My parents arent watching! Quick, lets make out behind this dumpster!
"My parents aren't watching! Quick, let's make out behind this dumpster!" Courtesy AMC

Hey! Did you guys watch last night's mirthful episode of The Walking Dead? Well, turn that frown upside-down, Grumpy Gus, and let's chitty chat all about it. A gleeful recap, SPOILERS, and general smart-assery lie ahead. LET'S GET CHITTY-CHATTING!

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Say Yes."

1) As you recall, Rick's Rangers have a new mission: Gather as many guns as they can for the Garbage Pail Kids who promise to join them for their raid against the Saviors, Negan, and his very unhygienic baseball bat. And this is why we're treated to an entire episode of Rick and Michonne taking a sex-filled road trip. HOORAY! While everyone else is having a terrible time locating provisions and gats, R&M are on a roll, picking up a cadre of supplies from two obliviously golfing Saviors, and then stumbling onto a fenced-in high school that contains two of their favorite things in the world: gun-packing zombie soldiers, and a carnival! Oh boy, I want some cotton candy!

2) In order to locate a cotton candy machine, R&M climb on top of a roof which—to the surprise of absolutely no one—collapses. BUT! Instead of turning their bones into dust, the pair land on a conveniently placed foam mat in a room filled with military MREs including the gold standard of all pre-packaged meals, CHILI MAC & CHEESE. They eat this and fuck some more, which is totally unbelievable since Chili Mac & Cheese is the anti-Viagra. But whatever! I'm glad to see them happy. Rick is all like, "Baby, let's just stay here a couple more days (which is to say forever)." But Michonne smartly realizes that Rick is falling in love with Chili Mac & Cheese, and wants to get him outta there before he gets the bloat. So let's check out those zombie soldiers, shall we?

3) Actually, let's pause for a second to recap the WORST WRITTEN WALKING DEAD SCENE OF ALL TIME. As you recall, Tara stumbled upon a poop-ton of guns at an all-lady beach camp—but swore her silence because one of the ladies let her escape. To document her internal struggle about whether she should tell Rick about the guns or not, she launches into a one-sided "should I or shouldn't I" monologue to poor baby Judith who is also searching for a gun... so she could blow her own head off. THIS WAS TERRIBLE, and let us never speak of it again.

4) Also Sgt. McSexy is looking for guns, can't find 'em, but scores a sniper rifle and convinces best frenemy Sasha to help her blow Negan's head off. Maybe they're the next hot sex duo? Fingers crossed!

5) Meanwhile back at Zombie Carnival, R&M decide to box off the zombies with a car, but that goes terribly and they're momentarily trapped... until they're not! (It's actually kind of fun watching R&M doing the exact opposite of freaking out when surrounded by zombies. They aren't yawning, but they may as well be.) The pair splits up and when Rick stupidly climbs a ferris wheel to check out a stray deer, he falls, and has his guts eaten out by the undead. Michonne is distraught, until... PSYCH! Rick was actually hiding in a conveniently placed box (??) and the deer was the one getting its guts eaten out. HAW! HAW! Sucks to be you, deer!

6) Then came the moment that was ACTUALLY terrifying. (Did you believe for a second that it was Rick getting eaten? Of course you didn't.) Battling back the zombies, Rick grabs Michonne's dropped sword and throws it through the air at her. WHAT... THA... FAAAAAACK??? I was certain that sword was either going to impale her, or chop her hands off—which actually would've been the greatest Walking Dead scene ever, but I'm still glad it didn't happen. Anyway, they kill all the zombies, steal all the guns, and probably fuck a couple more times? I don't know.

7) HOWEVER! Michonne is BUMMED about nearly losing Rick (and possibly her hands, after Rick stupidly threw that sword—DON'T THROW SWORDS, KIDS). But Rick gives her a pep talk about how their cause is bigger than both of them, and she's like, "Okay cool, but seriously, stop throwing swords." They travel to the Garbage Pail Kids with the guns, but the leader with the cute hair cut is unimpressed. "ME AM UNIMPRESSED," she said in her broken Hulk english. "Me want more guns or Garbage Pail Kids am no fight!" This inspires Tara to say to Rick, "Ummmmmm... yeah... I have a secret to tell you." And Rick is all like, "Yeah, I know. Baby Judith already told me, and by the way, you will never babysit her again."

8) Aaaaaaand SCENE. Okay, that was a pretty fun episode with a lot of sex (which is all I require from a television program) and only about 10 completely unbelievable things happened... which is an improvement for this show. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS EPISODE? Leave your musings in the comments, and let's chitty-chat more next week! Until then? Seriously, don't throw swords.