OPENING THIS WEEK

B-SIDES 路 Some Kind of Cult

BROADWAY'S GREATEST MALADIES!!! 路 Crepe de Paris

DINNER WITH FRIENDS 路 A Contemporary Theatre

GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! 路 Northwest Asian American Theatre

GUYS & DOLLS 路 Tacoma Little Theatre

I HATE HAMLET 路 Driftwood Players

LET MY ENEMY LIVE LONG! 路 A Contemporary Theatre

SKIP 'N GO NAKED 路 Lo Blo/Theatre on the Rocks


ONE WEEK ONLY

FIFTH INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL OF IMPROVISATION 路 Market Theatre

BLACK TO MY ROOTS 路 Brownbox Theater

KARN ENSEMBLE 路 Velocity MainSpace Theater


CLOSING THIS WEEK

CHERRY CHERRY LEMON 路 Annex Theatre

CINDERELLA 路 Paramount Theatre

DEAR DIANE 路 On the Boards

THE HAINT 路 Northwest Actors Studio

MASS MURDER 路 Northwest Actors Studio

MEDEA 路 Next Step Theater

SEARCHING 4 Y 路 Village Theatre

Strange Fruit 路 Re-bar


MINI-REVIEWS

MASS MURDER--This play asks the question, what would serial killers say if they were put in front of an audience? Surprisingly, the answer is very little of interest. You know something's gone astray if a monologue about a man keeping his mother's pickled, painted vagina in a shoebox puts you to straight to sleep. TAMARA PARIS

SANDRA BERNHARD: THE LOVE MACHINE--In her most recent offering, the Jaded Jewess is fun and feisty, but not exactly what I would call fresh. If you have seen any of Sandra's previous shows, you have seen at least 25% of this one--her symphony of sarcasm is largely recycled. She sneers at the same supermodels, dishes the same divas, and all the tunes she croons are tunes she's crooned before. Although I wouldn't dream of missing one of Sandra's shows, I don't seem to get as excited about them as I used to. A day old bagel won't kill you, but it's not exactly something you crave. ADRIAN RYAN


OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS


BALD FACED LIE

The group that started the whole damn sketch comedy tsunami. "Well-acted comedy that isn't necessarily funny--a total of a few good moments scattered among an hour or so of filler." (Jason Pagano) Bald Faced Lie at Open Circle Theatre, 429 Boren Ave N, 382-4250. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 (late night show Sat June 16 at 11). Through June 23.


BLACK TO MY ROOTS

An examination of the relationships between black women and their hair. Brownbox Theater at Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 363-2220. $10. Four performances only: Sat June 16 & 23 at 7:30, Sun June 17 at 2:30, Sun June 24 at 2.


* CHERRY CHERRY LEMON

"An intelligent, funny, and moving exploration of love, friendship, and sex." (Rebecca Brown) Round, Firm, and Fully Packed Productions at Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. $12. Fri-Sat at 8 & 10. Through June 16.


CINDERELLA

The Rodgers & Hammerstein version, featuring Eartha Kitt (whom Orson Welles called "the most exciting woman in the world") and Jamie-Lynn Sigler (a.k.a. Meadow on The Sopranos!). Paramount Theatre, Ninth & Pine, 292-2787. $20-$54. Tues-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7:30. Through June 17.


CITIES: CONVERSATIONS IN THE COURT OF THE KHAN

Physical theatre troupe UMO Ensemble drives me nuts with their half-baked stories, but they sure create pretty stage pictures. Reviewed this issue. On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $16 Thurs/Sun, $18 Fri-Sat. Thurs-Sun at 8. Through June 24.


* COME BACK TO THE RE-BAR, DINA MARTINA DINA MARTINA--THE BEST OF DINA, PARTS 1 & 2

Just the high points, split over two nights. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St (at Boren), 325-6500. $12 each show, $20 for both. Part 1: Fri at 8; Part 2: Sat at 8. Through June 23.


COTTON PATCH GOSPEL

A retelling of the story of Jesus set in rural Georgia, in which Jesus gets stuck on a tar baby and begs Brer Fox not to throw him in that briar patch. Featuring songs by Harry Chapin. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $17-$25, student/senior discount available. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat at 2. Through June 23.


