Features

VOTE! Who Should Be Crowned Drunk of the Year?

All photos by Kelly O except where noted

Kelly O chose her six favorite Drunk of the Week stars from 2012, and now YOU pick the winner! The drunk with the most votes gets to be on the cover of our upcoming Regrets issue (and who doesn't want to be on the cover of The Stranger? Nobody, that's who!).

1. The Party's Over!

Hey, even if it's your birthday, when the party's over, THE PARTY'S OVER. You don't wanna be "that guy"—when the host throws everybody out, this means you, too. I mean, that host was kind enough to throw the party in the first place, so if he or she wants you to clear out—just do it. Maybe you can't find your pants (or maybe you're only wearing a dirty diaper)—it doesn't matter. You need to hit the road, Jack!



2. Oh, Deer

Did you know that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration estimates that there are around 1.5 million car accidents caused by white-tailed deer every year in the United States? This is especially true in states like Michigan, where this photo was taken. People have long debated whether hunting the animals effectively controls their population—if decreasing numbers really keeps them out of roadways, farms, or your garage, where they often drink too many cans of Miller Lite and then end up rolling around on the floor, laughing and moaning and asking you if you have any marijuana.



3. Melisssaaaaah

I met Mikey and Melisssaaaaah at a party in West Seattle at the Eagles Club 2643. Normally, the Eagles Club is filled with flirty old men and little old ladies with big Las Vegas hair. Not this night. The oldies were replaced by a younger crowd drinking and dancing while Brent Amaker and the Rodeo, My Goodness, and a guitar freak named Reignwolf played music. I missed Reignwolf, but I did meet Melisssaaaaah, who was really funny after she drank, and I quote, "a shhhlot of fuckin' vodkaaaaah!"



4. Straw from Enumclaw

This was the year's best reader submission. Says submitter Toby: "That's Straw in the front, and Piglet, barfing, in the background. In Enumclaw, you don't dare leave a bottle of Roussanne unattended, or a little cloven-hoofed bastard will surely steal it."

Photo by B. Blankenship



5. This Wasted Girl in the Bathroom

You know, sometimes the line is so long for the bathroom at the house party, you might as well just stay in there. I mean, you're drinking warm Black Label from a can—you're just gonna have to pee again in like, what, five minutes?



6. Mickey Mouse, the Street Drunk

I'm not sure how this drunk guy—who plays Mickey Mouse for tips on the Las Vegas Strip—doesn't get sued by multinational media conglomerate the Walt Disney Company. I mean, I don't WANT him to get sued, but gee willikers—he was deeeeee-RUNK! I saw him around noon, rolling around in front of Harrah's casino with a 22-ouncer of Michelob beer. Then, at about 7:30 a.m., when stumbling back from an all-night poker game, my friend spotted him passed out with a daiquiri in his hand on a pedestrian overpass by the MGM Grand with a policeman trying to shake him awake.





 

Comments (27) RSS

Newest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
27
I want to see the ones everyones talking about.
Posted by Emily Intense on December 31, 2012 at 4:00 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 26
But otherwise, Melissa
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on December 18, 2012 at 8:17 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 25
Tim Eyman ftw! Woo hoo!
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on December 18, 2012 at 8:16 PM · Report this
WFM 24
Wait-- what about the hot girl at Havana who made the cover by fellating a light fixture? She gets my vote.
Posted by WFM on December 18, 2012 at 7:09 PM · Report this
23
@22 Kelly O: Okay.....hmm....freesandbags, I think you're right, then.
What IS it about Straw? Those really are some hypnotic eyes!!
The goat says one more vote for Melissssaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!

