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EVEN JOCKS CAN LOVE: Last Sat 5/8 my pal Tom was on the elevator at the King County Administration building, and who should step in but frighteningly Aryan-looking Seahawk Brock Huard, along with his gf--presumably, blond Husky b-ball star Molly Hills. The two were giddy, and Brock the jock kept chanting in a sing-song voice, "We're going to get our marriage license!" Onlooker Tom says wistfully: "It was both retarded and touching at the same time. Either he's hopelessly in love, or they had a pitcher or two at lunch!" Awwww!!
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IT GETS LONELY ON THE ROAD: A certain hustler in town, who we'll call "B.J. Hooker," says last week he got more calls from 801 Pine St. than from anywhere else. And what's so special about 801 Pine St.? That's where the touring cast of Evita was staying! Don't cry for me, gonorrhea!
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KING 5's GENTLE GIANT: My friend Coco met KING 5 news anchor Dennis Bounds, and reports, "Oh my lord, is he tall! And much better-looking in person than on that horrible KING 5 news." To the delight of his public, Big D was wearing a "very cool" pair of orange cowboy boots. Rumor has it, he always wears those boots. My informant "The Rooster" reminded me: "When you see him on the news, remember: he's wearing orange cowboy boots! Pants--maybe, maybe not. Boots--definitely!" Coco went on to describe the gargantuan Dennis as "studly," and called his make-up "nice," but notes with disdain, "He has a limp, wussy handshake." (Oh, shut up, Coco! You're just jealous of his boots!)
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SPEAKING OF STUDLY NEWS ANCHORS: I got this e-mail, from a "mysterious" source! "Shirley: You're missing the hottest action on the Q13 Fox News: Scott Engler. Somehow, he's been overlooked in your column. Seems like he's the only straight guy on TV... girls totally love him. And he's a killer skier. You shoulda seen him tearing up the slopes in Sun Valley! Total Stud!!" Oh, please. Do I look like a moron? This is OBVIOUSLY from Scott Engler himself! Whatsa matter, Scotty? Can't get a date?
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HOLLYWOOD, HERE THEY COME! Near Ravenna and Carkeek Park, there's been an invasion of fancy film crews--along with Tacoma cop cars! What's shooting? Something called Preston Tylk. Stars: Luke Wilson (the "O. R. they?" guy from Rushmore and Drew Barrymore's ex); hot "Prada model" (oh my!) Norman Reedus; and the beloved Dennis Farina (Out of Sight, Get Shorty). That's all fine and good, but when is Seattle gonna get the big stars, like Anthony Michael Hall or Piper Laurie--oh, wait. They're coming next week!
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SOMEBODY CALL PAUL ALLEN! I hear some go-go developers are going to paint over the downtown mural of Jimi Hendrix. For years Jimi has presided over First Ave, near Zobrist Music--now it's up to you, Paul. Save your dead boyfriend from the paintbrush of progress!
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THE VILLAGE IDIOT: Last Fri 5/7 the skinniest man in the world, MTV VJ Jesse Camp, was on the Ave! He did some in-store air guitar work at Tower (to promote his, um, "record"), then went shopping at the Red Light, where he dropped a load of cash on vintage clothes--a 1960s leather MC jacket, sparkly glam wear, and T-shirts: Journey, J. Geils, and Dolly Parton. Hey Jesse: You think your skinny ass is gonna grow into those clothes? Eat a stick of butter, for Pete's sake!
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DON'T FORGET! We trade Stranger boxer shorts for juicy SIFF movie-star tips! Keep your eyes peeled--then call 323-7101 x3137, or e-mail shirley@thestranger.com. Arigato!
