9:00 ABC ARE YOU HOT?
There are only 16 people left in this competition, which means the rest of us are disgusting, ugly, and fat.
11:30 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
The only show on television where the war-lovin' Bushies are getting the lickin' they deserve!
8:00 TVLAND THE TV LAND AWARDS
John Ritter hosts this awards ceremony to celebrate old TV shows and the dead people who created them.
9:00 ABC ALIAS
After learning the truth, furious Sydney goes ballistic on that backstabbing bitch of a mom!
10:30 MTV PUNK'D
The ever-dreamy Ashton Kutcher shows his naughty side with this new show featuring pranks and other ways to make normal people look stupid.
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
A whopping two-hour performance featuring 12 finalists, three bickering judges, and one increasingly annoying host.
9:00 FOX BERNIE MAC
Bernie draws the conclusion that fellow comedian Chris Rock is getting preferential treatment--and that's because he is, and he SHOULD.
Jesus still loves me. steve@thestranger.com