Film

This Week on TV

9:00 ABC ARE YOU HOT?

The two finalists are shocked when it's revealed that in order to win, they have to prove proficiency in basic arithmetic.

8:00 NBC THE MOST TALENTED KID IN AMERICA

Saved by the Bell's Mario Lopez hosts this singing/dancing kiddie talent show... but wouldn't it be more useful to find a kid who could shut his goddamn mouth for five minutes?

9:00 USA NASHVILLE STAR

Apparently inbred rednecks need careers too, as evidenced by this C&W talent show.

5:30 ABC THE ACADEMY AWARDS

Please, please, let Catherine Zeta-Jones lose the Oscar and go on a pregnant, vengeful rampage!!

9:00 FOX MARRIED BY AMERICA

Five engaged couples (who have just met) plan a wedding and try not to tear each other's eyes out.

9:00 FOX 24

Now that the nuclear bomb has been safely detonated, it's time for America to do what she does best: RETALIATE!!

8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: AMAZON

An intertribal romance develops. Haven't these people ever heard the phrase "Don't dip your piranha in tribal poisoned dart juice"?

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