• Shortly before The Stranger's 2016 election night party at the Showbox, Tim Keck, the publisher of The Stranger, agreed to let Dan Savage, the editorial director of The Stranger, spend $400 on balloons. We regret the error.

• Callan Berry, who works in The Stranger's ticketing department and draws a weekly comic called Police Reports Illustrated, scheduled his wedding the same week as Election Day. We regret the error.

• Tracie Louck, art director at The Stranger, regrets the Great Keyboard Fiasco of election night. Things started out fine at the Showbox, then quickly descended into madness. As the crowd started realizing what was happening, the booze (and tears) began flowing freely, and Ms. Louck took in a little more alcohol than she had planned to. Some of the whiskey in her glass regrettably ended up in her computer's keyboard, rendering it useless. Trying hard not to cry or lose her shit, Ms. Louck desperately laid out pages on a tiny laptop belonging to The Stranger's production manager. In the end, it all got done. A paper came out the next day, and it even had a cover image. For that, she is proud. For the IT department, she regrets the error.

• Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets biting into a cookie that sat on an inviting plate of cookies brought to a Stranger Election Control Board meeting by an earnest man with a purple headband and a lot to say about Citizens United. Mr. Sanders agreed with basically everything the man said but could not abide the man's cookies, which were not sweet but rather spicy. To be clear, this was not a gingersnap sort of spiciness, although extraordinary quantities of ginger may have been involved. It was a four-stars-spicy sort of spiciness. Who makes a cookie that burns?

• Christopher Frizzelle, magazine editor of The Stranger, regrets writing a Slog post a week before the election calling the 2016 race "Xanax Xanadu." Mr. Frizzelle regrets that he spent the weeks leading up to the election checking Nate Silver's FiveThirtyEight forecast with near-religious devotion. Mr. Frizzelle also regrets misogynists, racists, nationalists, fundamentalists, words that end in "-ist," mainstream media, alternative media, the words "the media," Facebook and Twitter (which are the media), the uneducated, television, and people who don't read books.

• Stranger editor in chief Tricia Romano regrets eating that taco last night.

• While Stranger arts and music editor Sean Nelson does not regret being the only Stranger staffer who took Donald Trump's chances of winning the presidential race seriously, Mr. Nelson does have a particle of regret that he is the only Stranger staffer who remembers this fact.

• Jennifer Campbell, The Stranger's digital managing editor, regrets every dumb Donald Trump meme she posted on Slog before the election. LOL that demagogue's hair looks like a tuft of corn silk... LOL.

• Tufts of corn silk, cheese puffs, golden-haired Treasure Trolls, donkeys' bottoms, orange Tic-Tacs, Biff from Back to the Future, guinea pigs, Oompa Loompas, and blobfish join their voices in regret and protest over your perception that they resemble president-elect Donald Trump in any way, shape, or form. Tufts of corn silk, cheese puffs, golden-haired Treasure Trolls, donkeys' bottoms, orange Tic-Tacs, Biff from Back to the Future, guinea pigs, Oompa Loompas, and blobfish kindly request that you remove that article or meme from your website, Twitter page, or Tumblr feed. They have feelings too, you know.

• In a July 28 Slog post about Black Lives Matter and superheroes, Jen Graves, The Stranger's art critic, wrote "Civil War–era" instead of "Civil Rights–era." We regret the error.

• For The Stranger's 2016 Thanksgiving issue, news reporter Ana Sofia Knauf wrote a whole essay about how she and a friend, both pescatarians, once left the giblets in a Thanksgiving turkey they cooked. Much to her chagrin, Ms. Knauf ended up making another turkey for this year's Thanksgiving and leaving the goddamned giblets inside AGAIN. We regret turkeys, chagrin, and Ms. Knauf. In her defense, she also writes about cannabis for The Stranger.

• Jessica Fu, The Stranger's social media manager, regrets saddening herself every day by reading the Slog and Facebook comments, which include ASCII art, low-quality memes, and references to women as "whores." :(((

• Charles Mudede, a longtime Stranger writer and editor, regrets spending money in small towns between Seattle and Portland, Oregon. He will never do that again. Whatever is needed for trips will be purchased only in places that voted for Hillary Clinton. The lovers of the pussy grabber do not deserve one penny of Mr. Mudede's money.

• In the April 6 issue of The Stranger, in a restaurant review, we published the phrase "screaming hot walk" instead of "screaming hot wok." We regret the error.

