The Seahawks kick off their season against the Dolphins this Sunday. But before that happens, let’s run through some reader mail in advance of the season. My apologies if I didn’t get to your question this week, next time I surely will.

If you were *forced* to trade Russell Wilson straight up for another single player in the NFL, who would you choose?

There is only one correct answer and two other not totally incorrect answers to this question, but I’ll show my work.

NFL is a quarterback league, so you have to get a QB back. That eliminates Odell Beckham, Aaron Donald, Antonio Brown, J.J. Watt and all of the other great non-quarterbacking NFL’ers.

Wilson is at absolute worst a top-8 quarterback heading into this season so you have to have a quarterback of at least that level to make the deal.

Wilson, barring something catastrophic happening—*frantically knocks on every piece of wood in my house*—still has a decade’s worth of football in front of him. I’d want at least that in return, so you can toss out Roethlisberger, Brees, Brady, Palmer, Rivers, or Romo. I’m also going toss out Aaron Rodgers at this point for this reason even though he is the clear runner-up in this debate.

Wilson is not an accused rapist, so bye Jameis Winston (and Roethlisberger again).

I am not trading Russell Wilson for Andy Dalton even if he was really good last year when healthy. Come on.

You might think the answer is Andrew Luck. It isn’t. Luck lacks the running ability of Wilson, he lacks the accuracy of Wilson, and after last year lacks the history of durability Wilson has. Put another way, Andrew Luck was pretty bad last year even when healthy, and Russell Wilson was arguably better than Luck heading into last year. I would not trade Wilson for Andrew Luck.

So that leaves the answer, which is of course Cam Newton. He has a monster arm, he’s survived playing behind an offensive line as bad as the Seahawks’ and rolling over his car, and he can run. Despite another rough loss to the Broncos last night, Cam Newton is awesome. If I had to trade Russell Wilson it would be for Cam Newton.

Would I trade Russell Wilson for Cam Newton if I didn’t have to?

Nah, I’m good.

Dori Monson's association with the Seattle Seahawks is unacceptable. Could you text him and tell him to leave and never come back?

I agree! Dori Monson is terrible, but I don’t have his phone number! My promise to you, the readers of The Stranger: if someone gets me Dori Monson’s phone number, I will text him and tell him to leave and never come back.

What's up with Jimmy Graham?

He hurt himself really badly last year. He’s mostly better, but the knee injury Graham took was no joke. He may play week one, but he may not. He’ll definitely play by week 4, but he may not be at 100% at all this year, and will be at a fairly high risk of reinjuring himself for the first few weeks back. In an ideal world, you’ll be able to ask me this question week 10, and I’ll be able to answer, “he’s back baby! WOOOOO! JIMMY GRAHAM SLAM.” For now though there’s too much uncertainty for that sort of joy.

What has been John Schneider's most Bavasian move? He's been terrific, but is there a single awful move that makes you kick yourself every time you think about how much better the team could be currently?

For those of you blissfully unaware, Bill Bavasi spent the middle of the 00’s running the Mariners into the ground through a series of trades so idiotic I still can’t believe some of them happened. Nothing that John Schneider will ever do will compare to trading away future All-Stars Shin-Soo Choo and Asdrubal Cabrera in back to back days for two halves of a DH platoon that he cut before the next season even started. Unreal stuff.

But, okay, I guess this question is really asking for the least defensible trade Schneider has made. The obvious choice here would be the 2013 Percy Harvin trade. That was bad, and Harvin was useless and divisive. For me though? I have to go with the 2014 Jimmy Graham trade. The reason? The 2013 draft as a whole was garbage, and John Schneider was wise to get out of that first round. 2014 on the other hand? Shaping up to be an above average draft from which the Seahawks failed to get any real value. As I wrote about this week, those two draft classes are the only thing preventing the Seahawks from being the Super Bowl favorites this year, and while Harvin was the worse acquisition, what we gave up for Graham would have been way more valuable. I give the Seahawks credit for being able to judge draft class quality as it comes in, so they should have known better than to go for Graham in 2014.

What are the chances that the O-line will be better this year?

I‘d say the chances are okay! The Seahawks offensive line on aggregate was terrible last year, and the ceiling this year is certainly higher. Germain Ifedi has a ton of promise, Bradley Sowell has been vaguely competent, the worst parts of Justin Britt’s game are masked at center, and Mark Glowinski seems like he’s ready to start. That said, the floor this year is somehow lower than last year without J.R. Sweezy and Russell Okung around. To add a dash of pessimistic salt to this stew, Ifedi is now hurt, and the Seahawks are playing Ndamakung Suh and Aaron Donald in the first two weeks of the season. So while my answer to your question is “okay!” things could still get pretty bad really quickly.

Why are Seahawks fans so insufferable?

Because we’re the best. Next question.

Did everyone just become a fan after the famous "Fail Mary?”

No.

SEAHAWKS... Throwback Thursday on a Friday????

A photo posted by Spike Friedman (@spikefriedman) on Feb 7, 2014 at 10:16pm PST

I am a lifelong Hawks fan. What's the best way to deal with our inevitable fuck ups at the end of the season?

Put on highlights from Super Bowl 48. Or put on highlights from the NFC Championship game that year. Those are some good highlights.

