9:00 CBS REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION
Don't miss this taxpayer-funded pep rally starring Bruce Willis, Ben Stein... and, oh yeah, that Bush guy.
10:00 TNT ENTER THE DRAGON--Movie
(1973) Bruce Lee opens up a can of chop-socky whup-ass on some opium crime lords!
9:00 FOX GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS
Two idiots try to roll up a frying pan like a newspaper. They really shouldn't let crackheads on this show.
9:00 COM THE UNPLEASANT WORLD OF PENN AND TELLER
America's smart-assiest magicians stick an audience member in a burning box. HAW! HAW! Good one!
10:00 ABC THE BEST COMMERCIALS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
Featuring pitchmen from around the globe selling motor oil and panty liners.
10:00 TBS THE BLUE LAGOON--Movie
(1980) Brooke Shields stars in this precursor to Survivor, and she never once bitches about eating rats!
Sunday, August 6
9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
Find out what happened when the cast of Eight Is Enough turned into Just Eight More Actors in the Unemployment Line.
10:00 DSC IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
Weird, icky babies that pop out of their mommy's bellies without any pee-pees or hoo-hoos.
9:30 TBS THE BIG RED ONE--Movie
(1980) Greatest actor of all time Lee Marvin leads a ragtag troop of grunts in this terrific war movie.
10:00 COM STRANGERS WITH CANDY
Jeri does double duty when she tries out for the cheerleading squad while trying to learn to read.
8:00 WB BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Buffy's first day at college SUCKS when she gets a demon for a roommate.
10:00 NBC WEST WING
Catch up on all the West Wings you've missed, all this week at 10:00 p.m.!
8:00 CBS SURVIVOR
If you just can't bear the suspense anymore, find out the latest Survivor gossip and spoilers at www.survivorsucks.com.