Hi Dan. I follow you in Savage Love from Internazionale.

Now i talk about my problem (sorry for my not perfect English). Now iā€™m in a strange mess from about two years with a girl, she have a boyfriend. I must be sincere with you: i love her and i have a strong feel for her and she told me the same thing but she canā€™t leave her old relationship (is a long distance relationship) because her boyfriend is a problematic person, with a difficult past, and some big troubles which she try to resolve with him. Her sexual life with him is not existent (5/10 in a year) but is very intense with me (5 for a week). When i talk with her about it she says to me iā€™m the right person for her but for now she canā€™t leave him because thereā€™s to much unsolved problem but she can see a future with me.

Of course iā€™m very confused about it and i donā€™t know what i have to do. Can i have a suggestion from you?

Tx.

The Other Boyfriend

We have an expression in English, TOB, that you might want to employ (in this situation) and popularize (throughout Italy): "Shit or get off my face*."

Tell this girl she's gotta shit or get off your face already. By which I mean to say: Tell her she's got to pick because you're not going to wait around anymore. It's either the long-distance/short-fucking/big-trouble boyfriend she's got or the close-by/lotsa-fucking/less-trouble boyfriend she could have. But she's going to have to pick because you're not willing to wait around anymore.

Here's the trick: You've really got to the mean that "not willing to wait around anymore." Don't see her again until she breaks up with her BF... a guy she's probably telling some of the same things she's telling you (the right person for her, someone she can see a future with, etc.).

* Actually, TOB, the expression is, "Shit or get off the pot." It's an expression, "used to convey that someone should stop wasting time and get on with something," aka make a fucking decision already. Long ago a coworker used "my face" in place of "the pot" and it was, at the time, the single funniest thing any of us had ever heard. (I believe we were stoned.) Now it's the only version of the expression my friends and I useā€”even at the risk of sounding like a bunch of scat queens to anyone within earshot.