Thursday, Sept 26

10:00 CBS WITHOUT A TRACE

Debut! FBI task force uses psychological profiling to find missing persons, and get chicks in the sack.


Friday, Sept 27

9:00 ABC THAT WAS THEN

Debut! A 30-year-old gets magically transported back to high school, as if we give a poot.


Saturday, Sept 28

8:00 VH1 DRIVEN

American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson gets her own biographical documentary, which apparently means I'm chopped liver.


Sunday, Sept 29

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Season Premiere! Yahoo! Alias is back, and Sydney's hot and bitchy mom is along for the ride!

10:00 NBC BOOMTOWN

Debut! One of the more interesting shows of the season, this revolves around a crime revealed from several different perspectives.


Monday, Sept 30

8:00 FOX CELEBRITY BOOT CAMP

Screaming staff sergeants make washed-up celebs (including Coolio, Kato Kaelin, Barry Williams, and--omigod--Tiffany!) drop and give them 20.


Tuesday, Oct 1

9:00 WB SMALLVILLE

A hot 'n' horny teacher uses the power of stinky pheromones to seduce Lex.


Wednesday, Oct 2

8:00 A&E BIOGRAPHY

The life and times of the world's most sophisticated comedian, Benny Hill.

I predict mail.

steve@thestranger.com