DADDY'S DYIN' WHO'S GOT THE WILL

One of those lowest common denominator comedies. The theater says director Katy Huisentruit is a sparkling new talent; god knows why she's doing this play. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $20 general, $17 students/seniors/matinees. Thurs-Sat at 8, 3 pm matinees on June 17 & 23. Through June 23.


* DEAR DIANE

The first play from improvisational poetry trio the Typing Explosion. "A terrific entertainment--fast-moving, funny, and smart. But like most short forms that try to morph into longer, cohesive pieces of art, the transition is not entirely successful.... Despite the lapses of pace, it's wildly funny. Worth it." (Rebecca Brown) On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $12 Thurs/Sun, $14 Fri-Sat. Thurs-Sun at 9. Through June 17.


DINNER WITH FRIENDS

The Pulitzer-Prize-winning drama about some friends having dinner. A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $30-$42 ($10 for anyone 25 or under). Tues-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 7:30 (2 pm on June 14, 17, 23, 24, 30, July 1). Through July 1.


GREAT MEN OF SCIENCE, Nos. 21 & 22

One of the most peculiar and remarkable plays you'll ever see, from one of the most peculiar and remarkable playwrights alive. Empty Space, 3509 Fremont N, 547-7500. $20-$28. Tues-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7. Through July 15.


IN A SHALLOW GRAVE

An adaptation of James Purdy's novel, about a disfigured Vietnam veteran who returns home to his Virginia plantation and tries to rekindle a childhood romance. Reviewed this issue. Book-It at Seattle Repertory Theatre's PONCHO Forum, 55 Mercer St, 325-6500. $18 general, $14 students/seniors (special student rate on selected dates, call for details). Thurs-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 2. Through June 24.


KEELEY & DU

A pro-life group kidnaps a working-class woman on her way to get an abortion; an investigation into the abortion debate by mystery playwright Jane Martin, widely rumored to be a certain new UW professor. Stepping Stone Productions at Nippon Kan Theatre, 628 S Washington St, 781-3905. $12 general, $10 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 7. Through June 30.


LET MY ENEMY LIVE LONG!

Tanya Shaffer tells the tale of her 12-week trip up the Niger River on her way to Timbuktu. A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $16.50-$19.50 ($10 for anyone 25 or under). Wed-Thurs/Sun at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, matinee on July 8 at 2. (No show Wed July 4.) Through July 8.


MASS MURDER

A deconstruction of the celebrity of serial killers; the production in Portland got a lot of good press. See mini-review. Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. $12 general, $10 students/seniors. Fri-Sun at 8. Through June 16.


MEDEA

The Euripides play about a woman who gets really, really pissed off. Staged with a 12-person singing chorus and live percussion. Next Step Theater at the Performance Studio, Seattle Center House, 425-746-6604. $12 suggested donation. Thurs-Sat at 8, 2 pm matinee on Fri June 15. Through June 16.


PORCELAIN

Sex-related murder in a London men's room! From NWAAT's new artistic director Chay Yew. See Bio Box. Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 Seventh Ave S, 325-6500. $12. Thurs-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 4. Through July 1.


PTERODACTYLS

Hot on the heels of Raised in Captivity comes another Nicky Silver dysfunctional family play. Collect them all. Reviewed this issue. Seattle Theatre Project at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 325-6500. $13 general, $10 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 8. Through June 30.


R. BUCKMINSTER FULLER: THE HISTORY (AND MYSTERY) OF THE UNIVERSE

Heady one-man show that's been knocking them dead in California and Chicago. Intiman Theatre, Seattle Center, 269-1900. Previews are $27; $30-$42 otherwise ($10 for anyone under 25); pay-what-you-can on June 14. Tues-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7:30. Through July 7.


SHADOWLANDS

How C.S. Lewis comes out of his middle-aged shell, thanks to attractive American poet Joy Davidman. Reviewed this issue. Fat Yeti Theater at Freehold East Hall Theatre, 1525 10th Ave, Second Floor, 328-9384 (FAT-YETI, conveniently enough). $15 general, $10 students/seniors, call about group rates. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 7. Through June 24.


