It's Thursday, the day I (kindasorta) shut my mouth and let my readers take over. This week: federal student aid, asexuality, a clearly unhinged Trump supporter, the guilt of cis straight people, and liberals in flyover country.

First, in response to Episode 537 of the Savage Lovecast:

You probably get a lot of contact from kids who are having trouble with their parents after coming out so I want to make sure that you know that it is possible to file a FAFSA without your parent. It’s just harder. I’m a high school teacher and I’ve written several letters of explanation to be filed with FAFSA forms for students who have become estranged from their parents, some for coming out. It doesn’t have to be a book, it doesn’t have to say why the student is estranged, it just has to verify that there is a reason for this student not having access to their parent’s financial information. The first student that I had to do this for was thrown out of his house, lived in his car for a short time, and is graduating in May. I’ve had to provide an updated copy of the letter each year but that hassle is a small price to pay to get yourself the F out and follow your dreams anyway.

And I get fact checked by a National Parks superfan (also regarding Episode 537):

As a listener and a National Park nerd, I wanted to write in and let you know that Stonewall isn't actually the most recent national monument. I wanted you to know that, not (entirely) because I'm a picky jerk, but because the newest monuments that Obama designated right before he left office are some amazing places. In mid-January, he named the newest three monuments: Freedom Riders NM, site of the freedom riders bus bombing; Birmingham Civil Rights NM, site of the Birmingham civil rights protests and subsequent police violence; and Reconstruction Era NM, commemorating the terrible era of injustice after the Civil War. I wanted to bring these to your attention because they commemorate some amazing history, and in these recent Trump days it's (much like Stonewall) the history of resistance against unjust oppression and the victories against the darkest forces in our nation that must be remembered and celebrated and learned from.

And a final word on Episode 537:

I’ve been a fan since the “Hey, Faggot” days (in fact if I have most of the first couple years of The Stranger in my archives), and though I don’t always agree with your advice, I always appreciate your voice in the proverbial wilderness. I’ve never felt the need to write to you, but in this case I think your caller mislead you and you then let your biases towards “fly-over” drive your answer. My wife and I are PacNW lifers who politically see eye-to-eye with you, and who ended up living in The Ozarks and loving it much to our surprise. The caller was the trans student who was in the choir that was to sing at the inauguration of President Hairpiece.

First let me say that the Missouri State University Choir was awarded the honor months before the election. The choir, student body, and campus in general were extremely excited by the selection at the time. It was only after the election upset that things went crazy. The caller seems not to be social with other students in the choir because there are many other LGBTQ students in the choir with the same concerns as the caller. My wife is a professor on campus and had at least four students in tears in her office not knowing what to do, and whether or not to go to the inauguration. Her advice to her students was to go because of the future professional possibilities with an event like that on their CV will outweigh singing for President Cheeto. She also told them if they go they should also go and sing at the Women’s March the next day, which they did do. A couple of the students personally thanked her for her advice after returning to Springfield and told her it was completely worth it for the experience. One even said that singing at the Women’s March was the most important thing she had ever done in her life.

From the caller’s statement about the professor she talked to it seems like she talked to the wrong person. All colleges have assholes in the faculty, but a single faculty member does not reflect the entire faculty. Unfortunately, the caller also seems unaware of the other resources on campus for marginal groups. MSU is a very diverse and inclusive (big surprise to us when we moved here 7 years ago) and even have policies in place for trans students. Many students come to MSU particularly for the inclusive and progressive nature of of the campus and Springfield in general. I’m sorry the caller was unable to find solace from her fellow students or the university community. I’m also affiliated with the university as a researcher, and we try to be as receptive as possible to students needs, but that not possible if the students don’t reach out to us.

Sorry this email is so long, but the misconceptions and generalizations of “fly-over” really bother me. I would never have expected to like living here, or that The Ozarks aren’t all "Winter’s Bone" and Rush Limbaugh, after 40 years on the PacNW and west coast. Remember that there are blue people and places within red states, and that many places that look red are actually purple, and lots of places look like Washington where attitudes change dramatically on the other side of The Cascades or other geographic barrier.

A Dutch asexual responds to my handling of the whole asexuality topic generally...

I'm a 29 year old Dutch guy, and in the last year I've learned that I'm pretty much asexual. In curiosity about myself, I tried searching your podcasts about the topic of asexuality, but the view I got from the handful of podcasts I found seemed to be a little un-nuanced (maybe I missed the ones that were a little more nuanced, if so, this entire correspondence is moot and I apologize). Which isn't a criticism; when someone calls into a sexual advice podcast with a problem with asexuality, it makes sense that it's more often not the asexual calling in. However, you have at multiple times said that "not interested in sex" could just be "not interested in sex with you." And while I'm sure that's true some of the time, I'm even more sure it's not true all of the time. It could be that the person, as has been my experience, wasn't aware of this orientation. I can only imagine what it's like to live closeted, but there I understand you have something to deny: you feel a certain way about members of your own gender that you don't feel about members of the opposite gender. But with asexuality, in modern society, there's no inherent element to deny. I'll make this a little personal, just to clarify. I'm able to get turned on, but rarely if ever by a specific person. I've never seen someone and immediately thought, "I need to put my dick inside them." Which isn't to say I don't enjoy sex, but it's a purely physical thing for me. It's more an attraction to the action than to the person. I'm ranting and making this too personal, but I'm trying to say that realizing this about myself took a long time. In a large part because I didn't realize this was an option. Okay, that was fairly long and ranty, I just wanted to let you know that when it comes to asexuality, there's a lot of self discovery, and if someone finds themselves in a relationship with someone asexual, I don't believe that person is automatically an asshole. Which I doubt you do either, but still, I felt I needed to get that off my chest.

A Trump supporter didn't appreciate the anti-Trump digs in my most recent column...

I am hearing three bleats from a tin horn and the stridulatations of crickets. Next to you, Trump sounds fresh and new. Take heart! Kelly Anne was taking notes when Hillary announced it will now be the age of the woman. My Kelly Anne can beat up your Hillary! #KellyAnne2024! I am bored with your contrivances. Please up your game. I am your friend and fellow Trump supporter. (You know that you really love him, Dan).

And some closing thoughts on straight guilt:

How do you get over the guilt of being a straight guy? So fucking easy: cash!!! There are so many ways to make the world a better place for women (and LGBT people) just by getting out your wallet. In particular, I would suggest anything going towards the education of young women and girls in developing countries, anything that goes towards eliminating FGM, anything that helps women who have been abused, enslaved or trafficked, the list goes on and on. Why not do some kind of sponsored event, raise some money and achieve something personal too? (One charity I think deserves a special mention is the Fistula Foundation. I read about this in Sara Pascoe's excellent book Animal, and donated immediately.
And Planned Parenthood too obviously!)