I pretty much fell out of the closet after Trump got elected. I had a kid to raise in a small conservative town and I've always figured she was my top priority. For years now I've focused on being the calmest, safest space I could for my child and I put her needs ahead of my own. I thought there would be time for me once she was older.

But his election made my own lack of community feel so painful that I couldn't stay locked away any longer. So I came out to a few people and then a few more and it keeps happening. And now I'm going through this massive jumble of emotions that seems scarier every single day. I've tried to be smart and proactive here. I found a good therapist (I drive pretty far away to see him but he's worth it) and I'm seeing him consistently. I talked to my doctor about all of this and attempted to see what he knew about local support (there is none). I tried a few of the online dating apps just to meet some new people but I kept getting relentlessly hit on by men instead of women and goddamn it all because I think I feel more alone now than I did when I was refusing to acknowledge I had any emotions or that I was even gay in the first place. I'm still trying there, and I'm attempting to initiate what I can when someone interests me, but it all feels like I'm in way over my head. It's so much to process all at once.

I know exactly one other lesbian in my little town and I've tried connecting with her but she's got her own issues. I can't uproot my kid and I can't afford to up and quit my job and just move to a more open and accepting city even though I'd really love to. I have at least four years until that's an option. I don't know what to do or who to reach out to, Dan, and I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.

A Lesbian Openly Needing Empathy

Take it slow, ALONE, be proud of the work you've already done, and start working toward your goal of moving—if that's what you wanna do—in four years. (With any luck the next four years will FLY THE FUCK BY. Please, Jesus, please.)

And take it easy on yourself: Coming out is hard. (Or it usually is—individual results may vary.) It's even harder when you're raising a kid, harder still as a single parent, and infinitely harder in a small and illiberal town. You're in a tough spot, ALONE.

And so, potentially, is your kid. As parents, we gotta be there for our kids, and one of the best ways we can be there for them is by being healthy, confident, autonomous adults. It's terrific that you've found a good therapist, ALONE. I've become a huge proponent of getting your ass into therapy and working through your shit—but just like doctors, babysitters, anti-depressants, jobs, and butt plugs, it can take some time to find the right fit. Keep showing up to those appointments, ALONE, and if this therapist doesn't work out then try out a new one.

But please don't lose sight of your kid while you work on yourself. Check in with her regularly, ALONE, to make sure she isn't being bullied or ostracized because her mom came out. Your daughter may be feeling some feelings and/or thinking some thoughts that put you on the spot. Don't view them as attacks—she's still a child—and encourage her to express her issues/concerns/fears too. Your kid may need some outside (non-mom, perhaps professional) support as well.

As for finding other lesbians....

Yes, apps can be a minefield. Even when women mark that they're only seeking women, ALONE, asshole straight dudes barge in, as you've experienced. There's also Her, a lesbian dating app that could be helpful, but there may not be users in your area. Lesbian hook-up culture is more word-of-mouth, lesbian-event, and meet-my-ex driven. But despite the handful of negative experiences you've had on dating apps, you should hop back on and keep trying. It can be difficult to meet people IRL everywhere, even in gayborhoods (LGBTQorhoods?), but it's especially difficult in rural areas with small queer populations. Dating apps can be a blessing to a single, rural lesbian. Even if you can't meet up with anyone, you may find people who are willing to chat. There may not be much of a queer community where you live (right now), but you can definitely find queer community/communities online.

Even if there isn't more than one other lesbian in your tiny town (which might be your reality, but probably isn't), there are so many places online where you can find solidarity, advice, and (if you want) sexual connection. (Cyber sex can feel like a consolation prize, I realize, but it's a pretty good one.) Private Facebook groups (where moderators can screen for homophobes, trolls, and menz) are a great place to connect with other lesbians. I won't post specific examples here, for fear of trolls invading them, but you'll probably find some suggestions from my (often insightful, frequently helpful, occasionally asshole-y) commenters. (If you're having trouble, message back and I'll have one of the tech-savvy at-risk youths send along a list.)

Your allies and peers and future girlfriends may be hundreds of miles away from you right now physically, ALONE, but they can be at your side (an in your pants) right now virtually.

Oh, and for context: Daffyd Thomas eventually discovered that out he actually wasn't the only gay in his village.

Maybe you'll have the same luck. Welcome out, ALONE!