I'm a 30-year-old bisexual woman. I was dating my girlfriend (also bisexual) for three years. Our sex life started out amazing but it became kind of a mess. I am a lawyer, the kind that does a lot of trials, and my work is very high stress. I have had a chronic stress/tension condition for about the last 1.5 years that causes my pelvic floor muscles to be constantly tense and sore—which means that it hurts to have penetrative sex. This used to be the main kind of sex that I was into. I do like fucking her, but it turns out I am an inconsistent switch (tend to be more of a femme bottom), and I just don't feel like fucking as often as she wants to, and I am not very dominant and she finds my attempts to top her not adequately confident. She's also interested in kinky sex including pain play, which I am not very interested in. Also she thinks several times per week is the right amount of sex while I feel like having it once every other week, or once a week, and only sex where I am not being penetrated. I gave her a free pass to hook up with men, and she was doing that to supplement our sex life, but when she started wanting to hook up with women I got super jealous and sad.

At this point, I feel like your advice to her would be to dump me already—and she did, recently.

I just don't know what to do about dating right now. Because I am really not at my normal sexual self, but I haven't been in a long time. Should I look for someone who has a low sex drive who would be happy with my current sex drive? But what if I manage to fix my vagina and want more sex in the future? I don't even really feel attracted to anyone right now—except, sadly, my now-ex-girlfriend—but I really miss intimacy. Is it cruel to date people when I'm in this place? I still also want to win back my ex by trying to be more sexual, but I'm afraid that there's no way I can be the partner she is looking for. On the other hand, I think she may end up realizing that she will always need more sexual outlets than one person and I could work on my jealousy issues so that she could actually fulfill her sexual desires in a poly relationship with me. Am I dreaming here?

Lawyer Offloading Sad Troubles

You could pursue people with low libidos—there are lots of them out there (I get letters daily from their frustrated/heartbroken partners)—or you could find yourself a nice asexual person who wants intimacy, companionship, and someone to watch Game of Thrones with, but not sex. Or you could work on your jealousy issues and try to win your ex back with assurances that her sexual needs can be met by others—men and women—without you getting jealous or sad all over her.

Or...

You've got a high-stress job and a stress-/tension-related medical condition that has destroyed your ability to enjoy sex and the collapse of your sex life led to the demise of your otherwise loving relationship... and now, LOST, on top of that stressful job, you're stressing out about how or whether you'll ever find intimacy again.

Have you considered changing jobs? I don't mean abandoning the legal profession, LOST, but perhaps going into some other area of the law? Sex, romance, and intimacy are important—you wouldn't have written if they weren't important to you—and maybe they're worth prioritizing over arguing cases in court. Get your resume together, get some professional help, and get out of trial racket.

Finally, LOST, we're all dreaming here.