Thursday, June 23
8:00 CBS THE CUT
Horrific burn victim Tommy Hilfiger divides the contestants into two teams: uglies and pretties.
8:00 MTV CROSSROADSâMovie
(2002) In her film-acting debut, Britney Spears joins pals on a cross-country trip to jump in some boys' traveling pants.
Friday, June 24
8:00 TLC WHILE YOU WERE OUT/WHAT NOT TO WEAR
It's a self-improvement double cross when a hubby gets the house redone, and a wifey gets a makeover. Neither will save their marriage.
Saturday, June 25
9:00 am NBC WIMBLEDON
Get yer early morning boner watching tennis hotties Andy Roddick, Maria Sharapova, and Rafael Nadal!
10:00 FAM I WANT TO BE A SOAP STAR
Aspiring actors live together on a soap opera set, just to show how desperate some people will get.
Sunday, June 26
9:00 FOX FAMILY GUY
When The Bachelorette comes to town, Brian is chosen as a contestant (which is funny because he's a dog?).
10:30 MTV THE ANDY MILONAKIS SHOW
A tubby teen gets his own MTV comedy show, while you will probably die in anonymity. Enjoy!
Monday, June 27
9:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN
It's "Italian Night" at therestaurant, which means Chef Ramsay will stick his Italian shoe up the contestants' asses.
9:00 ABC AIR FORCE ONEâMovie
(1997) When terrorist Gary Oldman steals President Harrison Ford's plane, it's time for some red, white, and BOO-YAH!
Tuesday, June 28
9:00 ABC EMPIRE
Another homoerotic miniseries set in ancient Rome, this time starring Caesar's gay nephew.
10:00 FX RESCUE ME
Tommy discovers his wife took his kids to Ohio! Jesus, why don't you just drive them into a lake?!
10:30 COM STELLA
Debut! Improv comedy based on the popular stage show.
Wednesday, June 29
9:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS
When Joey McIntyre gives his partner an onstage mustache ride, judge Bruno Tonioli declares it, "Appalling! I loved it!"
Making gravy on the dance floor since 1994. steve@thestranger.com
