OPENING THIS WEEK

THE FANTASTIC VOYAGE OF MARCO POLO · Northwest Puppet Center

THE ONCE AND FUTURE JAYNE · The Crepe de Paris

THE STORY OF THE BULL · Macha Monkey Productions

UTILITIES · Northwest Actors Studio

ONE WEEK ONLY

FAULTY GROUND · Lingo dancetheater

THE SECOND CITY · Out to Laugh

SPIN THE BOTTLE · Annex Theatre

THE TWILIGHT ZONE · Kent-Meridian High School Performing Arts Center

CLOSING THIS WEEK

I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE · Broadway Performance Hall

LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER · Book-It

MR. FRUMPYPANTS AND THE FREAKYDINKS · Union Garage

SPIDER'S WEB · The Driftwood Players

STRAIGHT · Northwest Asian American Theatre

UNFAIR ARGUMENTS WITH EXISTENCE/ROUTINES · A Theatre Under the Influence

WHAT HAPPENED WAS... · Liberty Deli

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC

Co-produced by A Contemporary Theatre. The musical responsible for "Send in the Clowns"--lush romanticism or trite trash? Discuss. Featuring Hayley Mills, former child star of The Parent Trap and Polyanna. Gosh, she was cute. *sigh* The 5th Ave Theatre, 1308 5th Ave, 292-ARTS. $18-$58. Tues-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7:30. Through Oct 14.

ANOTHER AMERICAN: ASKING AND TELLING

Reviewed this issue. Marc Wolf's one-man docudrama culled from interviews on the American military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. $31-$44 ($10 for anyone under 25). Tues-Sun at 7:30, Sat-Sun at 2. Through Oct 26.

CLUE THE MUSICAL

Reviewed this issue. They don't even have the common decency to use a comma in the name of this production. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $14-$20, $10 for students under 25 on weekdays and during matinees. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, 3 pm matinees on Oct 6, 14, 20. Through Oct 20.

THE FANTASTIC VOYAGE OF MARCO POLO

A fantasy based on Marco Polo's trip from Venice to China, featuring underwater puppets! Northwest Puppet Center, 9123 15th Ave NE, 523-2579. $6.50 children, $7 seniors, $8.50 adults. Fri at 7:30, Sat-Sun at 1 & 3. Through Oct 28.

THE GIN GAME

"A card game becomes a metaphor for life," says the press release. Back when you were knee-high to a grasshopper, this won the Pulitzer Prize. Features a catered dinner. RipTide Dinner Theatre at ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-9793. $26. Fri-Sat at 7 pm for dinner, 8 pm show (also Sun on Oct 7 & 14). Through Oct 20.

* I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE

A musical revue described by some reviewer as "Seinfeld set to music." He said it, I didn't. "Like the majority of musical revues, I Love You... forsakes plot for vibrato, character development for bouncy jingles, and story line for 'jazz hands.' 65% of it will evaporate from your mind the second the house lights come up. But the remaining 35% makes this show worth seeing.... Mostly frilly, sometimes fun, but ultimately forgettable first-date fare." (Adrian Ryan) Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 325-6500. $23-$25. Fri-Sat at 8. Through Oct 6.

IN IT FOR THE MONEY

A bunch of skits and songs about everything from ukuleles to Nazis, from the guys who brought you the Tumbling Tumbo Brothers. Featuring two members of the late lamented Kings' Elephant Theatre. Tumbo Productions at Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 440-0314. $12, pay-what-you-can on Thurs. Thurs-Sat at 8. Through Oct 13.

JOHNNY TREMAIN

A young silversmith loses his job and starts throwing tea into Boston Harbor. Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $14.50-$22.50. Fri at 7, Sat-Sun at 2 & 5:30. Through Oct 27.

JOYFUL NOISE

The creation of Handel's Messiah. Sort of an 18th Century episode of Behind the Music. Reviewed this issue. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $17-$25. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat at 2. Through Oct 27. (Starting Oct 5, NightCap Comedy Improv plays after every Friday show at 10:15. $5.)

LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER

See Stranger Suggests. Featuring naked people tucking flowers into each other's pubic hair--or at least Book-It's original production did. Book-It at the New Performance Studio, Seattle Center House, 325-6500. $19 general, $17.25 seniors/groups ($15 students on Thurs & Sun). Thurs-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 2. Through Oct 7.

LITTLE MURDERS

Jules Feiffer's darkly comic examination of random violence. Perhaps the most appropriate play that could be performed right now. Seattle Public Theatre, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $14-$19. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 2. Through Oct 28.

