Ben Carson: never-ending source of words, often assembled into sentences.
Ben Carson: never-ending source of words, often assembled into sentences. louise wateridge / Shutterstock.com

Hey everybody, aren't you all clamoring to know what creepy doctor Ben Carson thinks about the pictures on American currency? As you have surely heard by now, Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20. As for Dr. Carson, here's the stunning truth: He doesn't think Harriet Tubman belongs on the $20 bill. Please make a note of it.

"I love Harriet Tubman," he said on Fox Business Network, whatever the hell that is. "I love what she did, but we can find another way to honor her. Maybe a $2 bill."

Okay Doctor Carson! Thank you for letting us know your thoughts! We will carry your valuable insight into our mental mind palace and then deposit it where it belongs.

Most of the reaction to the news has been positive. You'll no doubt be happy to hear that Bernie Sanders isn't afraid to challenge the establishment, and tweeted this fearless message yesterday: "I cannot think of an American hero more deserving of this honor than Harriet Tubman." Brave!

Hillary Clinton tweeted about Harriet Tubman on the $20 a full hour before Bernie did. "I can't think of a better choice for the $20 bill than Harriet Tubman," she wrote. So predictable. That's just what someone in the pocket of the big banks would say.

Edward Snowden tweeted "Outlaw. Fugitive. Hero." (About Harriet Tubman, not himself. I think?) And a person calling herself "Zendaya" who chiefly tweets emojis of faces with hearts over their eyes and has 6 million followers wrote simply, "This is incredible."

"With Harriet Tubman & Suffragettes on $, we give our young girls an everyday reminder of their power to transform our history," Nancy Pelosi wrote, and Chirlane McCray (first lady of NYC) wrote "Justice is served." Well, okay, it's good news, but maybe there is a little more justice still left to be served besides just putting the lady's face on some money?

The best responses came from twitter users following Fox News, of course. And by best, I mean worst. "@FoxNews who in the world is that? Never heard of her & don't want her on the money period. I will refuse any $20 bill with that on it," wrote some jerk.

"Unbelievable. Will try and use ten dollar bills instead. We would not have won the war of 1812 without him," said another.

Okiedokie! Thank you for you input, random weirdos, your dismay is very important and your boycott of $20 bills will make a profound statement. Thank you for serving this great nation by tweeting angrily that you do not want to risk accidentally seeing a black woman when you open your wallet.