I'm a 28-year-old straight guy who generally doesn't make monogamous commitments. I'm sexually active and I use condoms religiously. Almost two years ago I had HPV. (The wart kind of HPV, although I prefer the less loaded "bump kind of HPV.") Planned parenthood removed the (very small) bump, about a year later it returned, and was removed again. (Planned Parenthood helps men directly too!) There is no HPV test for men, only visual identification. From what I understand, that could have been the last of it, and I'm now HPV free, or I might still be carrying the virus. Since diagnosis, I've told potential sex partners about it, and almost all still want to have sex. The HPV virus is usually killed by a young, healthy person's body within 18 months. My question is: At what point should I stop telling people I had/have it? The doctor at Planned Parenthood said that because "almost all sexually active people either have had it or will have it", and considering this kind of HPV is simply cosmetically unappealing, as opposed to actually dangerous, it wouldn't be ethically wrong to not mention it. I like being honest with my partners, even if I barely know them. It distracts me to feel like I'm withholding something. But I'm sure it distracts them to have this information and maybe they'd rather not know?

Honesty Makes Me...

P.S. Years before I was diagnosed, I had sex with a woman who had had HPV - of the other sort. Afterwards I got a little nervous about it, but I didn't regret sleeping with her. In retrospect, I'd rather have not known- my actions would have been the same, but I'd be saved from that bit of neurosis.

P.P.S. Does the answer change at all for younger partners who may have had the HPV vaccine?

I shared your question with Dr. Lori Brotto, a clinical psychologist and a sex researcher at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver and one of my go-to experts on all things sexual/medical/ethical. Here's Dr. Brotto's advice for you, HMM...

Kudos to HMM for seeking help at a Planned Parenthood clinic! He is absolutely correct in that they serve all genders, all orientations, and provide so much more than just contraception.

HMM’s doctor is correct in that most sexually active people will test positive for one subtype of HPV or another. It is also correct that some subtypes of the HPV virus cause warts, some cause precancerous changes of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus/perianal area, and penis. People can be co-infected by more than one subtype, and may or may not have any observable signs or symptoms, and most will clear the virus on their own, without treatment, in 18-24 months. HMM’s use of condoms definitely will reduce the spread of HPV, but will not protect against it 100%.

Now to his question. Every person is different in regards to whether or not they would like to know or not know about their partner’s current or past HPV status. There is no rule to follow, only his best guess based on what he knows about his partner’s degree of health worry. If HMM tells a partner, HMM feels better but risks a partner now being preoccupied with this. If he does not tell a partner, HMM now has the preoccupation and guilt, neither of which make for great sex.

Since we know the penis is not a favourable environment for HPV as compared to the cervix, HMM’s risk is low if he has a healthy immune system. This combined with his consistent use of condoms means that his risk is very low. If a partner has had the HPV vaccine, he can have even greater confidence that the risk of transmission, if he is still carrying HPV, is extremely low (but not absent given that the vaccine protects against only the main HPV subtypes and not all of them). All of this should give HMM permission to feel reassured to not disclose to a partner.

Follow Dr. Lori Brotto on Twitter @DrLoriBrotto.