Thursday, March 2
9:00 FOX SKATING WITH CELEBRITIES
Season Finale! Okay, washed-up celebs! This is your final chance to entertain us by busting your heads on the ice!
Friday, March 3
10:00 NBC CONVICTION
Debut! Young hot lawyers get it on in this sexified version of Law & Order.
Saturday, March 4
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Calling all nerds! Get a fresh pair of underpants, because Natalie Portman is the host.
Sunday, March 5
5:00 ABC THE ACADEMY AWARDS
Hosted by Jon Stewart. Right, as if you were going to be watching something else!
Monday, March 6
10:00 SPIKE PROS VS. JOES
Debut! Couch potatoes take on former sports gods to see who has the bigger beer belly.
Tuesday, March 7
10:30 MTV 8TH & OCEAN
Debut! A new reality show about hot models sitting around a house, looking hot.
Wednesday, March 8
8:00 UPN AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
Season Premiere! Tyra is back with a new pack of cat-fightin' bitches! Meee-OW!
10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY
Season Finale! Heidi Klum declares a winner and says "Auf wiedersehen" to the losers!
Honk, honk, HONKY! steve@thestranger.com