* OUR COUNTRY'S GOOD

Australian convicts in the late 1700s put on a show. "Pain, pathos, humor, revulsion, and charm, all expressed with soul and candor; I can't remember when I've seen such a skilled and well-rounded ensemble cast... How can you help but love a show with a character called 'Shitty Meg'? That's right. You can't." (Adrian Ryan) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12 (anyone under 18 gets in free), opening night gala on Sept 14 is $15. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun matinee on Sept 30 at 2. Through Oct 13.

ROOM

A solo piece inspired by Virginia Woolf, from theater whiz Anne Bogart. On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $22 Wed/Thurs/Sun, $24 Fri-Sat. Wed-Sun at 8. Through Oct 14.

THE SERVANT OF TWO MASTERS

The classic farce, featuring a knockout cast of local talent. Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $30-$42, $10 for anyone 25 or under. Tues-Thurs & Sun at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2 (additional 2 pm show on Wed, Oct 24). Through Oct 27.

THE STORY OF THE BULL

See Stranger Suggests. Torrid Greek myths told as pithily as possible, in a play by Stranger theater editor Bret Fetzer. Features some hot girl-on-girl action. From the crew that did Live Girls Do Elektra. Macha Monkey Productions at Velocity MainSpace, 915 E Pine St, 2nd floor, 285-9442. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8. Through Oct 13.

* STRAIGHT

The Stranger's own David Schmader whips out his smart and witty exploration of conversion therapy. Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 7th Ave S, 340-1049. $12. Fri-Sat at 7:30. Through Oct 6.

* UNFAIR ARGUMENTS WITH EXISTENCE/ROUTINES

A collection of short theater pieces by aging Beat poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti. "The evening would have been more succinct if there had been six short plays instead of eight. But Unfair Arguments comes across strong, and if you like nonlinear, experimental theater, don't hesitate." (Stacey Levine) A Theatre Under the Influence at the Union Garage, 1416 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12, pay what you can Thurs. Thurs-Sat at 8. Through Oct 6.

UTILITIES

A solo show from San Francisco, in which a landlord interviews a wide variety of applicants for an apartment. TANTA Productions at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8:30. Through Oct 20.

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES

This week, Tracey Leigh, Amy Love, and Ann Wilson (from Heart!) perform Eve Ensler's monologues about the gates of dawn, as one high-school friend who listened to way too much Pink Floyd called it. Someone other than Ms. Wilson will join the bill next week. The Moore Theatre, Virginia & 2nd, 292-ARTS. $26-$46. Tues-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7. Through Oct 14.

* WHAT HAPPENED WAS...

Tom Noonan's play about a date gone horribly awry. The performance includes a three-course meal. "Actors Kady Douglas and NYC transplant Thomas Hewitt Brooks both imbue their parts with vibrant energy, and while the mismatched pair eat dinner (at a table shared by two audience members who can observe the actors literally at arm's length), we see how lonely and screwed up they are." (Stacey Levine) Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29. Fri-Sat, dinner starts at 6:30, show follows. Through Oct 6.

DANCE

No one is dancing this week in Seattle. How sad that is.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY

CAMPFIRE

Long form improvisation, based on audience experiences with unexplained--i.e. spooooooky!--phenomena. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theatre, Post Alley below the Pike St. Market, 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8. Through Oct 27.

COMEDY COURT

Improv comedy. University Heights Center, 5031 University Way NE, 442-2044. $7 general, $5 students. First and third Friday of each month at 7:30. Through Nov 16.

THE ONCE AND FUTURE JAYNE

See Bio Box. Seattle favorite Jayne Muirhead sings and talks at the Cabaret at the Crepe de Paris, 1333 5th Ave, 2nd level, 623-4111. $45 for 3-course meal and show; $18 for show only. Thurs at 8, Fri-Sat at 8:30. Through Oct 13.

SECOND CITY

The legendary Chicago comedy troupe that brought you John Belushi, Mike Myers, Gilda Radner, and many others who will not be performing at this event. Out to Laugh at Meany Hall, UW campus, 628-0888. $25 ($10 for UW students at HUB box office). Fri at 8, this week only.

LATE NIGHT

MR. FRUMPYPANTS AND THE FREAKYDINKS

Perverse puppet theater from the overheated brain of Cory Jess Nealy and James L. Martin II. Serious Dogs Productions at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 444-4315. $7. Fri-Sat at 11. Through Oct 6.

SPIN THE BOTTLE

The monthly cornucopia of stuff returns with Heidi Heimarck, Matt Fontaine, the Trachtenburg Family Slide Show Players, and more. Annex Theatre at Velocity MainSpace, 915 E Pine St, 2nd floor, 728-0933. $5. Fri at 11, this week only.

TWILIGHT ZONES LIVE

Two classic episodes--To Serve Man and The Grave--done up in patented Schmeater style. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $8. Fri-Sat at 11. Through Oct 13.