You are a fucking degenerate and the fact that you actually have people believing you are giving helpful and knowledgeable advice is shameful. I sincerely hope you kill yourself before you drag any more people into that cesspool of a mind of yours.

Venting Liberally About Dan

Sadly I didn't get your email until after I filed next week's column—which is really too bad. Because if your email had arrived earlier and if I were inclined to take advice from random anonymous haters and if I didn't have a loving husband to go home to, VLAD, I might've offed myself before lunch and thereby saved myself the trouble of banging out another one of the unhelpful, degenerate, shameful advice columns that made me rich and famous. As things stand now, though, I've already written next week's column so I might as well hang around at least until it's published.

In the meantime, VLAD, I hope you'll forgive me a degenerate aside: this song has been stuck in my cesspool of a mind all damn day...

...and I blame you, NPR!