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I'm a gay guy in my twenties who is reluctantly attracted to older guys. I don't ever see myself marrying someone who is twenty years older than me, I could never be in a public relationship with one either, and I can think of a number of other reasons why I shouldn't find DILFs attractive, but I like them nonetheless. I don't need to think about whether or not I could marry every guy I look at or go home with, but I've never had a boyfriend and I'm tired of it. I want to stop wasting my time ogling guys I can't pursue something substantial with.

I'm in a conservative town in the south where it's hard to come by anyone I'm interested in, let alone someone close to my age, so I'm wondering if I'm just making this struggle worse for myself in the long run by ogling older men and if I should go cold-turkey from DILFs. Or should I accept my fate, try to start something discreet with an older guy, and stay in the DILF closet until the years between myself and my DILFs has narrowed, and just hope a young, future DILF catches my eye before I actually reach that point.

Desires A DILF

Wait—why can’t you openly date older men? Why can’t you date a guy who is in, say, his mid-30s? Or early 40s? You came out (in the south) about being into men. Why can’t you come out about the type of men you’re into? I’m confused.—Dan

Because I have a lot of daddy issues I'd rather not showcase. Also, after having a hard enough time coming to terms with my orientation growing up in a conservative, Christian community, I would like to avoid questioning the validity of the argument (both for myself and others) that being gay is "natural"/"that I was born this way." If my attraction is socially constructed, how can I tell conservative Christians that being gay isn't a choice?—DAD

You don't have to win an argument with an asshole to be yourself, DAD—you don't even have to answer questions about who you're fucking, dating, or marrying and/or why you're fucking/dating/marrying them.

But if someone says, “Daddy issues,” and you want to respond, you can say, “Maybe, but only the best kind." If that someone presses you on the point, bring up women who are attracted to and/or with older men and say, “It’s kinda like that.” If that persistent someone won't let it rest and you want to opt-in to an argument about "socially constructed" desires—because that someone is being a total asshole about your intergenerational relationship—you can say, "I'm gay and I'm attracted to a certain type of guy, you dumb asshole, I'm not gay because I'm attracted to a certain type of guy. Now fuck off."

Most importantly, DAD, get out there and be yourself and be happy. That's what you came out for, isn't it?—Dan

P.S. Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black: twenty year age difference.

...Someone has jet lag ☺️ ❤️💚💙💛💜❤️

A photo posted by Tom Daley (@tomdaley1994) on