OPENING THIS WEEK

BLACK EYED BLONDE · Unexpected Productions

COTTON PATCH GOSPEL · Taproot Theatre

DADDY'S DYIN' WHO'S GOT THE WILL · ArtsWest

HENRY V · Exchange Theatre

KRAPP'S LAST TAPE · Union Garage

QUEER AS A THREE DOLLAR BILL · Comedy Underground

ONE WEEK ONLY

ANGRY WHITE MALE TOUR · Ballard Firehouse

EVERYDAY HEROES · Threshold Ensemble

HOTHOUSE 2001 · Annex Theatre

SONG & PANTS · Seattle Men's Chorus

YEAR OF SERVICE CELEBRATION · Diversity Dance & Theater

CLOSING THIS WEEK

AIDA · Paramount Theater

BIG MAGGIE · Union Garage

SPIDERBITE ODDITIES · Sit & Spin

AFEST 2001 · Northwest Asian-American Theatre

TINTYPES · Renton Civic Theater

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

AIDA

Not the Verdi, the Disney. "Ridiculously expensive banality.... Yawn." (Bret Fetzer) Paramount Theatre, Ninth & Pine, 292-2787. $24-$60. Tues-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7:30. Through May 26.

BANDIDO!

A melodramatic retelling of the exploits of a legendary Mexican bandit in post-Gold Rush California. Reviewed this issue. Seattle Public Theater at the Green Lake Bathhouse, 7312 W Greenlake Drive N, 325-6500. $16-$19. (Pay-what-you-can Thurs May 24.) Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2. Through June 10.

BIG MAGGIE

A widow keeps a stranglehold on her children while struggling to find herself. From a new company dedicated to producing Irish drama. Northern Lights Productions at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12 general, $6 students/seniors. (Pay-what-you-can Thurs May 24.) Thurs-Sat at 8. Through May 26.

*COME BACK TO T*E REBAR DINA MARTINA DINA MARTINAT*E BEST OF DINA PARTS 1 2

Just the high points, split over two nights. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St (at Boren), 325-6500. $12 each show, $20 for both. Part 1: Thurs-Fri at 8; Part 2: Sat-Sun at 8. Through June 24.

COTTON PATCH GOSPEL

A retelling of the story of Jesus set in rural Georgia, in which Jesus gets stuck on a tar baby and begs Brer Fox not to throw him in that briar patch. Featuring songs by Harry Chapin. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $17-$25, student/senior discount available. (Pay-what-you-can Wed May 30.) Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat at 2. Through June 23.

DADDY'S DYIN' WHO'S GOT THE WILL

One of those lowest common denominator comedies that crop up constantly at community theaters. Toothless and full of "love-heals-all" pablum. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $20 general, $17 students/seniors/matinees. Thurs-Sat at 8, 3 pm matinees on June 3, 9, 17, & 23. Through June 23.

EVERYDAY HEROES

Touchy-feely improv, enacting stories of heroism in celebration of Memorial Day. Threshold Ensemble at Keystone Congregational Church, 5019 Keystone Pl N, 781-3994. $10 suggested donation. Sat at 7:30, this weekend only.

THE LANGUAGE OF ANGELS

Three overlapping Appalachian ghost stories, from hot young playwright Naomi Iizuka. "The audience is provided no concrete object or idea to stand upon.... Trying to figure out who did and said what to whom requires a family tree, or at least more of a mnemonic device than is provided here.... The one solid point... turns out to be Julie Rawley, as Danielle." (Traci Vogel) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $12 (under 18 free). Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun May 20 at 2. Through June 2.

THE RACKET

Chicago gangster melodrama. A Theater Under the Influence at the Union Garage, 1416 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12. (Pay-what-you-can Thurs.) Thurs-Sat at 8. Through June 9.

SIDEWAYS STORIES FROM WAYSIDE SCHOOL

The horrors of public school turned into goofy comedy. See Stranger Suggests. Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $14.50-$22. Fri at 7, Sat-Sun at 2 & 5:30. Through June 10.

WE ARE NOT GOOD GIRLS

A blues musical about the conclusion of a band's grueling tour. Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki SW, 935-8420. $22 in advance, $25 at the door. Fri-Sat, dinner at 6:30, show to follow. Through June 30.

