10:00 CBS WITHOUT A TRACE
Debut! FBI task force uses psychological profiling to find missing persons, and get chicks in the sack.
9:00 ABC THAT WAS THEN
Debut! A 30-year-old gets magically transported back to high school, as if we give a poot.
8:00 VH1 DRIVEN
American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson gets her own biographical documentary, which apparently means I'm chopped liver.
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Season Premiere! Yahoo! Alias is back, and Sydney's hot and bitchy mom is along for the ride!
10:00 NBC BOOMTOWN
Debut! One of the more interesting shows of the season, this revolves around a crime revealed from several different perspectives.
8:00 FOX CELEBRITY BOOT CAMP
Screaming staff sergeants make washed-up celebs (including Coolio, Kato Kaelin, Barry Williams, and--omigod--Tiffany!) drop and give them 20.
9:00 WB SMALLVILLE
A hot 'n' horny teacher uses the power of stinky pheromones to seduce Lex.
8:00 A&E BIOGRAPHY
The life and times of the world's most sophisticated comedian, Benny Hill.
I predict mail.