Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up

Comments

1
Since there are no comments allowed on the prior post, I'm posting here: enough with the sponsored Delta post. I read it the first time, didn't realize it was sponsored. Well done on the "native content." You would have gotten away with it, if not for re-posting it...every...goddamn...day. Enough!!!
2
An extra $50 for a woman in her twenties to go with a guy in his late seventies. Try two hundred plus.
Shout out to the psychotherapist in Mexico. Agree. A woman can enjoy her sex without ever having to change gears, because blood/ period, and the culture shuts it down.
3
@LavaGirl (#2): An extra $200 on top of whatever she charges? Don't you think that might make that fuck too expensive for any non-wealthy person? And how is he going to get his wife's approval or slide this debit from their joint account by her?

I think we can all trust sex workers of all ages to decide whether or not they want to take the clients they take. It's true he will be wrinkled and saggy, but maybe that's okay with whatever sex worker decides to work with him. An extra $50 seems nice and appropriate, although sure, if you've got it, and you feel like being generous, why not?

People are always tossing off the suggestion of sex workers* without seeming to consider that paid sex is typically pretty expensive sex, especially if the client is doing due diligence to not exploit someone.

*Also separate bedrooms, hotel rooms, therapists. Many people can't afford those luxuries.
4
Great letter, NIP!
5
If she can't talk to her partner about how he's 'ouching' her nipples, what CAN she talk about?
Where is this 'pressure' on her coming from if not the inside of HER head?

Now, I did not hear/red the original, so maybe the BF is actively pushing crap she doesn't like. But it really seems that a vast number of women of this generation would rather suffer ANYTHING that risk having, thinking about, and expressing, their own wants.
6
NIP ~ Just as in practically every aspect of sex, there are things we like and things we don't. Considerate lovers learn these things and how to please their lover. Girlfriend likes to have her breasts rubbed with a flat palm, hates "tweaking" her nipples. Likes having them sucked, though. That was one of the first things I found out about what turns her on and adjusted accordingly. Don't know why sucking is OK but tweaking isn't. Doesn't matter. That's how she likes it, so that's how she gets it.
7
Donny @6: Because tongues are nice and soft and damp and tweaking can be painful. Now you know.

Poly @5: Where (else) is this pressure coming from? Partners, perhaps, who are convinced that the porn they've studied makes them good lovers and ignore women's responses to the contrary? See PLEASE's letter in the weekly column. Not to mention lifetimes of socialisation encouraging women to always be pleasant, "nice" and accommodating.
And which generation are you talking about? I bet today's twentysomethings will be more proactive about speaking up when they're in their 30s and 40s. Insecurity is endemic to young people of all generations. Arguably, today's twentysomethings have it harder because their male contemporaries have watched far more, and far more graphic, porn than prior generations, thanks to the internet.
8
Nocute @3: A very good point. Sex workers charge far more per hour than most careers. While this may be a good suggestion for a one-off loss of virginity or occasional exploration of a kink, it's not in most people's budgets if what they want is a regular sex life.

Lava @2: I was assuming that wrinkly old men are a sex worker's typical clients. And that's why the prices are so high.
9
@7 That's not it exactly, as by "tweaking" I just mean using my fingers to lightly roll her nipples, and actually apply much more pressure with the oral action. I think she just has a "thing" where she doesn't like the fingers.
10
@9: "Tweaking" is a poorly defined word. It might mean what you just said, but sometimes it is a synonym for "pinch." I remember reading something years ago where a woman was complaining that her partner was "grabbing both nipples and twisting like he was changing the channel on the TV." (Who even remembers TVs with channel knobs?) She didn't use the word "tweak," but in so far as today's Letter Writer did specifically say "painful" I don't think your example is what she was talking about.
11
Doesn't matter what money a man pays, it's sex he's buying not intimacy. I hope this LW found a way to talk with his wife and do it straight.
At their age, after so many shared life experiences, divorce would be a dumb choice for both of them.
12
@3 ncn: "People are always tossing off the suggestion of sex workers* without seeming to consider that paid sex is typically pretty expensive sex, especially if the client is doing due diligence to not exploit someone."

Also consider that while the LW, like any guy, was buyer (guy) in a seller's (gals) market for the last half century, he is now a seller in a seller's market. Women live longer and maintain their health longer than men, on average. So if he's still walking, talking and getting it up, he could really clean up on the elder dating scene. There are stories (possibly apocryphal) of older, dapper men getting comp'ed for cruise-ship trips to balance out of the women-men ratio. They're expected to dance and socialize with lots of the passengers, but doesn't that beat glaring, resentfully, at one's frigid spouse from across the living room?

Cruise ships aside, his experience on a dating app could prove to be very positive.

And due to a TMI situation, I can vouch for a male relative 10 years older than the LW getting it up and getting off on a regular basis.
13
Donny @9: Perhaps it's the dryness of the fingers compared to the moistness of the tongue. Friction. But you're right, what matters is not why she doesn't like it, but that you respect that she doesn't like it and do things she does like instead.
14
Donny @9: Also, sucking, although it can apply a lot of pressure, generally does so over a larger area. Fingers tend to put pressure on, well, finger-tip-sized areas.
15
@13, @14 - there's really no defining a specific reason, she just doesn't like it. Other girlfriends loved it. This one doesn't. Adjust accordingly.
16
Donny @15: Um, we did just define the specific reason. Overstimulation is painful, and use of fingers is overstimulation for this particular set of nipples.