If someone yells "SEA" and you don't want to yell back "HAWKS" are there other things that are acceptable responses? Currently I am saying "You Later" but I feel lacks distinction.

Some options:

“men!”

“ling fan!"

“ther is my favorite Veruca Salt single!”

“ger is my favorite Mariner!”

“ms like you’re yelling at me sir, please don’t!"

Do you appreciate RW's new 'beard' ???

I can only assume that Wilson knows that beard cushioning prevents concussions, so yes, I love the new look.

How bad is the name "Fan" for the #12 jersey? I've liked "Louder" but I can't figure out if I want something super douchey or just regular douchey.

Honestly? I’m not a big fan of the 12 jersey in any iteration, but yes “FAN” is my least favorite. I think the only reason to get the 12 is if you’re one of those people who wants to put your own name on your jersey. The 12 is perfect for that, even if I still think it makes you look like (even more of) a child (than wearing a jersey already does… and I say this as a jersey wearer).

Could you please cast the Seahawks organization in a classic musical (preferably in the Dame Sir Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber or Sondheim cannon)?

Are you asking me to Jesus Christ Superstar the Seahawks? Done.

Jesus: Marshawn Lynch
Judas: Brandon Browner
Pontius Pilate: Bill Belichick
Caiaphas:Tom Brady
Peter: Darrell Bevel

The crucifixion of Marshawn? Super Bowl 49.

Who is the worst Seahawks starter? Not in terms of play but... ugh... that guy is the worst? (There is a correct answer.)

There’s a correct answer? Oh boy…

Okay let’s figure who this question asker wants me to say is the worst Seahawks starter.

We can eliminate Wagner, Wright, Avril, Reed, Rubin, Glowinski, Ifedi, Sowell, Gilliam, whoever winds up being the number two cornerback and Rawls for having little to no known personality. Earl Thomas’ personality is “Football Man” so he’s safe. Chancellor held out last year, but I can’t imagine that’s still being held against him after this offseason. None of the tight ends seem that bad. Doug Baldwin pooped a football one time and is an angry dude but he’s smart and tenacious so I don’t think it’s him. Jermaine Kearse is a “that guy” in terms of his play, but not in terms of his personality. Michael Bennett is dope as hell, and if he’s the answer you can get the hell out of my mailbag.

So that leaves Richard Sherman and Russell Wilson.

It has to be Wilson right?

It better be Wilson. He’s a great player, and weirdly lovable, but yeah, he’s a doof.

I’ll also go on record saying that Richard Sherman is great and would be a mediocre choice for worst Seahawks personality.

You are stranded on a desert island with 3 Seahawks. Which players would be the most ideal for this situation and why?

Earl Thomas would get me off that island all by himself, so for the day or two I’d need to wait while he fashioned us a catamaran, I think it would be fun to hang with Jon Ryan and Michael Bennett.

Which is more likely? The Seahawks win 3+ more Super Bowls with Russell Wilson at QB or the Mariners make the playoffs before Felix Hernandez retires?

This question cut me to the bone. From a scientific perspective, let’s say the Seahawks have a 1/10 chance of winning the Super Bowl every year they have Wilson at QB, and they have 10 years left in his career. At the same time there’s a 0% chance the Mariners ever make the playoffs again, so I have to go with the 3+ more Super Bowls.

Can you explain the difference between a 4-3 defense and a 3-4 defense?

Sure, kinda!

At it’s core the difference is how many down lineman a team uses versus linebackers. The Seahawks run a 4-3 with 4 down linemen and 3 linebackers. The question is whether or not you want to create pressure with a set front four, or if you want to disguise your rush packages and create pressure with blitzing linebackers.

Pete Carroll's philosophy is grounded in a desire to execute at a high level rather than disguise what he’s attempting to do. He runs a relatively vanilla 4-3, though Kris Richard did mix in some fun blitz packages last year to spice things up just a little bit. For others like say, Bill Belichick or Green Bay’s Dom Capers, the tendency is to go the other way, bring pressure from odd angles, and attempt to confuse opposing offensive linemen into failing to pick up rushers. These teams use a nose tackle to soak up interior blockers, and linebackers like Clay Matthews and Rob Ninkovic to get to the quarterback.

The 1st half of the Panthers playoff game was horrible, but the worst part was that I wasn't even surprised that it happened. Are the 'Hawks more prone to getting steamrolled than other top-tier NFL teams, or is it just that I care too much?

I don’t want to pick on you, fair Slog commenting person, but I would argue the Seahawks are the least prone team when it comes to getting steamrolled. Why? Because they literally have not lost a single game by double-digits since Russell Wilson has joined the team, and Wilson himself has yet to miss a practice in that time. That is an absurd level of consistency. Think about how good the Cardinals were last year. The Seahawks still handed them a loss that would have been unprecedented for Russell Wilson in his entire career. This team has been in reach of winning every game they’ve played, including preseason and playoffs, for four straight years.

Where I think you’re on to something is that the Seahawks were miserable in the second quarter of games last season. They also were miserable in the final two minutes of games. This left a weird taste on what would have been by any non-Seahawks standard a really good season.

Which Seahawk would you like to settle down with and build a new life?

This question is really hard. But um… fuck it, K.J. Wright.

Nah, just kidding, I'm with my editor Tricia... Michael Bennett.