My girlfriend of nearly six years just gave me chlamydia, which she contracted while on vacation without me. I would never have suspected that she had cheated on me were it not for the oozing, itchy penis I developed after having sex with her. I've never cheated on her but we've talked (mostly in the beginning of the relationship) about what to do if either one of us ever did slip up. She was always adamant that the unfaithful partner had a responsibility to tell the other because of the risk posed by VD.

Now that she's the one having unprotected sex behind my back and failing to come clean, I'm having a hard time. Based on the gulf between her words and actions, she's a monumental hypocrite. In fact, after she returned from vacation, she wanted to talk about the possibility of being less exclusive with one another. I was very supportive of the idea because I've never truly believed that monogamy was right, good, or natural. But I've always been a faithful man since meeting her, having been gradually convinced that the benefits conferred by our commitment to one another outweighed the fleeting pleasures (and risks) of random hookups. Now I understand that these conversations were just a way for her to ease her guilty conscience.

So Dan, should I give in to my wounded male ego and chuck away the main interpersonal project of the past six years of my life because I was cucked and burned OR do I take advantage of the considerable relational capital I have accrued as a result of my victimization (boo hoo!) and push hard for a threesome, multi-use cheat pass, or full-blown polyamorous relationship?

Despicable? You bet!

Dude Reacting Is Puerile

Let me get this out of the way first: Monogamy is right for some. And while it's not natural—we're not a naturally monogamous species—not all natural things are good things and not all good things are natural. Take chlamydia. Natural? Of course. Good? Ask your oozing, itchy penis.

Back to your girlfriend, DRIP: She fucked up when she fucked that stranger, DRIP, and she let a sexually transmitted infection do the disclosing for her—even worse, she initiated a disingenuous conversation about opening up your relationship in order to secure some sort of retroactive blessing of/absolution for her vacation fuck up. Do you toss aside "the main interpersonal project of the past six years" or do you forgive her for cheating? (It's so often the most adamant advocates for monogamy and honesty who cheat first!) Do you forgive her the hypocrisy and embark on an honest open relationship, fully aware of the risks and rewards. (I would list "sexually transmitted infections" under the risks of a non-monogamous relationship but—what do you know—you contracted an STI in a monogamous relationship, DRIP, and you weren't the first. In fact, people in monogamous relationships are at just as high a risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection as people in ethical non-monogamous relationships. Because lies. And vacations.)

Back to you, DRIP: I don't think a one-time slip-up reason enough to end this otherwise good relationship, especially if you never truly valued monogamy in the first place. Like chlamydia, your jealousy and anger will clear up. (Well, unless you have "super chlamydia," but that doesn't seem to be a real thing... yet.) The question then isn't whether you should continue in this relationship, but under what terms. Unless your relationship actually sucks, DRIP, and you don't know it. It's possible your girlfriend intentionally sabotaged your relationship by fucking someone else because she couldn't bring herself to admit she's bored or fed up or no longer sexually attracted to you. Do did she honestly screw up and does she sincerely regret it and the relationship is as strong and rewarding for her as it is for you? (Cheating doesn't always mean something is wrong with the relationship.) Or was she slamming her hand down on the self-destruct button? You'll have to ask her then make your move.

As for the choices you presented, do you push hard for a...

Threesome? Well, your girlfriend cheating on you doesn't mean she wants a threesome, and her infidelity doesn't entitle you to one. Do you want a threesome? Then bring it up with her. If she says no, that doesn't make her a hypocrite, it only means she doesn't want a threesome. But you could have one with two other human beings to be named later, if you both decide to open your relationship or if you end it.

Multi-use cheat pass? Maybe, DRIP, but an eye for an eye—in this situation—gives the whole world itching and oozing. And while you may not believe in monogamy, you know how shitty it feels to be lied to.

Full-blown polyamorous relationship? Polyamory requires both/all partners to have healthy communication and trust, two things you're lacking at the moment. And being open isn't the same as being poly—your girlfriend might be open to fucking around with other people (like, say, on vacation), but not into romantic connections, entanglements, and obligations. Figure out what you both want and set some ground rules. It's also possible your girlfriend still wants to have a monogamous relationship and only "wanted to talk about the possibility of being less exclusive" to assuage her post-vacation guilt, not because she wanted to keep fucking other people or ever wanted you to fuck anyone else at all. If your girlfriend isn't interested in opening your relationship—if she prefers an unethical non-monogamous relationship to an ethical one—you'll have to decide if that's a dealbreaker for you.