Tools
Excellent
- LITTLE ORPHAN ANI: ANI DiFRANCO
- TYLENOL TALENT: DIAMANDA GALAS
- STUPID BLOODY STUPID!: U2
- Excellent
- CINEMATIC CLICHE: JOHN WILLIAMS
- SURF BLAND: PIXIES
- LYRICAL LIGHTWEIGHT: LEONARD COHEN
- HALF-ASSED HISTRIONICS: MURDER CITY DEVILS
- NASTY NOT NICE: THE BEASTIE BOYS
- LOW-RENT BEATLES: OASIS
- CASH-IN CROONERS: BLONDIE
- MOUTH FULL OF SHIT: BOB DYLAN
- PUNK SUCKS!: THE MISFITS
- TRAGIC WASTE: BOB MARLEY
- FASCIST BULLY: HENRY ROLLINS
- COAT-TAIL RIDER: STING
- JUNGLE/ DRUM 'N' BASS
- NO CLOTHES: SLEATER-KINNEY
- COUNTRY BUMPKINS: BLUR
- SOULLESS DIVA: LAURYN HILL
- BLEARY CRYBABY: RUFUS WAINWRIGHT
- MARKETING FOR MORONS: KISS
- '80s HITS
- ASSHOLE WITH ATTITUDE: FRANK SINATRA
- RADIOHEAD
- HATE HAIKU FOR LENNY KRAVITZ
- HEAD CASES: SUEDE
- IDLE CHATTER: BILLIE HOLIDAY
- JUNKIE JERK-OFFS: THE VELVET UNDERGROUND
- GRUMPY OLD MEN: THE ROLLING STONES
- JOHNNY CASH
- VAUDEVILLE VALET: BUSTA RHYMES
- LITTLE ORPHAN ANI: ANI DiFRNCO
- TYLENOL TALENT: DIAMANDA GALAS
- STUPID BLOODY STUPID!!: U2
These days it's hip to like a singer who sounds alternately like metal grinding against metal, fingernails scraping a blackboard, and a squirrel being choked to death. Diamanda Galas has both the eardrum-popping screeches of Björk and the teeth-grinding low notes of Tom Waits, without either of those artists' redeeming qualities. Sure, she's got a wide vocal range, but must we endure auditory torture for the sake of recognizing an unusual physical ability? Should talent be measured by the amount of Tylenol one needs after a show? For equivalent cheaper thrills, try stepping on a nail, smashing your thumb with a hammer, or placing your head in a meat grinder. Melody Moss






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