DANCE

YEAR OF SERVICE CELEBRATION

A big party, featuring new dance pieces, music, and food. All ages, open to the public. Diversity Dance & Theater at Old Fire House, 16510 NE 79th St, Redmond, 323-7663. $3. Fri at 7:30, this weekend only.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY

*AFEST 2001

Beginning four weeks of a wide variety of work from Asian & Asian American performers. This week: Three Ring Circus with Byron Au Yong, Lee Swee Keong, and Andrew Kim. See Stranger Suggests. Northwest Asian-American Theatre, 409 Seventh Ave S, 340-1445. $12 general, $10 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 4. Through May 28.

THE ANGRY WHITE MALE TOUR

Gee, with a title like that, it's got to be good. Featuring, among other things, a vomiting performance artist. See Stranger Suggests. Ballard Firehouse, 5429 NW Market, 285-7247. $8. Fri at 9, this weekend only.

BLACK EYED BLONDE

Improvised film noir, based on audience suggestions. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theatre, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8. (No shows on June 9, 15, or 16.) Through June 30.

COMEDY COURT

Improv comedy. University Heights Center, 5031 University Way NE, 442-2044. $7 general, $5 students. First and third Friday of the month at 7:30. Through August.

HOTHOUSE 2001

Four playwrights from around the country are foolish enough to jump in with a bunch of directors and actors to create something, possibly some plays, in the course of two weeks. These are the frantic, raggedy-ass, high-energy results. Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. $12 general, $7 students. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sat at 2, this weekend only.

QUEER AS A THREE DOLLAR BILL

This queer-themed comedy night comes back to life under the guidance of Jennifer Jasper, of Pulp Vixens fame. (Interested performers should call Ms. Jasper at 320-0470.) See Bio Box. Comedy Underground, 222 S Main, 800-992-8499. $6. Every Tues at 8:30.

SONG AND PANTS

An evening celebrating the release SMC's latest recording, Fruit of the Month Club. What are they, gay or something? Seattle Men's Chorus at Benaroya Hall, Third & Union, 292-ARTS. $17. Sat at 8, this weekend only.

SPIDERBITE ODDITIES

A glam/pop mixture of music and short plays on the theme of pop culture. Sit & Spin, 2219 Fourth Ave. $8 (21+). Thurs only; doors at 8:15, show at 9. Through May 24.

LATE NIGHT

CABARET: THE RESURRECTION

Everything from drag queens (including host Hellen Havokk), live music, naked poetry, fire-breathers, and sword-swallowers. Coffee Messiah, 1554 E Olive Way, 861-8233. $5. Every Sat at midnight.

*C*OOZE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE T*E CAVERN OF TIME

A live version of the book series for kids, aimed at adults. Featuring performers from a variety of Seattle's sketch comedy troupes. "It's about archetypes and jamming them up with over-the-top parody and sly, irreverent throw-away lines.... Good entertainment, even better if you're coming from a bar." (Stacey Levine) Serious Dogs Productions at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 444-4315. $7. Fri-Sat at 11. Through June 2.

JET CITY IMPROV

The popular improvisational troupe is adding a late night performance in West Seattle. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $7 general, $5 students. Sat at 10:30, ad nauseam.

*KRAPPS LAST TAPE

Jerry Lloyd, one of the fringe scenes strongest talents, plays the Samuel Beckett character as Richard Nixon, playing obsessively with tape recordings. A remount of the extremely popular 1996 production; only seven performances. Theatre Babylon at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $8 general, $5 students/seniors. Fri-Sat at 11, Sun at 7:30. Through June 8.

*MONEY RUN EPISODE 4

Big Momma Bob and all the rest return for another senses-stunning exploitation of our excessive television-watching childhoods. "The excitement level of a Money & Run show is usually reserved for major sporting events and strip shows: a noisy, good-natured anticipation, featuring loud whoops, stomping feet, spontaneous eruptions of applause." (Adrian Ryan) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $8 (under 18 free). Thurs-Sat at 11 pm. Through June 2.

LONG RUNS

JET CITY IMPROV at University Heights Center, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at A Contemporary Theatre, 292-7676.

MYSTERIAN at Illusionz Magical Entertainment Center, Issaquah, 425-427-2444.

THEATERSPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.

ELSEWHERE

HENRY V

One of those history plays from Shakespeare that you really should know more about. Exchange Theatre at the Kirkland Performance Center, 350 Kirkland Ave, Kirkland, 425-893-9900. $10-$20. Tues-Thurs & Sun at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2. Through June 3.

TINTYPES

Musical about the turn of the century. 1899-1900, that is. Renton Civic Theatre, 507 S Third St, 425-226-5529. $20 general, $15 students/seniors. Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 2. Through May 27.