Thursday, Feb. 7

9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE

Jack hits the roof when a straight guy (Matt Damon) tries to nab his spot in the gay men's chorus!


Friday, Feb. 8

8:00 NBC WINTER OLYMPICS

Pomp and butt-shivering circumstance.


Saturday, Feb. 9

10:00 COM SOUTH PARK

Stan teams up with Jesus to save the boys from falling victim to a suicidal cult.


Sunday, Feb. 10

8:00 A&E INSIDE THE PLAYBOY MANSION

Hugh Hefner gives us a guided tour, including the Jacuzzi, the pool house, and the cum-soaked couch.

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Finally! Part two of the episode where the surprisingly pudgy Quentin Tarantino attempts to take over SD6.


Monday, Feb. 11

8:00 USA WESTMINSTER KENNEL DOG SHOW

It may be the fanciest of all dog shows, but I swear to God those judges are fondling those mutts' nuts.


Tuesday, Feb. 12

8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Dawn accidentally conjures up a demon that almost kills the Scoobies. When are her hormones gonna calm down??


Wednesday, Feb. 13

10:00 USA COMBAT MISSIONS

Hunky members of the military participate in war exercises during the day, and spirited games of grab-ass at night.

Avoiding success since 1994. steve@thestranger.com