• Stranger reporter Sydney Brownstone regrets Spirit Airlines, a budget airline targeted to millennials, for canceling her flight out of Cleveland after she spent five nights sharing a futon with Stranger city hall and politics reporter Heidi Groover to cover the Republican National Convention. Ms. Brownstone also regrets telling her Stranger editors that Spirit Airlines was the cheapest option when she easily could have lied and gone with Delta or American Airlines, or really any airline whose profit margin doesn't rely on crowding broke 26-year-olds onto long, uncomfortable flights with absolutely zero amenities. Spirit Airlines is emblematic of the crisis of late capitalism and they also never provided snacks. Fuck them forever.

• Stranger chief technology officer Anthony Hecht used to think the internet was a good idea. He regrets the error.

• When Bob Dylan wasn't answering phone calls from the Nobel Prize Committee, Stranger arts editor Sean Nelson and books editor Rich Smith agreed that Dylan's snub was the most Dylan thing ever. Despite the fact that the two men disagreed on the issue of Dylan winning a literature prize, Mr. Nelson and Mr. Smith wanted to write a Slog post about how they kissed and made up over Dylan being so Dylan. Autumn had come to Seattle, and Mr. Nelson suggested that the two take a photo that resembled The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan's album cover, in which Mr. Nelson would be Dylan and Mr. Smith would be Suze Rotolo hanging on his arm, to illustrate the Slog post. Mr. Smith regrets not taking that photo.

• Jen Graves, art critic for The Stranger, regrets attempting the Beyoncé song "Love on Top" at karaoke and warns you not to try it.

• In a December 6 story about Uber's efforts to convince drivers they don't need to unionize, Stranger news reporter Heidi Groover made several mistakes. First, Ms. Groover neglected to mention that the company now has an appeals process for drivers who feel they've been unfairly kicked off the app. Ms. Groover also described the leases the company now offers drivers as potential debt traps for drivers who get kicked off the app, when in fact, according to the company, there are ways for drivers to quickly get out of those leases if they're no longer driving for Uber. Ms. Groover regrets these errors, and her editors are beginning to wonder if she is permanently stoned or just bad at her job.

• On a related note, Uber's flacks are beginning to regret all the effort they've spent calling and e-mailing Ms. Groover to give her extra "context" about their fight to stop their drivers from unionizing. They are starting to realize Ms. Groover still isn't buying it.

• Tricia Romano, editor in chief of The Stranger, regrets all the sex she is not having.

• Grant Hendrix, who works in The Stranger's ticketing department, regrets inadvertently goading Callan Berry, who also works in The Stranger's ticketing department, into freestyle rapping about Shakespeare for the better part of a day.

• On a related point, Grant Hendrix does not regret hijacking Callan Berry's laptop and making it recite Hamlet at Mr. Berry when he refused to stop freestyle rapping.

• In a November 30 story, Stranger staff writer Dave Segal detailed the agony of tossing hundreds of music magazines into a recycling bin while preparing to move residences. After Mr. Segal settled into his new apartment, he found he had to jettison yet more old publications, as well as several folders full of his clippings of Stranger pieces written over the years. Mr. Segal regrets his lack of space, rising Seattle rents, and his pathological compulsion to hoard.

• Jessica Fu, The Stranger's social media manager, does not regret sounding, in her Saint Pablo review, like "a fan girl who stays up an extra 15 minutes after returning from a Kanye West concert to express her minority opinion of an extremely flawed and self absorbed individual," as one commenter on The Stranger's Facebook page put it. Ms. Fu wants you to know that that is exactly who she is. You'll have to dig much deeper to reach her heart's bedrock of shame.

• Dan Savage, author of Savage Love, an internationally syndicated advice column, also does not regret sounding.

• In the Stranger Election Control Board's endorsements for the November 2016 general election, The Stranger wrote that Pramila Jayapal "won" a fight against payday lenders during her time in the state senate. In fact, Jayapal lost that fight. The bill Jayapal was opposing passed, thanks to a bunch of Republicans who were busy deep-throating the payday lending industry. (That bill did die later in the Democratically controlled state house, a death Jayapal takes partial credit for.) We regret the error.

• In those same endorsements, the SECB screwed up the names of the candidates challenging both US Representative Suzan DelBene and US Representative Adam Smith. Jesus Christ. We regret the errors.

