Thursday, January 3

8:00 WB POPSTARS 2

Over 4,000 screaming fans turn up for a band no one has ever freaking heard of before!!

9:00 MTV SEX 2K

An in-depth look at freakos who like to have sex while dressed up like teddy bears.


Friday, January 4

5:00 AMC THE OMEN MARATHON

Damien's parents flip their wigs after discovering their kid is the anti-Christ, in this marathon of all three Omen movies!

8:00 A&E BIOGRAPHY

The life and times of #7 on my list of the greatest actors of all time, Patrick Swayze!


Saturday, January 5

10:00 COM SOUTH PARK

The new paraplegic in town threatens to steal Timmy's spotlight in this episode sensitively titled "Cripple Fight!"

10:00 TRAV THE DAY OF THE DONGA

I don't have anything to say regarding this documentary about the Mursi tribe... but it sure is a funny title!


Sunday, January 6

8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS

Death, destruction, and bitter tears ensue after the family engages in a game of Monopoly.

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Sydney's dad is accused of killing a bunch of CIA agents, as well as withholding 14 years of her allowance.


Monday, January 7

8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR

Host Joe Rogan convinces ordinary people to inject Ebola into their eyeballs for cash and prizes.

9:00 VH1 25 YEARS OF PUNK

Lou Reed limps down memory lane to recall the founding fathers of punk.


Tuesday, January 8

8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Buffy stumbles into an invisibility ray, which means no one can see her new haircut. Yes, I said NEW HAIRCUT!!

9:00 TVLAND THE ROCKFORD FILES

While working on a case, Rockford gets kidnapped and beaten to a pulp in this episode that sounds strangely similar to all the other episodes I've seen.


Wednesday, January 9

9:00 CBS MICHAEL JACKSON: 30TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION

A repeat of one of the weirdest two hours of television I've ever seen! Don't miss it!