Film

This Week on TV

8:00 USA LONE WOLF McQUADE--Movie

(1983) The best goddamn Chuck Norris movie ever, where he's buried alive with his monster truck--that is, until he slaps that baby into overdrive! Yeeee-HAW!

8:00 MTV TRUE LIFE

Dirty rotten little sluts and druggies get sent to military boot camp!

8:00 FX POINT BREAK--Movie

(1991) In order to catch bank robber Patrick Swayze, FBI agent Keanu Reeves is forced to surf and bone a beach bunny.

10:30 COM CRANK YANKERS

Super Dave Osborne joins the cast of filthy puppets who make prank phone calls.

8:00 TBS SIXTEEN CANDLES--Movie

(1984) Everybody forgets poor lonely Molly Ringwald's birthday--except for loverboy Long Duck Dong!

10:00 PBS P.O.V.

Okay, you're not going to believe this, but you should watch this documentary called Hybrid, about a grandfather who's obsessed with corn. It's good. See? I knew you wouldn't believe me!!

9:00 CBS BIG BROTHER 3

The agoraphobic hit returns with a new houseload full of asshole roommates.

Will you adopt me? Please? steve@thestranger.com