• Charles Mudede, a Stranger critic, deeply regrets only discovering Brian Eno's Discreet Music 41 years after it was released in 1975. It is one of the greatest things the 1970s made. It's as important as King Tubby's King Tubbys Meets Rockers Uptown (1976) and Kraftwerk's Trans-Europe Express (1977). There is a little Close Encounters of the Third Kind in the melodic melancholy of Discreet Music.

• In the September 27 issue of The Stranger, we incorrectly printed Christinia Eala's name as "Christiana" Eala. We regret the error.

• The Stranger's digital managing editor, Jennifer Campbell, regrets that she misspelled Donald Trump's name in the headline of a Slog post about how Donal Trump maybe can't read.

• Stranger copy chief Gillian Anderson regrets internet trolls. Why don't you guys take a nice walk outside and get some air already?

• Tracie Louck, art director at The Stranger, regrets taking the bus from Columbia City to Bumbershoot on Saturday, September 3, 2016. It took an hour to get there, and upon arrival, she wandered around aimlessly, missing key performances. In her defense, Seattle Center during Bumbershoot is a maze of exit signs and hidden entrances. At least she got to see Explosions in the Sky.

• In the March 23 issue of The Stranger, due to a printer error, the Weed column jumped into nowhere, page numbers disappeared, and the feature appeared in the back of the issue, rather than at the front, where it goes. We regret these errors.

• In the April 27 issue of The Stranger, we ran a We Saw You item entitled "Eavesdropping on Your Conversation on the Sidewalk," which began: "On a Friday afternoon while walking west on 11th Avenue..." As maps have since led us to believe, 11th Avenue runs north-south, not east-west. We regret the error.

• In the September 14 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled Emily Chisholm's name in giant letters at the top of her Genius Awards profile. This was horrifying.

• Rich Smith helped cover the 2016 election for The Stranger, and he regrets not writing 15 articles about how Hillary Clinton's actual policies—paid family leave, debt-free college education, and an increase of the federal minimum wage—would have meaningfully contributed to the country's quality of life.

• Jen Graves, art critic for The Stranger, refuses to list the many regrettable things that happened in Seattle art in 2016. She's been writing about them all year, and it would just bring you down.

• Jennifer Campbell, digital managing editor of The Stranger, still regrets that there were no snacks provided at Joe McDermott's primary night party at Alki Huddle Sports Bar & Grill. Previous primary night party coverage had led her to believe that these things usually had pizza, or a bag of oranges at the very least.

• Adult coloring books regret to inform you that it is just as mindful, if not more so, to just fucking draw something.

• Stranger reporter Sydney Brownstone regrets enabling a level of codependency in her friendship with Stranger city hall reporter Heidi Groover so strong that said codependency has started to defy the laws of biology. For example, just eight hours after Ms. Brownstone alerted Ms. Groover to the existence of a urinary tract infection, Ms. Groover also started experiencing urinary tract infection symptoms. Both reporters ended up contracting urinary tract infections on the same day, and they both went to the same emergency care clinic to get them treated. Coincidence? Or dark UTI friendship magic? In times like these, who can really say?

• Julia Raban, a calendar editor at The Stranger, wrote in our listings that an art show featured "hog-sculpted glass" instead of "hot-sculpted glass." Ms. Raban regrets her error, though she does occasionally have dreams about what the former would look like.

• In the October 12 issue of The Stranger, on page 23 of our blowout 25th Anniversary issue, we reprinted an excerpt from a 1996 article called "I Seattle Commons." Unfortunately, we printed it as "I [[HEART SYMBOL]] Seattle Commons." We regret the error.

• In the March 16 issue of The Stranger, light-rail enemy Dick Falkenbury claimed light-rail trains move 240 people at a time. Standard two-car trains can hold 400 people. Sound Transit can also run four-car trains during rush hours. We regret the error.

• Stranger music and arts editor Sean Nelson regrets the shouting fight he got into on Thanksgiving at the homeless encampment known as the Jungle, but, in Mr. Nelson's defense, the activist dude he told to "shut the fuck up" was drunkenly criticizing homeless people for making poor nutritional choices, liberally using the phrase "bitch media" to describe The Stranger, and blatantly being a total hippie asshole. Still. Thanksgiving.

• The Stranger regrets piety as a resting face.

• Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, was tasked during the summer of 2016 with a relatively simple matter: writing the Stranger Election Control Board's primary-election endorsement in the Eastside's 8th District congressional race. Mr. Sanders wrote, and The Stranger published, an endorsement urging voters to support Democrat Tony Ventrella for United States Congress. In fact, Tony Ventrella had dropped out of the race weeks earlier for "personal reasons." Mr. Sanders would blame Russian hackers or his own "personal reasons" for this error, but he simply failed to google deeply on deadline. Saddest part: Until the error was corrected—and it was quickly corrected—some primary voters may have missed the opportunity to vote for Democrat Santiago Ramos, the self-made immigrant from Jalisco, Mexico, who was still in the race and ended up being the SECB's revised primary pick for the 8th District. Weirdest part of all this? Even though Ventrella had dropped out of the race and been un-endorsed by the all-powerful SECB, he was still on the primary ballot and ended up making it through the primary because so many people (like Mr. Sanders) were confused about what the hell was going on. Ventrella then said, in not so many words: Guess I'm back in this. Since his zombie candidacy had sailed through the primary, he decided to run in the general election. On Election Day, Ventrella lost to Republican congressman Dave Reichert by 65,425 votes—or, in percentage terms, 40 percent to 60 percent, which is not really that bad for a zombie candidate. Mr. Sanders regrets everything about all of the above.

• Stranger reporter Sydney Brownstone regrets that she did not immediately interrupt a Stranger Election Control Board meeting by flipping over the conference room table and setting it on fire when John Dickinson, a candidate for the 37th Legislative District, winked at her.

• Stranger editor in chief Tricia Romano regrets not responding to that Facebook message in a timely fashion.

• Stranger staff writer Dave Segal regrets that music-gear and instrument-repair shop Platinum Records, which closed its Pike Street shop in 2015, has not reopened in Seattle since then. It was a convenient, reliable resource for DJ gear in a DJ-intensive neighborhood. In its place is a store called Bait, which sells high-end streetwear and is almost always sparsely populated by patrons whenever Mr. Segal walks by it. Mr. Segal heard from a trusted source that rent in that spot is now $15,000 a month.

• Tracie Louck, art director at The Stranger, regrets not talking to her crush at the Genius Awards at the Moore Theatre in September. She was looking pretty cute that night, but alas, the hours of time she spent applying makeup, curling hair, and obsessing over the perfect dress went to waste (except on that one cute selfie she took with her friend).

• Stranger arts and music editor Sean Nelson regrets the fact that he can't really make it all the way through the Hamilton soundtrack despite the startling number of people who have told him he should play King George in it.

• Stranger magazine editor Christopher Frizzelle regrets Sean Nelson's "taste."

• In the spring issue of Seattle Art and Performance, which is The Stranger's glossy arts quarterly, a search-and-replace gone wrong changed Omar Sosa's name to OMarch. We regret the error(s).

• In the April 6 issue of The Stranger, a We Saw You item was titled "Overheard in Ballard," but since the incident happened at Lottie's Lounge, it obviously took place in Columbia City. We regret the error.

• Julia Raban, a calendar editor at The Stranger, regrets the fact that she's a gullible idiot who apparently can't read. After signing a pile of very liberal bills at a table outside QFC, Ms. Raban got lazy and thought that "a fair vote for co-ed bathrooms" was something good. It was not. She's still wondering how someday she'll explain to her grandkids that their mee-maw was so dumb she signed a bigoted anti-trans bathroom bill.

• Stranger art critic Jen Graves regrets spreading the common misconception that the Lusty Lady in Seattle was woman-owned in a September 26 Slog post. Men owned the late, great peep show, unlike its counterpart in San Francisco. In Ms. Graves's defense, when Seattle's Lusty Lady was open, the dancers were managed by former dancers and paid hourly as opposed to independent contracting.

• Stranger editor in chief Tricia Romano regrets that she still hasn't replied to your e-mail. E-mail is a black hole.

• In July, Stranger writer Heidi Groover posted a blog post about a local art project created by Shout Your Abortion, an activist group whose values Ms. Groover agrees with but which Ms. Groover thinks overestimates its own importance. In the Slog post, Ms. Groover offered a mild criticism of the organization, writing that their event was full of "scenesters" (a word Ms. Groover now sort of regrets using because come on, she's better than that) and that perhaps Shout Your Abortion should consider taking their message to somewhere a little less preaching-to-the-choir-y than Capitol Hill. In response, Shout Your Abortion's founder took to Facebook with a diatribe outlining all the reasons Ms. Groover is bad at her job. This was certainly not the first time someone has explained for Ms. Groover why she's ill-equipped to call herself a journalist, but it was the one that featured the most ALL CAPS. Commenters on multiple platforms proceeded to argue about the merit of Ms. Groover's critique and expound on why Ms. Groover is so terrible, including that Ms. Groover and her colleague Sydney Brownstone "JUST LOOK LIKE THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN MEAN GIRLS IN HIGH SCHOOL/never grew out of it." Ms. Groover regrets writing this post, not because she was wrong in her critique—she wasn't—but because holy fuck what a waste of her time.

