Donald Trump talks about running the country like a businessman as if that's a good thing, but this morning he summoned the country to listen to him talk like a nationwide all-company meeting. And who doesn't love those? There's no better way to pass the work day than listening to a dim-witted boss prattle on, all the while assuming that everyone around him enjoys his voice as much as he does.
Fortunately, we are not all Donald Trump's employees (yet), so we are free to mock and disrupt his address as much as we please. Then, just as so many workers do after an all-company meeting, we can return to our desks and work on our resumes (which, in this metaphor, would be OkCupid profiles seeking a spouse who can help us move to Canada).
In as much as Trump ever has a coherent message, the main thrust of this morning's speech seems to be that Hillary's a liar. Ho hum, nothing new about that line of attack. It's not particularly novel, but it is a bit ironic given that his speech is itself loaded down with lies.
For example, he said that Hillary's responsible for bringing Iran closer to a nuclear weapon (in fact, she's responsible for pacts that dismantled Iran's program). He said that Hillary would appoint Supreme Court justices who would overrule the Second Amendment — this is gibberish. He said that the United States has higher taxes than any other country, a claim that I'm sure caused a lot of Europeans to do a spit-take.
In a weirdly specific lie, he said that the Sultan of Brunei gave Hillary a $58,000 piece of jewelry. That gift actually went to the United States government, not to Hillary — she just accepted it on our behalf. Why is Trump bringing up the Sultan of Brunei, of all people? Maybe he's still resentful that he once bought a boat from the Sultan for $29 million, but he had to sell it to a Saudi prince for just $20 million when he fell $1 billion in debt. Great investment, boss!
Maybe the weirdest bit of Trump's latest "Hillary's a liar" push is this new website he set up, LyingCrookedHillary.com. Or at least, a website he ALMOST set up. Have you ever been at a job where a boss announces a new project, and you can tell from your seat at the back of the conference room that it's doomed? Well, as of yesterday, this new website with its terrible URL was just an "under construction" placeholder. And as of today, it's returning an Internal Server Error.
This is a bit of a setback for a man who boasted a year ago, "I have so many websites. I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a website. It costs me $3."
At another point in his speech, Trump said, "Americans, Americans, Americans, the people we love, Americans, America First, Make our country great again." This is not a lie, though it may be evidence of a stroke.
But just as when any other lousy bosses convene a meeting to share their misunderstandings and terrible ideas, the fact remains: they're the one in the big comfy chairs, and everyone else is scurrying to do their bidding. Does it matter that Trump is wrong, that his words are nonsense, and that his website is broken? We're careening through an election that, like so many toxic workplaces, rewards office politics over actual merit.
