Thursday, August 3

9:00 CBS REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

Don't miss this taxpayer-funded pep rally starring Bruce Willis, Ben Stein... and, oh yeah, that Bush guy.

10:00 TNT ENTER THE DRAGON--Movie

(1973) Bruce Lee opens up a can of chop-socky whup-ass on some opium crime lords!


Friday, August 4

9:00 FOX GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS

Two idiots try to roll up a frying pan like a newspaper. They really shouldn't let crackheads on this show.

9:00 COM THE UNPLEASANT WORLD OF PENN AND TELLER

America's smart-assiest magicians stick an audience member in a burning box. HAW! HAW! Good one!


Saturday, August 5

10:00 ABC THE BEST COMMERCIALS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN

Featuring pitchmen from around the globe selling motor oil and panty liners.

10:00 TBS THE BLUE LAGOON--Movie

(1980) Brooke Shields stars in this precursor to Survivor, and she never once bitches about eating rats!


Sunday, August 6

9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

Find out what happened when the cast of Eight Is Enough turned into Just Eight More Actors in the Unemployment Line.

10:00 DSC IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?

Weird, icky babies that pop out of their mommy's bellies without any pee-pees or hoo-hoos.


Monday, August 7

9:30 TBS THE BIG RED ONE--Movie

(1980) Greatest actor of all time Lee Marvin leads a ragtag troop of grunts in this terrific war movie.

10:00 COM STRANGERS WITH CANDY

Jeri does double duty when she tries out for the cheerleading squad while trying to learn to read.


Tuesday, August 8

8:00 WB BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Buffy's first day at college SUCKS when she gets a demon for a roommate.

10:00 NBC WEST WING

Catch up on all the West Wings you've missed, all this week at 10:00 p.m.!


Wed., August 9

8:00 CBS SURVIVOR

If you just can't bear the suspense anymore, find out the latest Survivor gossip and spoilers at www.survivorsucks.com.