Merry Cat's Mess to all and to all a safe, happy, healthy & prosperous 2013 and beyond! Cheers, everybody!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 18, 2012 at 2:39 PM · Report this
22
@20 - At this point, I don't think so. Sorry!
More nudityn (less censorship) in 2013 though, promise!
Posted by Kelly O on December 17, 2012 at 1:22 PM · Report this
21
I vote for number 2! Mommy Deer-est!
Posted by Chi Chi on December 16, 2012 at 2:25 PM · Report this
20
Kelly O, could I still vote for Michael?
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 14, 2012 at 9:49 PM · Report this
freesandbags 19
Melisssaaaahhh. I was going to vote for Straw, but that hypnotic goat eye is telling me to do something else. Must Obey Goat Eye....
Posted by freesandbags on December 14, 2012 at 8:00 PM · Report this
Josh Bis 18
DUMPSTER NAP IS DRUNK OF THE CENTURY.
Posted by Josh Bis http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Author.html?oid=3815563 on December 13, 2012 at 2:26 PM · Report this
17
@15: Holy shit, Batman---you've got me there!
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 13, 2012 at 11:47 AM · Report this
Bauhaus I 16
Don't want to be a wet blanket, y'all, but I don't think there anything funny about alcohol abuse. In fact, if you've ever known or lived with a drunk, they're more pitiful than cute and funny. Just sayin'.
Posted by Bauhaus I on December 13, 2012 at 8:57 AM · Report this
Frank Blethen's vodka distiller 15
John Boehner, who else gets drunk and screws a whole country?
Posted by Frank Blethen's vodka distiller on December 12, 2012 at 8:31 PM · Report this
14
Anybody but Melisssaaaaah. Jesus.
Posted by What a fucking niiiiiiightmaaaaaaare on December 12, 2012 at 7:17 PM · Report this
13
@8 Kelly O: Yeah---how about adding the Naked Dumpster Guy as well as Michael? I don't know--unless it's a censor thing, possible legalities, or something...?

@11: Agreed! I vote for Michael, the Snoqualmie Snowman!
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 12, 2012 at 6:56 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 12
@8 I always enjoy nude drunks.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 12, 2012 at 4:25 PM · Report this
delirian 11
@6: Yeah, I can understand why you can't include them on the cover. But I don't think nudity should be something that disqualifies you from the honor of being the Drunk of the Year. Let's be honest, nobody on the list could possibly regret their drunkenness more than those two.
Posted by delirian on December 12, 2012 at 3:48 PM · Report this
10
The two pics of Mickey are of the same guy? His pants are a different color in the two shots. Well, maybe he had an accident and had to change.
Posted by Eastside Mama on December 12, 2012 at 3:21 PM · Report this
9
@2 - RESEARCH! Investigative reporting for Drunk of the Week?
Posted by Kelly O on December 12, 2012 at 3:09 PM · Report this
8
@ 6 and @ 1 — I was a little worried about these two nudie-butts...

Michael: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/drunk…

Dumpster Nap: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/drunk…

Maybe they should have been included?
Posted by Kelly O on December 12, 2012 at 3:07 PM · Report this
7
the drunk mouse is a gimmick. I see that guy in vegas with the same act. He is actually quite sober.
Posted by chaw2000 on December 12, 2012 at 2:40 PM · Report this
delirian 6
How did the naked dumpster nap guy not make on to the list? Were you worried that you would have to censor the cover?
Posted by delirian on December 12, 2012 at 2:16 PM · Report this
Sandiai 5
Goat drank his ears off.
Posted by Sandiai on December 12, 2012 at 1:56 PM · Report this
4
It's really hard!! I think I'm gonna run in 2013. Michelob Ultra and Rumple Minze all the Way.
Posted by jduder41 on December 12, 2012 at 1:08 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 3
The goat reminds me of this thing. Sounds like Straw didn't have a strong moral upbringing like Latoya and Daisy Horse did.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on December 12, 2012 at 12:52 PM · Report this
2
Man I am struggling with this way too much. Even more than those obscure way down the ballot initiatives that seem kind of vague and you didn't research them at all.
Posted by longball on December 12, 2012 at 11:55 AM · Report this
1
Where's Michael from Snoqualmie Pass? He'd get my vote!
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 12, 2012 at 10:22 AM · Report this

Add a comment

Most Commented in Features