You know hes done when a toothpick comes out clean.
You know he's done when a toothpick comes out clean. Albert H. Teich / Shutterstock.com

Here we have Republican cakeboi Tom Cotton, struggling to avoid a question about Donald Trump like a teenager who was just woken from a nap by his algebra teacher.

Senator Cotton was booked on Meet the Press this weekend, and host Chuck Todd kept grilling him about the party's nominee. "What's the case for Trump?" Chuck asked. "Donald Trump can ultimately make the case for himself," said Tom, probably wishing he was at a bakery instead of on the news.

In all, Chuck pushed him three times to explain why anyone would like Donald Trump, and each time Tom's answer was instead about his dislike of Hillary Clinton — particularly where it comes to foreign policy. This is probably because there is really not a lot to say about Trump's foreign policy. Nobody seems to know exactly what his policy is, Trump included.

His lack of enthusiasm notwithstanding, Tom Cotton has squeezed his way into the conversation about Trump's VP pick like a cake-frosting bag full of pudding inserted into a man's anus.

"I’ve gotten very good, you know, very good statements from Senator Cotton, whose parents I know and met," said Trump recently. He also mentioned Chris Christie, and added, "I think that he is a very talented guy. He’s also a very popular, he’s a very popular person. So these are two names that I have high on the list for something at least."

High on the list for something! Well, that's mysterious. I can certainly think of quite a few sugary lists that I'd like to put Tom Cotton on.

Trump, who was probably satisfied just to hear his name mentioned, tweeted approvingly of the whole performance on Meet the Press.


Tom made his way to office, incidentally, with the help of some shadowy wealthy beneficiaries who dumped over a million dollars into his election. A labyrinth of organizations, money-shuffling, and illegally-late financial disclosures has obscured Tom's patrons, so it's anyone's guess who paid for his seat in Congress. Little Debbie perhaps?

If I was to read between the the spongy layers here, I would suspect that Tom really does not want to be the VP pick. If the most enthusiasm for Trump that he can muster is basically, "I dunno, you'll have to ask him," it's hard to imagine how he'd actually campaign for the guy. But what a delicious sight that would be: Tom struggling to find something, anything, to say about a man he clearly doesn't want to talk about.

Yes indeed, on this beautifully bizarre election season, that would be the icing on the cake.