OPENING THIS WEEK

THE ARTISTS AT GERTRUDE STEIN'S AND ALICE B'S · Planet Earth Theatre Seattle

BEAUTIFUL AND SHINING LIKE ASPHALT · A Theatre Under the Influence

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF · Theater Schmeater

EDDIE PAUL REX · Redcard Productions

FRUIT COCKTALE · Queercore

GRAND HOTEL · 5th Ave

HUSK · On the Boards

QUILTERS · Taproot

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW · Penthouse Theater

TEXTS FOR NOTHING · ACT

ONE WEEK ONLY

FALL PREVIEW THEATER TEASE-O-RAMA · Grex & Theater Schmeater

SEATTLE STORIES · Empty Space

CLOSING THIS WEEK

FAME: THE MUSICAL · Paramount

LUNCH BOX THEATER SERIES · Market Theater

OEDIPUS REX · Theater Schmeater's Free Classics in the Park

SKYLIGHT · Intiman

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

THE ARTISTS AT GERTRUDE STEIN'S AND ALICE B'S

Set yerself kerplunk down in Gertrude and Alice's salon, alongside Ernest Hemingway and Pablo Picasso, and see what ensues. This collaborative play evolved from the in-character improvisations of the actors involved. Directed by Peter James Cirino. Freehold's East Hall Theater, 1529 10th Ave, 720-7048. Thurs-Sat at 8, through Oct 2. $10.

BEAUTIFUL AND SHINING LIKE ASPHALT

The clever and talented Gregory Hischak (slam poet and editor of the zine Farm Pulp) offers words for the stage in this collection of "dialogues, disconnects, and misunderstandings" performed by Theatre Under the Influence. Union Garage Performance Space, 1418 10th Ave at Pike, 720-1942. Thurs-Sat at 8, through Oct 9. $10.

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Tennessee Williams' sex-heated drama ssssizzles up Theater Schmeater. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun Oct 3 & Oct 17 at 2, through Oct 23. $12.

A CHORUS LINE

If you don't know "tits and ass," you should probably haul yours to this re-staging of the 1975 Broadway musical classic, taken on by Seattle's Repertory Actors Theatre (ReAct). Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 364-3283. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, through Oct 10. $12-$24.

*DERAILED DESIRES

"For many generations, the phrase 'funny lesbian' was an oxymoron on a par with 'compassionate conservatism.' But the ladies of Pulp Vixens have devoted themselves to demolishing that pigeonhole, wrangling together evenings of camp noir comedy that leave audiences wet with tears and shameful longings. Starring Jennifer Jasper, Mia Levine, and Shawn Yates, and directed by the formidable Kevin Kent." (David Schmader) Spintron, 916 E Pike, 442-2060. Fri-Sat at 8, through Sept 25. $10.

EDDIE PAUL REX

The comedians who brought you Happy Panties don overalls to tell the tender story of hillbillies gone wrong. It's a hillbilly retelling of Oedipus Rex, and this time the Greek chorus sounds suspiciously like a jug band. Fremont Palace, 3509 Fremont Ave N (Empty Space Theatre), 669-4075. Thurs-Sun at 8, through Oct 3. $10.

*THE FAGGOT MUSEUM

Subtitled, "An Evening of Gay Men Who Talk Too Much," The Faggot Museum is Michael Whistler's tribute to stereotypes -- from "the hyper, dramatic, musical comedy queen to the effete collector of antique earthenware." Theatre Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave S, 985-9157. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 4, through Oct 2. $12/$10. See review this issue.

FALL PREVIEW THEATER TEASE-O-RAMA

Ten-minute previews give you a glimpse of fall's future, including offerings from A Theatre Under the Influence, Annex, Hyperion, Open Circle, Theater Babylon, and more. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 985-1019. Mon Sept 20 only, at 6. $6.

FAME: THE MUSICAL

The hopes! The dreams! The ambitions! The auditions! New York's High School of Performing Arts spawns a soap opera of democratic back-stabbing, stair-leaping, and starry-eyed young students. Set to music by Steve Margoshes (the Who's Tommy). Paramount, 911 Pine St, 292-2787. Tues-Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, Sun at 2 & 7:30, through Sept 19. $23-$50. See review this issue.

