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I'm a 28-year-old straight female, and I have a dilemma. I was in a relationship with a guy on and off for about five years. We met in college, dated on and off, we dated other people when we weren't together. It eventually progressed to something more serious after college and we were in a committed, monogamous relationship for about a year or two. However, things we didn't talk much about in college started becoming an issue, i.e. the fact that he wanted kids and I didn't and that I'd have to convert to his religion if we wanted to eventually marry. Needless to say, even though we had chemistry, things didn't work out, and we broke up about a year and a half ago. Now here's my dilemma: I've dated other guys since my ex, and slept with a few since then, but the sex never seems to be as good. And every time I have mediocre sex, it makes me miss my ex (although I have not tried to reach out to him). Am I doomed to have mediocre sex for the rest of my life? What can I do?

Constantly Underneath Mediocre Men

Sometimes we stay in a relationship longer than we should because the sex is good, CUMM, and sometimes good sex keeps us in a relationship we thought we wanted out of but later realize we don't actually want out of. Good sex—it can put something on life support that needs to die or it can keep something alive long enough for us to recognize its value.

Presumably your relationship with your ex fell into the needed-to-die category. But now that it's dead... you're really missing all that good sex. One possible solution: reaching out to your ex and seeing if he'd be interested in being friends with benefits. If the sex was as good for him as it was for you, CUMM, perhaps he'd be down for some casual fucking with clear boundaries—boundaries like, "I'm not having kids ever, dude, and I'm not becoming a Baptist/Scientologist/Whateverist just to keep your dick coming, okay?"

That seems like the obvious thing to do.

It's so obvious, CUMM, I can only assume you thought of that already and vetoed it for a valid reason—like, maybe, "My ex-boyfriend is too religious for casual sex." Or perhaps your ex is in a monogamous relationship now with someone else. Or maybe he's a mean, terrible person that you wouldn't have wasted more than a single evening/weekend on if the sex weren't so good. If fucking your ex isn't an option for one or more of these reasons I've listed (or some other very good reason(s)), then what do you do? Well, CUMM, if the sex was good because you had chemistry... chemistry is all about elements and compounds. So maybe Identifying the elements that made for good sex can help you recreate it with someone new?

So what made the sex good, CUMM? The way you handled each other? The positions? The restraints? THE RUSSIAN SEX WORKERS PEEING ON THE BED? Identify those components, CUMM, and then tell these mediocre men what it takes to get you off good.

Or you could keep fucking other guys until you find one who's just as good or even better than your ex.

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.