Thursday, Dec 15
8:00 FOX THE O.C.It's a very special Chrismukkah when Ryan gets Bar Mitz-vahkkahed to help the crippled Johnny.
9:00 NBC THE APPRENTICESeason Finale! It's down to that one dude vs. the chick on crutches. Does anybody really watch this anymore?
Friday, Dec 16
8:00 ABC A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMASCharlie Brown learns the true meaning of the holiday, and he's more depressed than ever.
8:00 TOON HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS!Yay! The cartoon version, not the stoopid movie starring ass-eater Jim Carrey.
Saturday, Dec 17
8:00 ABC THE SOUND OF MUSIC—Movie(1965) An Austrian widower avoids the Nazis and gets freaky-deaky with the nanny. Oh yeah, and they sing.
Sunday, Dec 18
8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONSIt's a trilogy of Christmas-themed shorts, including "I Saw Grandpa Cussing Santa Claus."
9:00 PBS MASTERPIECE THEATREA terrific repeat of the Emmy-award winner for best mini-series,
The Lost Prince.
Monday, Dec 19
8:00 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENTLucille's face-lift inspires a horror movie. By the way, I'm ready to sacrifice one of my pinky toes if Fox will keep this show on the air.
8:00 NBC DEAL OR NO DEALDebut! A rip-off of
Let's Make a Deal starring Howie "Why Do People Keep Hiring Me?" Mandel.
Tuesday, Dec 20
9:00 ABC BARBARA WALTERS: HEAVENHeaven: Is it a city built on fluffy clouds and populated with goody two-shoes, or a figment of an oppressive government's imagination? Barbara Walters investigates!
Wednesday, Dec 21
10:00 TVLAND SIT DOWN COMEDYKind of like
Inside the Actors Studio for comedians, director/comic David Steinberg interviews Larry David.
10:00 ABC LOSTA repeat of the episode that shows what the tail-section survivors were doing for their first 48 days. Turns out, not much.
E-mail your apologies to God via steve@thestranger.com