I get tons of helpful, sexy comments and tips from my thoughtful, smutty readers for my thoughtful, smutty readers. I hate to read and dump it all, so I've started rounding some of it up on Thursdays.

A follow-up from LOCKS:

Thank you Dan for your awesome advice! We met a wonderful dancer who was very into the chastity play and had the best night :)

See! Strippers are just like us! You can talk to them and ask them things! They might be into chastity play, too! Hope you tipped well!

In response to ALLY:

I feel your pain, ALLY. When I was an undergrad, and much more stupid—er—naive, I spent an inordinate amount of time (I'm too embarrassed to tell you how long), and effort (ditto), trying to help someone get away from their "abusive/bad/dysfunctional" family! The sad and painful lesson is: You can't help people who don't want to be helped! Repeat that to yourself over and over and over. Let it be your mantra! Even if Dan is mistaken, and you're not being catfished, this "friend" is getting something out of her shitty situation, and that's why she refuses to end it. You can't help her until this changes, she has to want to leave.

In response to SHIT:

What kind of a shitbucket doesn't care that they're hurting their partner when they have sex? (Unless they've discussed it and mutually agreed that's what they're into, of course.) Your problem's bigger than just a sex technique, SHIT. Your problem is that your boyfriend doesn't care that he hurts you so long as he's getting his rocks off. You've told him repeatedly and he just doesn't care that he hurts you—that's a serious problem. DTMFA! Or if you want to keep him around, explain that there will be no more PIV where he's ramming you. If you're fucking him and he starts ramming, tell him to stop and that he can jerk it or do something else to come, but absolutely no more of this bullshit.

Some bonus advice for SHIT that will totally help if her boyfriend is into bondage...

I was reading about poor SHIT's experience with her boyfriend who can't orgasm without pounding her to tears. I think this is a situation where a little kink could save the day. Let her re-train his cock. This is a perfect situation for bondage and orgasm control play. She could tie him spread eagle and then masturbate him teasingly for as long as possible until he can't hold back his orgasm any longer. No rush. No death grip. Maybe no orgasm until he learns how to let it happen with light pressure. This could be a really fun way for them to explore what makes him tick and re-train him to orgasm with less stimulation. He might find that giving up control of his orgasm is a big turn on and adds a lot of spice to their sexual repertoire. A lot of people who are into bondage say being restrained helps them let go. Ironically his determination to have an orgasm may be part of what is preventing him from achieving it easily. Experimenting with control could open up many possibilities for both of them.

In response to POSW:

I think you're absolutely right that kink shamers will outnumber the kink shamer-shamers for years to come. That being said, on the off-chance it helps Pissed Off Slut Wife a little bit, I'd just like to say to her—I think your kink is disgusting, and I will always think it's disgusting. I won't even pee in the shower. You will always be super gross to me, no matter what the anti-shamers say. (I just don't feel comfortable saying it publicly anymore.)

And in response to GEAR:

You wrote about racial preferences and said it was wrong. I kind of disagree. I think being able to filter on a particular race is fine, I mean, you can filter on body hair amount, heights and weights, why not a race? I mean, if you have a type for blondes, that is ok, but a type being Chinese guys isn't? Seems strange. It is how people go about it though I guess. Being able to block them seems extreme, but many websites let you block ages etc. Long as civil about it, see no harm in having a "type" as long as you are polite to those not of your type. I like guys my age, but wouldn't be rude if an older guy showed interest and such.

I didn't say it's wrong to have a racial preference. I said it's wrong to be a thoughtless, cruel, inconsiderate asshole about it. From my response to GEAR:

Decent gay men of all ages and races often despair over this "just my preference" crap because it never seems to stop. That's not true; it does stop—individuals stop. Ideally, after people get in the face of a JMPG, his dormant moral imagination kicks into gear. He starts to think about how would he feel, he recalls what he learned about the Golden Rule back in Sunday School, he makes a few friends of color. Maybe he even takes the time figure out whether his precious preferences are actually his or if he's mindlessly adopted monochromatic preferences assigned to him by porn and racist "beauty ideals." And then he stops being a JMPG. Even if he determines that, yes, he's primarily or exclusively attracted to white guys, he finds a way to talk about his preferences without disparaging anyone.

Racial preferences? Not necessarily wrong, but people should make sure they're actually their preferences, and then communicate about them in ways that don't make other people feel like garbage. It's not that hard.

If I can't sway you, LW, maybe the advice over at The Guardian or Vice or Mic or The Daily Beast can. Read up.

In response to Confidential to the Democrats, where I ranted at elected Dems:

Your column this morning has me ready to run through a God damned brick wall. We absolutely need to challenge these people from the left and tell them to start getting fucking dirty. WE HAVE THEIR BACKS. But holy fuck. I don't know, Dan. I don't know the answer. Here in Portland we seem to believe we've done our part by sending Merkley and Wyden to represent us and that's that. I went to a rally on Monday afternoon where they read a letter from Merkley pledging to stand-up to Him. This after a week where he voted to confirm two of the first four. FUCK. Yes Trump sucks. It's a given that he needs to go. But if we're going to make this a Year of Three Presidents (the first since 1881!), then we need to get our side riled up. I'm in, Dan. Let's fucking yell and fucking scream and hold our people accountable. Thanks for letting me vent.

You're welcome!