STRAY

A new play by Heidi Schreck about two women in a foreign city. Printer's Devil Theatre at New City Theater, First Christian Church, 1632 Broadway, Third Floor, 860-7163. Wed pay-what-you-can, Thurs $10, Fri-Sat $12. Wed-Sat at 8. Through June 30.


WE ARE NOT GOOD GIRLS

A blues musical about the conclusion of a band's grueling tour. "I kept wishing they'd skipped the first act altogether, had better mics, and sung more sweaty blues." (Rebecca Brown) Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki SW, 935-8420. $22 in advance, $25 at the door. Fri-Sat, dinner at 6:30, show to follow. Through June 30.


WHY? WHY? WHY?

Shadow madness from Scot Augustson, the evil mastermind of Sgt. Rigsby & His Amazing Silhouettes. Consolidated Works, 410 Terry Ave N, 381-3218. $14 general, $12 members. Fri-Sat at 8 & 10:30 pm. Through June 23.


DANCE


KARN ENSEMBLE

Four new dances from Karn Junkinsmith. See Stranger Suggests. Velocity MainSpace Theater, 915 E Pine St, Second Floor, 546-8526. $13. Fri-Sun at 8. This weekend only.


FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY


FIFTH INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL OF IMPROVISATION

They have no idea what they're doing. They're just making it up as they go along. Without your suggestions, they would be standing there, staring into space, shuffling their feet like zombies. Market Theatre, below the Pike Place Market, 781-9273. $10. Thurs at 8: Translation, in which improvisers from abroad improvise in their native tongues, then in their second language. Fri-Sat at 10:30: International TheatreSports, competitive improv. Sat at 8: New Long Form, something they haven't made up yet. Sun at 7: Dream Team TheatreSports, sort of the Superbowl of competitive improv. This weekend only.


B-SIDES

A bunch of sketches with no unifying theme, just for kicks. Some Kind of Cult at the Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 524-5858. $7. Fri-Sat at 8. Through June 30.


BLACK EYED BLONDE

Improvised film noir, based on audience suggestions. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theatre, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8. (No show Sat June 16.) Through June 30.


BROADWAY'S GREATEST MALADIES!!!

Yes, they put three exclamation points on their title. Songs from flop musicals and songs that were cut from hit musicals. Cabaret in Crepe de Paris, Rainier Square, 1531 5th Ave, 623-4111. Dinner & show, $45; show only, $16. Wed-Thurs at 8, Fri-Sat at 8:30 (no shows on June 22 or July 4). Through July 14.


COMEDY COURT

Improv comedy. University Heights Center, 5031 University Way NE, 442-2044. $7 general, $5 students. First and third Friday of the month at 7:30. Through August.


QUEER AS A THREE DOLLAR BILL

This queer-themed comedy night comes back to life under the guidance of Jennifer Jasper, of Pulp Vixens fame. Comedy Underground, 222 S Main, 800-992-8499. $6. Tues at 8:30.


* STRANGE FRUIT

Cabaret legend Joey Arias returns with his uncanny rendition of Billie Holiday. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-0388. $15. Mon-Wed at 8. Through June 20.


LATE NIGHT


GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!

Actually, boys in girls' clothing. Drag divas, including Arnaldo!, Phoebe Fabu, Sable Lake, and Tina. Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 Seventh Ave S, 325-6500. $10 (includes complimentary wine). Fri-Sat at 10:30. Through June 30.


* THE HAINT

Troy Mink returns as 14 different characters telling a ghost story set in Midway, TN. A comic Southern Gothic Roshomon. "A tight and funny piece of one-man theater." (Brendan Kiley) Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. $8. Fri-Sat at 10. Through June 16.


SKIP 'N GO NAKED

Tawdry drunken squalor in the guise of leering sketch comedy. Also featuring live music from San Pedro Circus. Theater on the Rocks and Lo Blo combine forces at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 851-3920. $5. Fri-Sat at 11 pm. Through June 23.


LONG RUNS

CABARET: THE RESURRECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.

JET CITY IMPROV at ArtsWest, 938-0339.

JET CITY IMPROV at University Heights Center, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at A Contemporary Theatre, 292-7676.

MYSTERIAN at Illusionz Magical Entertainment Center, Issaquah, 425-427-2444.

THEATERSPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.