Film

This Week on TV

10:00 MTV SEX 2K

Ever wonder about those naughty ads in the back of this paper? Then learn everything you ever wanted to know about escorts in this sexy documentary!

8:00 FOX THE CHAMBER

Contestants are locked in a chamber to see how many questions they can answer with their ass on fire.

8:00 UPN THE LOVE BUG--Movie

(1968) Dean Jones is thrilled about taking possession of "The Love Bug"--until he realizes it has herpes.

9:00 ABC STEPHEN KING'S ROSE RED--Movie

(2002) A bunch of snoopy psychics break into a haunted mansion and get the poop scared out of them by ghosts.

8:00 VH1 BEHIND THE MUSIC

The rise, predictable fall, and rise of head-banging metal-heads Metallica.

9:00 WB SMALLVILLE

Clark must stop an invisible enemy intent on yanking Lex Luthor's underpants up his crack.

8:00 FOX THAT '80s SHOW

The makers of That '70s Show have out-crapped themselves with this newest craptacular crap fest centering around the '80s.

I'll have my own convention, goddammit! steve@thestranger.com