FRUIT COCKTALE

Meet Miguel (Eddie Vasquez), who "dreams of finding true boylove," and his cast of companions including Anna, the punk rock Drag Queen (Clinton Jesse). Presented by Queercore. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 517-8458. Thurs-Sat at 8, through Sept 25. $5.

GRAND HOTEL

Rendezvous: Berlin, 1928. The hotel teems with lost souls and deal-makers. Enter: the famous ballerina, Elizaveta Grushinskaya (Liliane Montevecchi). Let the drama begin. 5th Avenue Theatre, Fifth & Jackson, 292-ARTS. Tues-Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, Sun at 2 & 7:30, through Oct 3. $19-$50.

HUSK

Shy office temp Margaret has been consigned to a psych ward for committing a murder of which she has no memory. Talented monologist Susy Schneider plays Margaret and her alter personalities in this psychological mystery that promises a "stunning denouement." On the Boards, 100 W Roy, 217-9888. Thurs-Sun at 8, through Oct 3. $10/$12. See Bio Box.

LUNCH BOX THEATER SERIES

A thespian diet, composed of alternating lunchtime plays: Unexpected Productions' Cream of Wit, an audience-interactive improv, and Theater Simple's This is a Play, a comedy about actors. Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. Tues-Sat at noon, through Sept 18. $5.

*NEVILLE'S ISLAND

An "outbound team-building weekend" sets the stage for a return to the wild for four middle management businessmen, in Tim Firth's absurdist comedy. "The cast is almost perfectly balanced in this ensemble piece, with each actor giving a well-fleshed, honest performance. The story, far from being the melodramatic mess that one might expect from such a story line, is ironic and consistently funny. And although Neville's Island isn't one of those rare theater experiences that will change your life forever, it is surprisingly satisfying." (Adrian Ryan) Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike, 324-6328. Fri-Sat at 8; Sun at 7, through Sept 25. $10/$8.

OEDIPUS REX

Free, in the park, prophesy and curses! And not just from passing transients -- this time it's Theater Schmeater's Free Classics in the Park production of the Greek definition of family dysfunction, Oedipus Rex. Directed by John Kaufmann. Warren Magnuson Park, 324-5801. Fri at 7, Sat-Sun at 2, through Sept 19. Free.

ORPHANS

Two brothers, Treat and Phillip, live an edgy existence, parentless in a mean, mean city. When the brothers kidnap drunk businessman Harold, they find a parent figure who "heralds" "encouragement and hope." Partial proceeds of this Stepping Stone production benefit the Seattle Children's Home, Peace for the Streets by Kids from the Street, and Camp Opportunity. Freedom Hall, 3815 Fifth Ave NE, 841-2521. Thurs-Sat at 8; Sun at 7, through Oct 9. $12 ($2 off with donation of a pair of clean socks or clean blanket).

*Poona the fuckdog

"Poona reinvents every social cliché as if it were a naughty joke told by an intelligent kindergartner. Smart, bold, insightful, Poona is two hours of theater magic" (Adrian Ryan) Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-0388. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, through Sept 26. $12.

PROJEKT 2000.2

The yet-to-be-renovated Kalakala ferry begs to be used as an artistic space, and EXITheater jumps at the chance with their multi-media installation created by directors, actors, writers, and visual artists. Kalakala, north end of Lake Union on Northlake Way N, 325-7152. Thurs-Fri at 8, through Sept 24. $10 donation.

QUILTERS

The story of pioneer women who packed it all up to follow their dreams, this collection of stories and songs is sure to keep you in stitches when it's not smothering you in sentiment.Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, through Oct 9. $14-$22.

SEATTLE STORIES

In this annual benefit event, Empty Space asks local "celebrities" to turn bits of their lives into narratives. This year features civil rights pioneers the Reverend Samuel B. and Louise J. McKinney, KOMO TV's Kathi Goertzen, and Diamond parking lot mogul Joe Diamond. Museum of Flight, invitation only (call for one if you want it: 547-7633 ext 105). Sat Sept 18, 6:30 cocktails. $150 ($90 is tax deductible).