• Stranger reporter Ana Sofia Knauf regrets snarling like a feral raccoon at Cafe Pettirosso patrons who snag the ONE FUCKING TABLE by the electrical outlet during the lunch rush.

• Jessica Fu, The Stranger's social media manager, regrets titling her post on the return of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which began filming after Trump's devastating election, "The Future Is Not All Bad." Since the post's publication, the future has proven itself to appear worse than bad.

• In the January 27 issue of The Stranger, in the article "The Rise of Seattle Hiphop," we claimed Avatar Darko was a member of the Moor Gang, when he isn't. Moreover, we forgot to mention Gifted Gab, who is a valued member of the crew. We regret these errors.

• Stranger editor in chief Tricia Romano regrets that half of her seemingly intelligent and compassionate extended family have turned into Trump supporters. Ms. Romano regrets that they rejected her Christmas gift subscription to the greatest newspaper in the world, the New York Times (that's a nice gift! That's not cheap!), because they'd rather get their news from "other sources." Ms. Romano regrets that this rejection of a subscription to the paper of record will lead to greater ignorance.

• Callan Berry, who works in The Stranger's ticketing department and draws a weekly comic, regrets referring to Charles Mudede as "Charlie" that one time.

• In the March 16 issue of The Stranger, a food review mistakenly described the signature dish at Fremont restaurant Eve, the Eve Hot Bowl, as being made with clarified butter. The dish, made with olive oil, sesame oil, and tahini, is vegan. We regret the error.

• In the July 13 issue of The Stranger, in the primary endorsements, when talking about Donald Trump, we wrote "wretch" instead of "retch." We regret the error.

• In the April 20 issue of The Stranger, we ran the sentence "We watched four police offers chase our neighbor." That made no sense. We regret the error.

• Grant Hendrix, who has worked in The Stranger's ticketing department for two and a half years, regrets that members of the editorial staff are still introducing themselves to him on a regular basis.

• Stranger arts and music editor Sean Nelson regrets that you still insist that fashion is an art form.

• Stranger staff critic Rich Smith spent an entire weekend in 2016 analyzing Joanna Newsom's song "Leaving the City" for a piece in the music section coinciding with a Seattle appearance, but Mr. Smith made a glaring mistake in the chart he constructed as a visual aid. The short version is that Mr. Smith recognized that Newsom employs two internal rhymes in her verses, so for example in the line "the bridle bends in idle hands," the primary rhyme is bridle/idle and the secondary rhyme is bends/hands. (The latter example is a slant rhyme, but let's table that for now.) All was going well until Mr. Smith scanned the last two lines, which go, "We post and sit in impotence: / the harder you hit, the deeper the dent." The primary rhymes here are clearly post/imPOtence and harder/deeper. The secondary rhymes are clearly sit/impotENCE and hit/dent. Against all reason, Mr. Smith didn't even mark the secondary rhymes in the first line on his chart, and he swapped the primary and secondary rhymes in the last line. Mr. Smith argues that harder/deeper didn't sound like a rhyme to him, even though they're exact rhymes, because the accented vowel in each word is louder than the unaccented one. But a louder vowel sound in a word has nothing to do with whether or not one word end rhymes with another. What was he even thinking? We regret the error, to the extent that we can even understand what Mr. Smith is saying when he explains what the error was.

• Stranger reporter Sydney Brownstone regrets sending you those photos. Delete them.

• Julia Raban, a calendar editor at The Stranger, would like to apologize to all the plants she killed this year. You didn't deserve that. A major shout-out also goes to the hardy succulents and cacti that managed to survive—you did that all by yourself.

• When Stranger art critic Jen Graves began driving from San Antonio to Austin to see her cousin on Thursday, December 1, Ms. Graves at first regretted not having turned off the "no highways" feature on her phone's GPS. Those Texas country roads didn't feel promising. But then Ms. Graves saw a bull the size of a billboard and the perfect rust color, and she regretted the bulls and surprises she would miss as soon as she fixed that GPS.

