TIDBIT ROUND-UP
GOSH! I've been so busy with that damn Q13 news team lately, I've left the REAL celebrities flapping in the breeze! This gossip ainât gettinâ any fresher, so letâs get busy!
FIRST OF ALL, Iâm told queen bitch Martha Stewart has been house-hunting out here, but as expected, nothingâs perfect enough for her majesty! Of course, this could be a lie⌠but in real-estate rumors, Iâm one for one, baby!! Remember my now-famous Kenny G scoop? You donât. Oh. Well, screw you.
HIPSTER HUMOR: Okay, so this scenesterâof impeccable scenester credentials, mind youâgoes into a tattoo shop, spots an oddly mystical design, and requests a tattoo. Painful hours and many dollars later, he leaves satisfied. It isnât until days later that he learns his latest tat is none other than⌠THE LOGO OF THE MARINERS BASEBALL TEAM! Hardy-har-har!! (True story!)
WHOâS HANGING OUT? Mopey Elliott Smith and gf, walking in Fremont, in (awwww!) matching stocking caps! Later, Elliott Smithâs drinking a beer at the Breakroom, SAME STOCKING CAP, and (hereâs a shock) moping. ⢠⢠⢠At the Green Lake Starbucks, whoâs sippinâ on a Frappuccino but our old pal Irene McGee, the un-starstruck gal who ditched Real WorldâSeattle. My informant, Jon, said she looked like sheâd been eating âone too many donutsâ! ⢠⢠⢠At the Seattle magazine âHot Singlesâ party at Tini Bigs: Bill Nye the Science Guy, dressed nattily in a black-tie tux, digginâ for gold in his left ear. He scratched it for at least a good minuteâwhat, has he got some kind of science experiment growing in there? And okay, I have to say it: You can dress him up, but you canât take him out. ⢠⢠⢠Boy, do people ever not like Symphony maestro Gerard âShovey Mcâ Schwarz! Apparently at work heâs an absolute âtyrantâ! One anonymous insider said, âHe will threaten, scream belittle, accuse, and just plain bully his musicians. âŚHe seems to enjoy working in an atmosphere of fear. âŚWhat you saw in Thriftway was just a glimmer of this sadistic human beingâs nature.â Brrrrrrr!!
LOVELINEâS Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla spoke at UW, in a dismal room packed with hormone-oozing 20-year-olds, Fri Feb 12. I admit Adam tickled my funnybone âokay, he was hilariousâbut their road show screeched to a halt when an audience member asked about cock rings⌠AND THESE SO-CALLED SEX EXPERTS DIDNâT KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT THEM!! I mean, even I could have answered his simple question, and I donât even have a cock! Attached to my body, I mean. Donât any of those frat boys read Savage Love? Anyway, things slid downhill with their insipid âGay Aptitude Testâ from their new book. The show ended with a thud when Adam (at Drewâs request) imitated a fat little Russian kid trying to gangsta rap, urging âSlap that bitch!â Dr. Drewâs too much of a pussy to tell Adam where to get off. Thatâs what Diane Farrâs for.
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: A couple weeks back a Cap Hill gal heard a knock on her doorâand who was on her doorstep, but the band Sycophant! No, sheâd never ever met them beforeâturns out they found her wallet (credit cards, ID, $$) in the parking lot of the Queen Anne Larryâs Market. When she offered them reward $$, the boys said, âWe simply couldnât!ââbut humbly asked her to spread the word about their showâthis Fri, Feb 19 at the Tractor Tavern. (BTW⌠theyâre not just heroes, theyâre a tip-top band!)
God bless Sycophant. shirley@thestranger.com