSICAL COMEDY MURDERS

Mirth, melodies, and murder! Changing Scene Theatre Northwest, 5889 State Highway 303 NE, Bremerton, 360-792-8601. $10-$12. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 27.

THE NO HOLE HOLIDAY

In this family musical, a pair of evil sisters plot to destroy Christmas by banishing all... holes? Have some Freud with your fruitcake at SecondStory Repertory, 16587 NE 74th St, Redmond, 425-881-6777. $12-$16. Sat-Sun at 2:15 pm. Through Dec 21.

OTHELLO

Final week. UW grad students take on an updated green-eyed monster at Penthouse Theatre, 45th St and 17th Ave NE, UW campus, 543-4880. $7-$12. Thurs at 7 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 14.

PENGUIN'S SOUTH POLE CHRISTMAS

Final week. Belly-dancing is among the family-friendly enticements promised at this arctic spectacular. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $8-$10. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 13.

PRE-HYSTERIA HYSTERIA

Final week. Absurd one-acts, care of Waffle Theater at Stone Soup Theater, 4035 Stone Way Ave, 279-0983. $3-$5. Sun-Mon at 8 pm. Through Dec 15.

PUBLIC EYE

Final week. Peter Schaffer's comedy of Britons concerns a British wife in swinging '60s London and her also-British husband, the latter suspecting the former of not always closing her eyes and thinking of England. SecondStory Repertory, 16587 NE 74th St, Redmond, 425-881-6777. $14-$18. Fri-Sat at 8:15 pm. Through Dec 13.

* PULP VIXENS IN INNOCENT HEAT AND DERAILED DESIRES

Local comedy heroines Pulp Vixens bring two lesbian pulp-inspired comedies to the Re-bar. "Fantasy and reality intermingle in a clever, snappy, fun, and funny montage of Mystery Train meets Melissa Etheridge--somehow making boisterous breast-grabbing seem so fun, I almost wanted to jump up onstage and join in. Almost. " (Adrian Ryan) Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-0388. $12. Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 28.

RED RANGER CAME CALLING

See review this issue. A new musical adaptation of Berkeley "Bloom County" Breathed's children's Christmas story, starring Stephen "Owen Meany" Hando! Book-It Repertory Theatre, Center House Theatre, Seattle Center, 216-0833. $15-$26. Wed-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 7:30 pm. Through Dec 28.

RUNAWAYS

One weekend only. Seattle Central Community College students resurrect this funk-infused 1978 "street musical" for a new generation of troubled youth. SCCC drama department at Rainier Beach High School, 8815 Seward Park S, 325-6500. $10. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 3 pm. Through Dec 14.

sCARRIE: THE MUSICAL

Final week. Plug. It. Up. "All of the elements for a rip-roaring good time have been dutifully checked off the list--so why was the whole thing such a snooze? The heaviest burden rests with a director and a cast having such a good time camping it up that they neglect to make the bits tight, the timing right, or the songs on key. Let the audience have at least some of the fun." (Tamara Paris) Ghost Light Theatricals at Rendezvous, 2320 Second Ave, 441-5823. $17. Thurs-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 8 and 10:30 pm. Through Dec 13.

THE STARDUST CAVALCADE 1943

Harlequin Productions presents a nostalgic return to the days when Americans knew who the bad guys were and committed entire caroling repertoires to heart. Harlequin Productions at State Theater, 202 Fourth Ave E, Olympia, 360-786-0151. $21-$29. Wed-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 27.

A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE

Extended. Tennessee Williams' timeless classic of abusive Polacks, drunken whores, and love letters yellowing with antiquity. "The world has probably seen more compelling productions of A Streetcar Named Desire, but with adequate performances and a historical set, this version is a fine way to fill any lingering gaps in your education. " (Brendan Kiley) Theatre Babylon at Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $10-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 20.

SWEENEY TODD

Final week. Just in time for the holidays, Stephen Sondheim's celebrated murder musical performed by an all-UW cast and crew. Alter Ego Productions at UW's Playhouse Theatre. $5-$7 at the door. Thurs-Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 14.

'TWAS THE NIGHT

Christmas run amok on the usually placid Eastside. Studio East, 402 Sixth St S, Kirkland, 425-827-3123. $10. Fri at 7 pm; Sat at 10 am, 1, 4, and 7 pm; Sun at 1 and 4 pm. Through Dec 21.

* TWISTED OLIVIA

See review this issue. The esteemed Everett Quinton graces Seattle with his Dickens-twisting solo show Twisted Olivia. Empty Space Theatre, 3509 Fremont Ave N, 547-7500. $10-$40. Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 and 7:30 pm, Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm. Through Jan 10.

VOICES OF CHRISTMAS

"A song from South Africa, an anecdote from France, a Hanukkah medley--you get the idea. It's a well-executed bit of fluff with nice singing, nice anecdotes, nice actors. It's just a big ball of nice--warm, fuzzy, and bland. " (Brendan Kiley) ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $10-$30. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 3 pm. Through Dec 24.

THE WIZARD OF OZ

Adapted with stultifying strictness from the movie, this new production features Laurence Ballard as Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion. 5th Avenue Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave, 292-2787. $18-$64. Thurs-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 1 and 7 pm, Tues-Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 21.

YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, CHARLIE BROWN

The precocious kids of Broadway Bound perform the classic musical about the most depressed toddlers in the universe. Broadway Bound Children's Theatre at Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway Ave, 526-5437. $5-$8. Thurs-Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 3 and 7 pm. Through Jan 18.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY


CHRISTMAS BELLES

The Divalycious quartet and Billie Wildrick serve up Christmas songs in all genres to complement your dinner at Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $14-$29. Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 5:30 and 7:15 pm, Mon at 8 pm (no dinner, Wildrick only), Wed at 8 pm (no dinner, Divalycious only). Through Dec 31.

DECK THE HALL WITH BROADS OF BROADWAY

Talented people sing brassy Christmas numbers in a small room while you eat. Mad Dog Productions at Crepe de Paris, 1333 Fifth Ave, 623-4111. $55. Tues-Thurs at 8 pm, Fri-Sat at 8:30 pm, Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 31.

HAUL OUT THE HOLLY

Now in its 25th year, the beloved Seattle Men's Chorus (every member of which is gay as a whistle) presents another shamelessly schmaltzy night of holiday songs. Seattle Men's Chorus at Benaroya Hall, 323-2992. $15.50-$50. Tues at 8 pm. Through Dec 23.

HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Final week. A holiday helping of song and light comedy, all dished up by honest-to-God homosexuals. Cabaret on the Hill at Thumper's, 1500 E Madison, 328-3800. $12. Fri and Wed at 9:30 pm. Through Dec 17.

* AN INTIMATE DINA MARTINA CHRISTMAS

The worship-worthy chanteuse takes it down a notch with this intimate cabaret in the round: no surprise Pacers, no Elephant Men, just the lady and her piano man--also known as recent Genius Award recipient Chris Jeffries. For three weeks only. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-0388. $15. Wed at 8 pm. Through Dec 31.

PHOENICIA & VIC... AT THE HOLIDAY LOUNGE

Opening. Wade Madsen's immaculately conceived drag persona Phoenicia returns for this loungy holiday treat, accompanied by Victor Janusz. Cabaret on the Hill at Thumper's, 1500 E Madison, 328-3800. $15. Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 21.

ROCKABILLY BURLESQUE FEST

One night only. Sass 'n' striptease, rockabilly-style. BurningHearts Burlesque at Ballard Eagles Hall, 5600 24th Ave NW, 898-9067. $12. Sat Dec 13 at 8 pm.

WINTER SKETCH

One weekend only. Sketch comedy groups Flaming Box of Stuff, the 13th Step, and FURIOSO! draw their inspiration from such sources as cool jazz and cheetahs. Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 324-9977. $8. Fri-Sat Dec 12-13 at 8 pm.

DANCE


THE NUTCRACKER

The evergreen holiday classic, gussied up with Maurice Sendak's genius design. Pacific Northwest Ballet at McCaw Hall, 321 Mercer St, 441-2424. $17-$94. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7:30 pm, Sun at 1 and 5:30 pm, Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 28.

THE NUTCRACKER PUPPET BALLET

For those who prefer puppets to ballerinas (and $9.50 tickets to $94 tickets). Northwest Puppet Center, 9123 15th Ave NE, 523-2579. $7.50-$9.50. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 1 and 3 pm. Through Dec 21.

OPEN REHEARSAL

One night only. Artistic Director Donald Byrne lets audiences in on the painstaking rehearsal process for 2004's Spectrum Dance performances. Spectrum Dance Theater's Madrona Dance Studio, 800 Lake Washington Blvd, 325-4161. Free. Mon Dec 15 at 7 pm.

A TAP DANCE CHRISTMAS CAROL

Opening. You didn't know Ebeneezer could shuffle, did you? Anacrusis Modern Tap Dance at Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 325-6500. $16-$24. Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 21.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

One weekend only. Part of a works-in-progress series, this performance features Cyrus Khambatta of Phffft!. Velocity MainSpace Theater, 915 E Pine St, second floor, 325-8773 ext 2. $8. Sat-Sun Dec 13-14 at 8 pm.

LATE NIGHT


* CARLOTTA'S LATE NIGHT HOLIDAY WING-DING

The delightful alter ego of Troy Mink defrosts the turkey early this year with this season's sampling of holiday delights. Ursa Major Theatre at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, third floor, 325-6500. $8-$10. Fri-Sat at 10:30 pm. Through Dec 20.

THE TEMPS

One night only. Improv comedy from the white-collar proletariat. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $5-$7. Sat Dec 13 at 10:30 pm.

TWILIGHT ZONE: LIVE!

Final week. Two of Rod Serling's finest episodes, in 3-D color. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $10. Thurs-Sat at 11 pm. Through Dec 13.

SPECIAL EVENTS


BIMINI'S SPRING

One night only. A staged reading of Jen Peel's first feature-length screenplay. Screenwriters Salon at Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 322-7030. $2-$5. Wed Dec 17 at 8 pm.

LONG RUNS
BUBBA AND THE BITCH at Bar, 322-1788.

* THE HOKUM HALL VARIETY SHOW at Hokum Hall, 937-3613.

JET CITY IMPROV at Historic University Theater, 352-8291.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at ACT, 292-7676.

TEATRO ZINZANNI 2301 Sixth Ave, 802-0015.

THEATRESPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.