There is only one God—the God whose son is Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died for our sins, and if you believe in Him and follow His rules, you shall have everlasting life. As Jesus said in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth, and the life." But not everyone believes in the truth. Many believe in false idols, animal spirits, ancestral spirits, black magic, swamp creatures, and other fantastic mirages of the imagination.

We Christians are required to make an effort to correct the wrong. However, not everyone can be corrected. Those of us who have had the blessed opportunity to do the Lord's work in Third World countries know that some natives are just darn tough. These recalcitrant souls refuse to break with their old ways and beliefs. Where we, the faithful, see Satan, they see some grandparent who has come back from the dead in the form of an eggplant. One tribe I worked with in Malawi, near Lake Victoria, was convinced that goats contained the souls of their ancestors, and no amount of preaching and teaching could convince them otherwise. What was I supposed to do? I was beating a dead horse. Instead of wasting my breath one moment longer, I stopped trying to convert the incontrovertible natives and simply pitied them.

We Christians must show pity on those who cannot see nor follow the way, the truth, and the life. We must try our best not to look down on them. According to Romans 14:2-3, "For one believeth that he may eat all things: Another, who is weak, eateth herbs. Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth." Christians get to eat everything. Other faiths only eat herbs. Let us survey a few of the world's faiths and take pity on their followers, for they know not what they are doing nor where they are headed—straight into the seething Lake of Fire.

Buddhism

Many people on the other side of the world practice this fatally flawed faith, which has colorful rituals, such as burning incense sticks before a golden shrine and waving the smoke up and down. Buddhist priests wear bright yellow costumes and shave their heads. The basic belief of Buddhism has to do with the transmigration of souls—after death, the soul is thought to move, perhaps from a tree to a dog, then to a human. The goal of all this soul movement is to achieve "Nirvana," which is not at all like Heaven. Heaven is an actual place; it is God's country, and it has clear blue skies, lots of sunlight, and sheep that are free to roam with lions. Nirvana is not a place but a condition—a condition of being nothing. I know, it makes very little sense; but as Christians, as those who have the privilege of eating everything, let's take pity on this anemic faith, nourished only by herbs. When you meet a person who is determined to remain a Buddhist, step down to his level for a moment and let him know that Catholics also burn incense—that's at least one thing his faith got right.

Judaism

Besides those silly hats and Kabbalism (the ridiculous esoteric tradition that turned Madonna into an insufferable "mystic"), Jews only have one problem, but it's a very big and deadly problem: They don't believe in Jesus Christ, the Lord and Savior of mankind. Despite the overwhelming evidence (such as the miracles Jesus performed), those of the Jewish faith refuse to make that last and necessary leap into the strong, ever-open arms of His salvation. I once knew a young boy who was in the very same predicament, and it cost him his life. It was a cold day on a cold lake in Nebraska, and the boy only had to jump from his boat, which was sinking, into my boat, which was afloat. He didn't jump and so he died. What can we Christians do but take pity on the "chosen people" who, for reasons that are truly frustrating, cannot, will not, jump into the safety of the New Testament? Instead, they stubbornly remain in the leaky world of the Old Testament. Lord, have mercy on their souls. If you happen to meet a fated follower of Judaism, show him your warm side by letting him know that kosher franks are indeed the world's best hotdogs. He will be pleased to hear that from a Christian.

Islam

First and foremost, Islam is a peaceful religion. Also, Islam has many offshoots and mutations, like the Nation of Islam, which is based in Chicago, Illinois. The Nation of Islam believes that people who have white skin are devils (every Christian knows that devils have blood-red skin).

Mecca is the spiritual capital of Islam, and every day at some hour or another, followers of this faith throw themselves on the ground and pray in the direction of their spiritual capital. Though Hell-bound, these people deserve an A-plus for their total commitment (submission, if you will) to their God, whom they insist on calling "Allah." If you happen to meet an Arab (or black Muslim), don't attempt to convert him, as it simply won't happen. Instead, just compliment his religion for preserving the works of Aristotle during Europe's dark ages. Then run.

Agnosticism and Ecumenicalism

Some overly tolerant souls claim that all religions are one or, even more stupidly, that we cannot know the ultimate truth of the cosmos. That spineless lie can be refuted with one simple sentence from Psalm 119: "I hate men who cannot make up their minds."

Atheism

Hell's most painful acid baths and razorblade massages are reserved for those who have the audacity to claim that God (the King of Heaven!) doesn't exist. If God doesn't exist, then the Devil doesn't exist; and if the Devil doesn't exist, then God doesn't exist—see, it's all the Devil's work, this bankrupt business of atheism. And only our Heavenly Father knows how challenging it is to take pity on prideful atheists. Yes, it's difficult; it's as hard on the heart and hands as lifting a whole mountain off the ground. But we must not give in to the pressure; we must not be filled with the desire to see all these godless city people simultaneously struck down by bolts of lightning. There will be a time when God calls us Christians as He did in Ezekiel 9:5. Then we shall go "through the city, and smite: let not your eye spare, neither have ye pity: slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children." Until then, we must simply pity the fools, as the blessed Mr. T once put it. (Despite all the worldly gold around his neck, the former star of the TV show The A-Team is a very sound Christian.) When the time comes, and it will come, the ego of the atheist will roast like the heart of a beast on a funeral pyre.