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OH YES, VIRGINIA, there is a Mr. Y! How did I come to this realization? Via a loooong e-mail from a self-described "Canuck" who was sure he'd ID'd Mr. X--but he was wrong, Wrong, WRONG!! Anyway, here's his report: "Our buddy Mr. X [actually Mr. Y!] did his stint as a reporter, and also did his stint as a sour-ass, bad-news, arrogant, fluffed-up queer boy, and impressed no one except those who would bare their cock and balls for someone so shallow. [meee-YOW!!] ...There are more than a few sordid drunk tales about him!" Well, friends, I can't "blow my wad" about Mr. Y just now, so I'll have to fill you in as time permits!
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MEANWHILE, WALLINGFORD'S CRAWLING with sexy TV personalities! First it's Q 13's Leslie Miller at the video store, then next thing you know, my girlfriend Jane's innocently checking out a hot little "grunged-out" boy at the Blue Star. Dude's very art-school in his Poindexter glasses, baseball cap, and sandals, then some guy saunters up to him and says, "So where'd the Big Q put you up in Coos Bay?" Omigod, omigod, it's Ron Corning!!--and he looks even better without the make-up and hairspray (if that's even possible)! 路路路And guess which flawlessly coifed news anchor my pal Melissa spotted jaywalking across E Pike St? Jean Enersen--obviously! She was looking all Martha Stewart in jeans and a navy turtleneck, schlepping her own groceries (!!) from Harvard Mkt QFC to her turquoise Subaru.
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LET'S GET PHYSICAL! A certain other Ron Corning devotee (is there no end to his desirability?) shared this keen observation about KOMO 4 newscaster Dan Lewis: "[He's] one of those people who... their head is out of proportion with their body." Please elaborate, girlfriend! "I saw him down at Westlake, and when I pointed him out to my father who was with me, and commented on the big head, my father commented that his lower half did indeed seem too small....[Dan] was wearing jeans and white sneakers, and everything just looked tiny compared to his head. It was weird." 路路路Musician Lisa Orth of Parini (who has no small noggin herself) reports meeting Blondie's Deborah Harry, and being floored by the magnitude of Deb's gigantic melon. She observes that people tend to zoom in on faces (unless, of course, you have breasts as well managed as Susan Powter's...), thus those with big heads are destined for stardom. Other big-beaners of note: Leslie Miller, Sherman Alexie, Ann Wilson, Jason Finn, Dale Chihuly. (Word to all you wannabes: big hair helps.)
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ANATOMICALLY SPEAKING, I'm also informed that a certain KING 5 weather guy "is so self-conscious about his paunch that he never goes on air without a corset." If only they'd let him meteorologize from behind a desk! Apparently no one can tell a damn thing about your bodily proportions when you're hiding behind one of those things! Am I right, Mr. Lewis?
Jim Castillo, you rock. shirley@thestranger.com
