9:00 ABC EXTREME MAKEOVER Kind of like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, if the queers cut your face up.
9:00 VH1 I LOVE THE '70s KISS, Charlie's Angels, the Muppets, Starsky and Hutch, and more are featured in this episode documenting 1976!
8:00 CBS PAPER MOON--Movie (1973) Ryan and Tatum O'Neal star in this Oscar-winning flick about a father-daughter con team in the '30s.
10:30 SCI SCARE TACTICS A magic-store employee nearly craps his pants after discovering he's being stalked by a creepy clown!
8:00 NBC FALL PREVIEW SHOW NBC trots out a peek at its fall lineup of crap, starring Rob Lowe, Alicia Silverstone, and the increasingly unfunny Whoopi Goldberg.
8:30 MTV THE WADE ROBSON PROJECT Britney Spears' choreographer FINALLY gets his own reality show. Yeah, but where's the show for the kid who bags Carson Daly's groceries?
10:00 COURT SMOKING GUN TV The Daily Show's Mo Rocca hosts this funny look at celebrity fuck-ups!
10:00 TVLAND INSIDE TV LAND An uptight and alright look at the history of African Americans on TV. Dyn-o-mite!
9:00 FOOD UNWRAPPED A documentary on the Easy-Bake Oven. How could you not be interested in this? You can bake a freakin' CAKE with a light bulb!!
8:00 FOX PERFORMING AS... Contestants compete as their favorite musical superstars. I wonder if anyone will dress up like Michael Jackson?
9:00 FOX THE O.C. Bad boy Ryan becomes a permanent member of the Cohen family, who will undoubtedly quickly realize their horrible mistake.
8:00 VH1 TOTALLY GAY A peek into the suddenly popular homosexual lifestyle--because if you haven't heard, "gay" is the new "straight."
8:00 HALL THE LOVE BUG--Movie (1968) A Volkswagen somehow gives its racecar-driving master herpes.
The Humpy Awards™: Brought to you by your friends at Hormel Chili.
