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My fiance keeps shaving his beard off and I hate it! We met on a blind date three years ago and he didn't have one then but started growing one from the moment I said that that's what I prefer. He's the opposite of what I find physically attractive—he's chunky, short, feminine—but the beard and most everything else about him is wonderful, and we've built a lovely life together. Following a bout of depression, sex-drive killing medication and running a ridiculously busy business, I have struggled with libido. We have a good sex life that's taken effort on both of our parts but when his beard comes off I just can't find him attractive. It's also uncomfortable during sex and sometimes painful depending on the stage of regrowth.

I'm very aware that he can do what he likes with his body. I would be offended if he felt similarly about something that I did to my appearance but then I take into account what he prefers when I'm changing something (not that it stops me but it's definitely a concern). And I've also got a mind to his self-esteem in how I respond to him. But I just can't help but hate it. What do you suggest? Do I just have to get over this?

Big Unkempt Sexy Hair

A beard. On the face. Of a sex partner. Ugh. I feel so strongly about beards on sex partners—I haaaaaaaaaaaate them*—that I briefly considered recusing myself from answering your question, BUSH. But there are no other justices on this court, so....

You say your fiancé is the opposite of what you find attractive. Instead of chunky, short, and fem, I'm assuming you're into lean, tall, and masc. That's kind of a problem, BUSH, and it seems your fiancé's beard is just a thick, hairy, disgusting face-wig disguised as a solution. You're engaged to a person, BUSH, not a beard. It's important that you find your fiancé-the-person, attractive.

Well, normally it's important for someone to be attracted to their fiancé. People can and do enter into marriages that are purely companionate; a companionate marriage is about emotional intimacy, not sexual intimacy. In a companionate marriage the spouses are life partners and companions (duh), they're not life partners and companions and lovers. Companionate marriages are just as legit, and just as potentially loving and functional (or unloving and dysfunctional), as a marriage with a strong sexual connection.

But this isn't supposed to be a companionate marriage, BUSH, so it's a problem—again—that you aren't attracted to your fiancé. If you had such a strong emotional connection that a sexual attraction grew in the absence of any of your preferred physical traits, that would be one thing. But it's troubling that you're only attracted to this one particular physical thing—the beard you love, a beard I would loathe—and you feel no attraction to him when his face isn't marred—excuse me: complimented—by a thick mat of disgusting chincheeklipneck hair.

I'm not saying you should call off the wedding because your husband-to-be doesn't match your ideal physical fantasy. Very few of us get to marry our physical ideals; even those who do find that time has a way of unwinding their mate's physically perfection. (Do not despair, perfectos: a strong emotional connection can cement a sexual connection that outlasts the physical perfection years and/or sex can become less important to a couple over time.) But are there aspects of your husband-to-be that appeal to you? His shoulders? Eyes? Cock? Sense of humor? Voice? You say you have a good sex life (with a little effort), so what makes it work? If your only answer is his beard, BUSH, then I'm tempted to revoke my advice about not calling off the wedding and advise you both (particularly him) to run away—and fast. I just don't think it's wise to make a (theoretically) lifelong commitment to someone if sex is only bearable with they have facial hair. (What if they develop chin-only alopecia?)

Finally, BUSH, you're right that your husband can do what he wants with his face. Something else missing from your letter was any sense of how your fiancé feels about his beard. You say he's always shaving it off. Does he hate it? Does he only grow it out for you? Are you going to make him grow out his beard until you die, he dies, or you get a divorce? If he's into his beard, BUSH, then this isn't an issue. You might want to tell him, if you haven't already, just how into his beard you are. You say you told him you preferred him with a beard. Have you told him how strongly you prefer him that way? Because he may be shaving it off now and then for no good reason. Knowing the beard makes you wanna fuck him—and beardlessness has the opposite effect—could give him a very good reason to keep the beard forever.

* To the many beardos out there who may have taken offense: So long as I'm not having sex with you, I don't care if you have a beard. You can keep your beard! Some people, like BUSH here, love beards! You can grow your beard past your tits, for all I care. So long as I don't have to press my face to yours, I don't care if you have a beard. And it makes you feel any better, beardos: I hate mustaches even more.

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.