SKYLIGHT

"Skylight is obviously meant to function as both intellectual and emotional revelation. Unfortunately, characters Tom and Kyra might as well be pundits on Face the Nation. Hare wrote long, articulate speeches for each of them, to which they listen patiently and then respond. By the end, I was too tired of listening to care." (Tonia Steed) Intiman Theater, 201 Mercer St, Seattle Center, 269-1900. Sun, Tues, Wed at 7; Thurs-Sat at 8; Sat, Sun at 2, through Sept 18. $10-$39.

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

A loudmouthed bitch gets her ass kicked but good in what some have called Shakespeare's funniest comedy. Penthouse Theater, 17th & 45th on UW Campus, 547-6495. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, through Oct 3. $5.

*TEXTS FOR NOTHING

Highly distinguished actor and director Joseph Chaikin performs in a tailor-edited version of works by Beckett. Chaikin founded the influential Open Theatre, based in New York, and is known for his essential theatrical interpretations. ACT, 700 Union St, 292-7676. Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, through Sept 26. $15. See Stranger Suggests.

DANCE

ON THE SIDE

Rockhopper Dance kicks off a new multi-disciplinary performance series, On The Side, an evening-length collection of new works in dance, theater, and music. The inaugural edition features a new trio by dancer/choreographer Juliet Waller; Self-Love, a movement theater piece by Scott David and Rob Kitsos; and Surge, a new commission by choreographer Mark J. Kane, performed by the Rockhoppers themselves. Seattle Mime Theater, 915 E Pike St, Fourth Floor, 860-5620. Thurs-Sat at 8, through Sept 25. $10/12.

FESTIVALS, CABARETS, & COMEDY

DREAMER

Tenor Frank Kohel offers up an evening musical cabaret, ranging from standards to originals by noted composers. Thumpers, 1500 E Madison, 328-3800. Sun Sept 19 & 26 at 9. $7.

IMPROSIA

Character-driven improv based on audience suggestions. Wit's End, 770 N 34th St, tickets at the door. Saturdays at 9:30. $7.

BOOGIE OOGIE oogie: A DISCO MUSICAL

"Perhaps the brilliant brother and sister team of David and Lisa Koch, who authored Boogie Oogie Oogie, had some seriously overdue bills. Maybe the IRS, or even the mob, was after them. There just has to be some logical explanation of why two of the cleverest satirical minds in Seattle theater would stoop to producing an embarrassingly mindless 1970s disco parody." (Adrian Ryan) Cabaret de Paris, Rainier Square, 1333 Fifth Ave, 623-4111. Thurs at 8, Fri-Sat at 8:30, dinner from 6:30-7:45. Through Sept 25. Dinner & show $40, show only $16.

*TEATRO ZINZANNI

Three hours of fancy food and thrilling spectacle from the world over, presented in an antique European dance hall imported from Belgium for the occasion. Seattle Center, 222 Mercer St, 281-7788 ext 700 or 292-ARTS. Thurs-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 6:30, extended through Dec 8. $88.

*THREE DOLLAR BILL

Seattle's original gay/lesbian/bisexual stand-up comedy show is still standing in its second year. Comedy Underground, 222 S Min St, 324-8025. Tues at 9. $6.

LATE NIGHT

Jet City Improv

Improv comedy and music based on audience suggestions. Ethnic Cultural Theater, 3940 Brooklyn Ave NE, 781-3879. Fri-Sat at 10:30.

Theater Sports

Improv comedy with a competitive edge, brought to you by Unexpected Productions. Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. Fri-Sat at 10:30, $9. Sun at 7, $5.

CALLS

SEATTLE PUBLIC THEATER

General auditions for musical theater performers will be held Sept 21 & 22, 7-10 pm at Seattle Public Theater, 915 E Pine, Room 426, for paid fall positions. Call 328-4848 to schedule a 5-minute slot.