Comments

1
Many years ago, I was sound asleep, alone in my apartment on 1516 Bellevue Ave, when all of the sudden the intercom buzzed. I figured it was some drunk wanting in, so i ignored it. A few minutes later, I heard the elevator start and come to my floor. Seconds later, there was a pounding on the door, and a stern voice said "SEATTLE POLICE!"

I got up, put on my peignoir, and looked through the peephole. It was cops all right, so I opened the door and they said they wanted to come in. I asked them why, and they said they needed to speak to Ephram. I told them there was no Ephram there, but they said they wanted to check.

So I let them in, and they looked through my studio apartment, and said "we got a call that there was a suicide attempt at 1516 Bellevue Ave E". I told them that they were at 1516 Bellevue Ave.

There was a pause, and they said "thank you for your time. Sorry for disturbing you" and took off.

No, they didn't leave a business card.
3
@1

Most likely they did not have SPD business cards many years ago.
4
I feel good about these comments
5
Callan, this will be "best of" for sure. Many gold stars for you today.
6
Callan, did you consider this one? Too straight-up?

"Potato chip assault: Police were called to the 900 block of 23rd Ave around noon on Friday, March 3rd after a mail carrier reported that a woman had randomly attacked her on the street, throwing potato chips on her and then a rock that narrowly missed."
7
@6 I'm in the pockets of Big Chip, and the Ruffles estate doesn't want to be associated with crime or postal services.
8
A few years ago at a friend of mines bar a woman fell asleep on the ground under a back bench. She woke up early in the morning freaked out she can't escape and called 911. The bar owner arrived just in time to see the fire department breaking the door down to let the woman out.

Honestly, if you lock yourself into someone else's business, waiting for the opening crew the next day is a fair punishment.
9
Gotta check the bathrooms before you lock up. Either you lock someone in there and they break shit to get out, they die in there, or they hide in there to rob the place.
10
@8 - Perfect opportunity to have a free pitcher of beer.
11
@2 I'm sorry to see you are a liar in addition to your usual pathologies. No cop pulled you over precisely for speeding and then gave up after a response like that.
12
@ 11 - I dunno. There are some profoundly stupid people in law enforcement. Several years ago, my husband and I were driving home at night and a car sped around us in a no passing zone. A police officer stopped at a cross street saw it happen and pulled us over for passing illegally. My husband calmly explained that we had been passed and that that's why the officer got to our car first. The officer went back to his car and made us wait for about 30 minutes before returning to tell us that he was letting us off with a warning but we'd better make sure it didn't happen again.
13
Shitty Taco's is the best / most honest thing about this post. I love it.
14
What do you mean "awake up call to stop drinking"? Nah! The police will help me. It's not like they have anything better to do, right?
15
@11 How do you know so much more than @2 about his life?

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