• Tracie Louck, art director at The Stranger, regrets yelling out, "That's what my mom died from!!!" at happy hour while coworkers were discussing the death of Sharon Jones and the low survival rate of pancreatic cancer patients.

• Stranger news reporter Heidi Groover, who writes about homelessness in Seattle, regrets the "Neighborhood Safety Alliance," "Safe Seattle," and Nextdoor. Fuck all of you.

• The Stranger's film editor, Charles Mudede, regrets writing this headline for a September 30 post: "Another Ugly Side of Rape Shown in Local Sighting's Film The Tree Inside." There is no such thing as a beautiful side to rape.

• In a September 16 Slog post about Washington State's new carbon cap rule, Stranger reporter Sydney Brownstone wrote that the new rule would cover just 24 of the state's biggest polluters, as opposed to a previous draft rule that would have covered 70. It turns out that the new rule will also cover 70 of the state's biggest polluters by the year 2035. She regrets the error.

• In August of 2016, the Stranger staff was treated to a pizza party in the boardroom of our Seattle offices. Digital managing editor Jennifer Campbell regrets that she missed the post about said pizza party because she had not yet joined the right Slack channel. (Was she just supposed to guess? There are, like, a million Slack channels.) Ms. Campbell regrets every tub of soup she's ever eaten from the QFC deli, but that day's Yankee pot roast stew tasted especially sour.

• In a Seattle Art and Performance feature in September, "Four Seattle Bands Keeping Jazz from Becoming Jazzzzzzz," Stranger staff writer Dave Segal neglected to include any artists who were not men. Even though that wasn't intentional, it was a mistake. He regrets it. Mr. Segal vows to cover more female jazz musicians in 2017.

• In the August 3 issue of The Stranger, in a review of Wataru, we published the phrase "nigiri soy sauce" when we meant "nikiri soy sauce." We regret the error.

• Callan Berry, who works in The Stranger's ticketing department, regrets calling Captain America: Civil War "okay" because Spider-Man was in it. It was a dumb movie and you're dumb for liking it.

• Stranger arts and music editor Sean Nelson regrets improper longing.

• Stranger staffer Rich Smith's cheeks are still red from originally missing the irony in Calvin Trillin's doggerel foodie poem in the New Yorker.

• On a related point, Christopher Frizzelle, magazine editor of The Stranger, still can't believe that Rich Smith, upon being confronted with the problems in Mr. Smith's critique of the Trillin poem, responded that he had "never heard of Calvin Trillin."

• Just one more thing about Calvin Trillin: Whenever Mr. Frizzelle brings up Mr. Smith's enormous blunder (arguably incited by social-media-bandwagon righteousness), Mr. Smith replies, "I'm still right about that." Which is regrettable.

• Stranger editor in chief Tricia Romano regrets not remembering your birthday.

• Stranger reporter Heidi Groover regrets Gary G. Mulhair of Calhoun Property Management, Inc. After Ms. Groover used the word "Apodment" in a blog post to refer generally to small apartments rather than to the particular Apodment-branded versions of those small apartments, Mr. Mulhair sent her a sternly worded letter. "You may not have realized it," Mr. Mulhair wrote Ms. Groover, "but the word APODMENT is not a generic term that may be freely used by anyone." Ms. Groover should instead use "microhousing," "micro-units," or "small residential apartments," Mr. Mulhair insisted. Otherwise, "we might be forced to pursue various legal remedies." Ms. Groover regrets that part of Mr. Mulhair's job includes sending these types of letters to local journalists instead of, say, figuring out how to rent his glorified closets to Seattle's increasingly rent-burdened residents at a reasonable rate.

• According to her genealogically informed relatives, Stranger art critic Jen Graves has a German ancestor who in the Middle Ages commissioned a castle to be built into a cliffside, and all the workers kept falling to their deaths. We regret cliffs.

• Stranger staff writer Dave Segal regrets that some of the city's most surreal and adventurous audiovisual events—Monster Planet at Re-bar and :|Depths|: at Substation—happen on Monday nights, that weekly black hole of urban entertainment. More people need to check out the unique multimedia adventures happening at these joints.

• The Stranger regrets the loss of David Bowie, Prince, Phife Dawg, Leonard Cohen, Edward Albee, Sharon Jones, Muhammad Ali, Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, Bernie Worrell, Merle Haggard, Florence Henderson, Alan Thicke, and Aaron Huffman.