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I'm about eight years older than you and am in good shape for a man my age. Better than most my age. I have been straight for most of my life. I'm still very attracted to women very much. About nine years ago I had a sexual affair with a sweet and very sexy gay man. It was short lived because I was scared of anyone finding out. He was, sensitive, very passionate, and powerful in bed. I would wrap my legs around him while he banged me. Not having had that experience before... it was totally amazing to watch and feel. I wanted and still want more. But only with the right person.

About that time, women stopped paying attention to me and I thought that perhaps I should explore more of my gay side. I tried to get back together with that same man a few years later but because I was so flaky towards his requests he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I can see that, but I'm still incredibly attracted to him on a physical level. He has almost a queeny way about him. You definitely know that he is gay when he walks into a room, but that's another part of him that really turns me on. That very gay accent and a bit of swishiness that turns me on very much.

So, I tried going to places like Rain City Jacks and some Meet Ups... but nobody there is attractive to me and it usually ends up being a waste of my time and money. Five years ago I met an Asian gay man who was attractive to me but he was so closed minded. When we finally got around to having sex, he stated that he never does anal sex. So it was mostly just us rubbing our bodies naked over each other until we came and I gave him a few blow jobs. But the no anal sex thing and his lack of passion started to turn me off and eventually I wasn't interested anymore.

I've dated women for a few years after that. Some of them were beautiful but they would blow me off after one or two dates but kept saying to call them... that sooner or later they would have time. What kind of bullshit is that? So, last year after dating this beautiful woman for two dates and 25 or 30 days of texting back and forth... I called it quits on dating.

I'm very open to either gender but it seems there is nobody out there for me. I don't like going to bars, waste of time and money. Meet Ups meetings are usually not any good. More waste of time and money. I've also tried online dating sites, both straight and gay... both are very flaky and a waste of time and money as well.

I've almost entirely given up on women, even though I'm way more attracted to them than 90 percent of the guys out there. Is there any way that you know of on how to meet femmy kinda guys that might want to date an older, attractive, in shape, horny guy? I only dig slim, VERY smooth guys, with a bit of a preppy look. No tats. All this passion and nobody to share it with. HELP???

Achingly Needing A Lover


Let's review the options you've decided are a waste of time and money, ANAL.

Bars. You aren't the first person to make this complaint and you won't be the last. I guarantee you there are people—right now—in bars complaining that bars are a waste of time and money. But you know what also happens at bars? Or, best practices, shortly after people leave bars with someone(s) they met in said bars? People get laid. They get their dicks sucked, their pussies licked, their holes fingered, their asses caressed or slapped, their balls cupped or busted, their tits sucked or clamped, etc. For every whiny complaint that bars are a waste of time and money there's a counterexample proving the opposite—a counterexample proving that, yes, the investment of time and money and liver function can pay off. But, ANAL, there are plenty of people who aren't going to bars for hookups, and it often comes down to trial and error and kismet at bars and clubs. Which brings us to...

Meet Ups. The term "Meet Up" is kind of vague. It can mean strangers coming together because they're interested in anything from board games to fursuit orgies. So, what type of Meet Ups were you going to? Was it Daddies Looking For Twinks? Straight Dudes Wanting To Do Anal With Femme Guys Without Tats? Or were you going to a general community meet up, hoping to find some "slim, VERY smooth" guy "with a bit of a preppy look"? Because that's probably too specific of a request for a Meet Up, which leads us to...

Online Dating & Apps. If you're looking for something specific—like, say, slim and very smooth guys with a bit of a preppy look, no tats, into both anal and older gentlemen with entitlement issues and a strong preference for women—then your best option is online dating and apps. Gay hookup apps let you get pretty specific, ANAL. Beyond being able to put exactly what you're looking for on your profile, you're also usually able to search based on build and age (sometimes for an extra fee). But, ANAL, even though gay hookup apps give you the exact platform you're looking for, you've decided online dating's also a waste of time and money... which makes me think your attitude is the real problem here.

Here's the thing, ANAL, good sex isn't always easy to find. Ideal/fantasy/perfect partners are even harder to find. Sometimes, especially if you're looking for something ridiculously specific, it can take a while. Sometimes years. Sometimes several lives. It's great you're able to identify the type of dude you wanna fuck, but you're gonna need some more patience, if not open-mindedness, before you can find exactly what you want.

Get back online, ANAL, find the right bar, keep going to Rain City Jacks. Move on all fronts. It takes time. Buck up. Stop whining. Keep looking.

P.S. If everybody—men and women, smooth and hairy, tatted and not—is blowing you off after a few dates/hookups, then problem probably isn't "everybody." It's probably you. So you might wanna waste some time and money on a good therapist—it's never too late—who can help you with your interpersonal skills. If you don't wanna waste time and/or money on a therapist anymore than you wanna waste time and money on bars, apps, or Meet Ups, ANAL, then you really should consider hiring a sex worker.

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.