I'm a 22-year-old woman and my fiancé is about to turn 31. We've been together for three years. In the last year we moved up to Seattle, WA, just as a change of scenery from Colorado. We started out as friends with benefits and merged into a relationship. We've been exclusive this whole time, but over the course of time sex began to dwindle. I tried explaining to him what I liked in bed and it just would never get there and so neither would I for the most part. He also had pretty much stopped helping around the house at all. So I'm over here working full time just like him but I have to do ALL the things that make our lives run smoothly—bill paying, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning—while having almost NO sex. Oh, and he is obsessed with playing games on his phone and doesn't really like to converse with me. I made many requests for help and for him to be more present in our relationship, to no avail.

Until two weeks ago, I was hanging out with one of my female friends and a male friend of hers joined us and he ended up making an advance... and I didn't stop him... and it just happened. Regardless, I made a mistake and my fiancé snooped and found some things on my phone that were not intended for his eyes.

And that's where we are now.

I understand what I did was wrong. I should have been up front about what I was feeling. Now we're in the mix of trying to figure out if we can work this out. I suggested an open relationship and he said that's a hard no. Now I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I'm sure we could work something out and I do love him but am I going to be happy? He did agree to help more around the house but sex-wise? Conversation-wise? I'm feeling quite lost and confused.

Sorry This Was Long

Whatever happened with the male friend of your lady friend—whatever he advanced, whatever you failed to head off at the pass, whatever photos or videos or other digital evidence of his incursions wound up on your phone for your fiancé to find—it didn't just happen. You did it, STWL, and I'm gonna assume you did it of your own free will and that his advances didn't involve coercion and that whatever went down (and was so thoroughly and incriminatingly documented) was entirely consensual.

So, again, it didn't just happen. You did it... and you did it for a reason... and I'm thinking you did it for a very good reason. You need out of the relationship you're in now, STWL, and even if you don't know it... your pussy seems to know it. So maybe it was your pussy that did it. Maybe your neglected pussy decided to stage an intervention by slamming itself down on the eject button—which came disguised as this other man's dick—and everything was going according to your pussy's plan (get her some, get her caught, get her dumped) but then your fiancé screwed up your pussy's plan by not dumping you for cheating on him.

Your pussy tried to make it happen for you, STWL, but now you're going to make it happen for yourself. The sex isn't there, he has nothing to say to you, and he expects you to cook, clean, shop, do his laundry, and pay the bills while he sits on his ass staring at his phone.

DTMFA.