Thursday, January 9

9:00 WB SURREAL LIFE

Debut! A new reality series where washed-up celebrities become roommates! Featuring Webster's Emmanuel Lewis, MC Hammer, Corey Feldman, and Mötley Crüe's Vince Neil!


Friday, January 10

10:00 CBS QUEENS SUPREME

Debut! Sorry, not a new series about a queer drag club! This one is about Oliver Platt as a judge in Queens County, New York. Boooooooooo!


Saturday, January 11

9:00 E! STAR DATES

Tootie (Facts of Life's Kim Fields) goes for some booty in this celebrity dating show.


Sunday, January 12

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Ariana (Faye Dunaway) goes to extreme measures to investigate Jack. (I think somebody has a crush on somebody else!)


Monday, January 13

8:00 COM REVENGE OF THE NERDS--Movie

(1984) A nerd getting revenge? I'm sorry... but... the concept is just so laughable!


Tuesday, January 14

9:00 FOX 24

Nina proves herself to be more slippery than an eel coated in lube when Jack tries to capture her!


Wednesday, January 15

9:00 FOX MAN VS. BEAST

Humans and animals face off in a series of events, including "Gore the Matador," "Peck out the Eyes of Your Enemy," and "Hey, Everybody! I've Got a Gun!"

How about a spinoff called Hammer Loves Webster? steve@portlandmercury.com