9:00 ABC WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
Reege welcomes an assload of washed-up TV celebrities... so, where's Gary Coleman??
9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE
Grace finds a b-friend who has six toes on one foot. Hey, at least this one isn't gay!
8:30 WB POPSTARS
The carbon-copy girl group begins to wonder if it's just a carbon-copy girl group.
10:00 VH1 BEHIND THE MUSIC
VH1 tries to figure out how Huey Lewis and the News ever became popular.
7:00 USA MIMIC--Movie
(1997) Mira Sorvino stars in this flick about dirty rotten cockroaches who turn into dirty rotten people.
9:30 MTV DUDE, THIS SUCKS
A new Gong Show-styled talent contest for the mentally impaired.
5:30 ABC THE ACADEMY AWARDS
The yearly celebration of the film industry and obscenely expensive dresses that look like dental floss.
8:00 TNT ROAD HOUSE--Movie
(1989) Only the greatest fawking movie of all time, and the winner of ZERO Academy Awards.
8:00 ABC SOUTH PACIFIC--Movie
(2001) An updated version of the interminably long stage musical by Rogers and Hammerstein. Starring Glenn Close and Harry Connick Jr.
10:00 NIK THREE'S COMPANY
Mr. Roper suspects Chrissy may be in love with him after his sack falls out of his pants.
9:30 ABC WHAT ABOUT JOAN?
Debut! Joan Cusack stars as a beleaguered high- school teacher in this suspect sitcom.
10:00 ABC NYPD BLUE
The detectives search for a missing thumb... at least I think it's a missing thumb, because I can't ever seem to understand a goddamn word they're saying.
9:00 FOX BOOT CAMP
Debut! A new reality show where contestants win money by surviving a military boot camp. "Drop the drama, 'cause I ain't your mama!"
